BadgerFan

I'm feeling so discouraged right now. I've been very selective in who I've told of my decision to give up drinking and no one seems to believe me. My sister just laughed when I told her and my brother thinks "it's only temporary". One of my closest friends (who's 10 years sober) didn't seem earnest in his reaction either. I guess I've been drinking heavily for so long that no one must believe that I could just stop, especially without being in treatment. It's very disheartening when the very people who are supposed to be my support system think I'm just blowing smoke up their ass. I'm going to prove them all wrong and push forward with or without their support. It just makes me sad.

bluedog97

Hang in there Badgerfan. I don't get the reaction/support I'm looking for from certain friends or family either. For me, it's like they don't take it seriously. I understand how it can really play with your psyche.

I come here for support, do therapy, and go to AA. As I've been told, it may be time to eliminate some non-supportive people from my sphere. Just speaking for myself.

Just remember, no matter what any one says, you can stay sober.

NYCDoglvr

What other people think is irrelevant. It only matters what you do. I suggest that you stop talking to other people and get a program that works for you.

Dee74

Hi BadgerFan

I dunno about you but I'd made years of promises to stop...my reputation and trustworthiness were in a deep hole...

the good news is that didn't stop me from getting sober, and I got my reputation and my trustworthiness back

It would be great if everyone had 100% support from everyone they care about but for most of us, that's not the case, at least not initially.

Thats why places like SR exist - you'll always find support here.

The bottom line is noone else has to believe you can do it for you to do it, but you have to believe.

Don;t be distracted by sadness anger resentment or despair- our addiction can work with things like that and pull us to a dead stop.

You can do this

waynetheking

Just quit drinking and prove to them and yourself that you're not going to die from this disease. We're here and we believe you can do it. Because we're sober day after day after day.
Hang in there buddy.

Flawed

No one thought I could do it, either....myself included. I've got 11 months today. Hang in there, start with one day and just go from there. I do therapy and AA like bluedog97. Don't let anyone else, or your addiction, tell you that you can't do this. You can, and you deserve it

PhoenixJ

Yes it is sad - for them. Prove to yourself you have stopped drinking. You cannot control others. Yes- I wanted support from family/friends. I received little from any. I had to stop for me. I sought support from other places- initially a lot with AA/SMART. Counsellor etc. And SR. Support to you.

Hevyn

Nope, no one believed me - and I know to this day (9 yrs. later) they are still amazed/skeptical. I know it's a disappointing reaction Badger, but maybe it'll make you even more determined. There's no doubt you can do this, & your friends here believe in you wholeheartedly.

BadgerFan

Oh you guys are awesome, thank you from the bottom of my heart for the encouragement and support - it's just what I needed right now. Many good thoughts to ponder, thanks again, all!

BrendaChenowyth

I get that it matters to you that they support you. But everyone isn't going to be supportive because everyone isn't going to be able to understand what you're going through. Other alcoholics in recovery are the only ones that will.

People trust consistency. They are conditioned to expect you to drink. Until they see you stay sober and get used to seeing you sober, they are going to expect what they've been conditioned to expect. It takes time.

Clean30

The very best thing is to not say anything. That way if you fail you don't have to explain your way out of it or live up to expectations.

Quit on your own and they will notice eventually. Its about you only - nobody else.

Dee74

'grats on your milestone flawed

D

ScottFromWI

No one believed me either, and frankly if I was them I wouldn't have believed me either! But alas what they believe matters not...you have the power to make it happen regardless. And if you do stay sober people will notice....in a positive way.

Oh ...and go badgers from a fellow badger state fan!

ljc267

If you're anything like me I'd not drink just to prove them wrong, lol.

least

This! Let your behavior do the talking. After a while they'll come to believe.

MIRecovery

Heck I've been sober for seven years and I don't think most people are 100% convinced I will stay sober. I own my sobriety and am 100% responsible for it. Nobody can keep me sober nobody can make me drink.

I do know that I earned all of the mistrust others felt. Although I earned it I don't have to believe in it.

Misc72

That only person that matters if they believe you will stop is 'you'.

RockNRose

My family has given up on believing me as well, and I don't blame them. I've made multiple promises to sober up only to have it not last for more than 2-3 days at a time. This time around, I'm not even going to tell them. I'm not going to make a spectacle out of it, I'll let my actions do the talking. When they finally believe I have quit drinking for good, then they'll ask me and it is then I will tell them. My reasoning behind this is I don't want to hear any negativity that could discourage me. Hang in there.

Berrybean

You know, it hurts those who love us when we lurch from one alcoholic low to the next. Drunken escapades, hurting those we love by being emotionally unavailable when they most need us, losing our livelihoods and becoming financially bankrupt, and making decisions that demonstrate that we've also become morally bankrupt and care more about the booze than whether or not we hurt people. This is the path that those who love an alcoholic have tended to be forced to once serve them go down. It hurts them to be let down. I had to accept that some people had put up a bit of a wall to by BS. They didn't want to believe and open themselves up to yet more disappointment. And once I'd stopped feeling sorry for myself that they didn't believe me, I could kind of accept that I personally had a big part in them keeping their expectations low - for years and years. Of course, I can only share my own personal experiences , but perhaps your friends and family have watched a similar pattern with you. Experienced the same disappointment and worry.

Once my friends and family had seen a good few months of me sticking to what I'd said, and that I was taking sobriety seriously and working on my recovery, they started allowing themselves to believe me and have some hope. I'd suggest giving them a chance, and developing an attitude whereby what others think is none of your business. Your business is to stay sober a day at a time, and get a good strong recovery plan together and work on it, so that your sobriety can be comfortable and sustainable long term.

If you don't have a plan yet, perhaps have a look at the links on Dee's thread. .. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html

Our intentions are only as good as the actions we're willing to take to bring them to fruition,

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB

FBL

Sorry you don't feel you have their support at the moment. As others have said, trust must be earned. You've got to believe in yourself. Show them you CAN do it and I'm pretty sure that those who truly care for you will eventually come around.