Starangel123

My Boyfriend lately has changed a lot. And Ive noticed hes been drinking a lot . It may not be everyday (may be 3 to 4 times a week) but when he does drink it will be all day. He might start at night not sleep and continue through half way through the next day. When he buys a 24 pack guranteed it will all be drank with the 9 hours. Lately, I've noticed he seems irratible when hes not drinking and when does hes become violent in the sense that he starts throwing things.
Ive also woken up in the middle of the night to him falling on the floor and then just laying there.
He gets any chance to drink. Hes changed a lot towards me. Hes says I act like im his mom telling not to drink or not to go out (cause hes only going to go drink). Tonight he got mad at me cause I said I didnt want to hang out with another couple and drink. So he threatened to leave me.
What should I do ? Im concerned and confused by his anger and frustration. Is this an alcoholism problem?

Dee74

I'm sorry for what brings you here starangel, but you'll find a lot of support here.

It;s impossible for any if us to say whether it's alcoholism driving these changes or not, but I know my personality changed after a few years drinking - even when I wasn't drinking.

Unfortunately unless he sees a problem and wants to stop, it's likely this is going to continue, and maybe get worse.

I dunno but seems to me like you deserve better than this?

D

ScottFromWI

Welcome to SR starangel. Sorry to hear of the issues you are dealing with regarding your BFs drinking. As Dee mentions, there's really not much you can do to control or chance another persons drinking, especially if they are an alcohilc. We can't say for sure if your BF is or not, but he does have many of the telltale red flags, and his drinking is hurting you in many ways.

Unfortunately some addicts will choose their drug of choice even when confronted with losing very important things....you will need to prepare yourself for that possibility. It's got nothing to do with you, even if he says it does. We do have a special forum here for friends and family of alcoholics as well where you can meet and get support from others who have been through what you are experiencing. Stay safe and take care of yourself.

Aquafina

I would say that's a problem. That's how I end up all the time.

Sounds dangerous throwing stuff at you. I don't like that. It breaks the no violence clause.

Forward12

It sounds like he's got a pretty bad alcoholism issue that is getting worse. Confronting an alcoholic on their drinking is a sure fire way to set off an instant anger episode.
There is nothing you can do to help this, he has to want it for himself. You best option is to leave and move on with your life, as it's going to get nothing but worse if you stay.

MicroMacro

If he's drinking that much - 3 to 4 days a week, the days he's not drinking he's recovering from it. So - that presents a separate issue from the one above - how to get a word in when the guy is sober ... One day off drinking doesn't = sober. It = sick.

I think it's appropriate for you to attempt a conversation - not a verbal ass whipping - about it where you express concern. If that falls on deaf ears, then your opportunities evolve into what you can do to preserve your own sanity. Another way to put that is - you're in the position to create healthy boundaries.

Is it acceptable for him to treat you the way he is? To threaten to leave because you don't want to go out and watch him get lit? Is it appropriate for him to be laying about the floor when he falls down - too drunk to get back up?

Did you move into your home together? You might ask him to leave. Or you might decide to leave. Until he addresses this - it's not going to get better. You might put this ultimatum to him. He's not going to like it, but who likes ultimatums? You're in a position to give one because he doesn't get to tell you what's okay for you to live with or not.

What I'm getting at here is that the sooner you draw the line - the sooner things will change - for you. It is possible that he might not address his drinking for a very long time. Years. How do you want to live your life?

This isn't the kind of thing that gets better on its own and goes away. So what you should do is up to you, but you do need to do something. Just keep in mind - you cannot control him or make him understand anything. You're in control of you and your behavior and that's where it ends.

Berrybean

If you're going to stay in this relationship I would suggest you find yourself an AlAnon group local to you for support. Alcoholics are difficult to live with. You might ask yourself what you're getting out of this relationship. (Not 'were' getting out of it, past tense, but 'are' getting out of it now.) I don't suppose there is many loving acts or feelings of companionship between you while he's drinking like this. And let's be clear on this - there is NOTHING you can do to stop him. He will drink until he decides he wants to stop. And there's very little anyone can do to motivate an alcoholic to stop.

If there are no financial complications or children involved, I'd suggest making contingency plans for cutting loose from this situation before it gets worse, and possible more dangerous.

Harley1973

A 24 pack of beer in one day doesn't sound like a "normal drinker" to me, but thats just my opinion.

least

I think you deserve a relationship where your bf doesn't get mad and "throw things". You deserve better than that. I hope you can get away from him and start a more rewarding life.

MsCooterBrown

My EX (emphasis on EX) husband did this...quite a long while before he turned violent. I got out after he broke my nose. This is NO way to live. Leave before it escalates. And it will. You deserve better. <3

Clean30

Hi. A lot of couples break up because one drinks too much. I think one thing is for certain and its that he will regret this all if he loses you.

I've been on both ends of this. Early life I was never a drinker and my girlfriend would come home glossy eyed drunk. I was upset to see her like this and was mad because of it.

On the other hand later in life I was the one drunk who lost a different girlfriend later.

From my experience he needs to cut it out completely to keep this together. You're already reaching out to other people. He'll eventually make you so mad you'll want to leave and probably will. That's no life to lead like that. Life throw enough curve balls to sober couples let alone one drunk off his rocker.

If you two ever get married one day and he keeps drinking be prepared for the super high alcohol cost and later in life the medical bills.

NYCDoglvr

What can you do? Nothing, except learn about alcoholism and save yourself. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and the changes you're seeing are typical of what happens.

ThatWasTheOldMe

If he gets violent, call the police and ask to be separated from him for your own safety. They will likely take him to detox.

If it becomes a consistent problem, figure out if this is really a person you want in your life. If you give an ultimatum, stick to it.

Just my two cents.

Clean30

If it ever gets this extreme run like hell. Any so called close partner in life that you have to call the police on is Trouble with a capital T.