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Going Out Sober

Old 02-17-2017, 07:05 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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In your early recovery I would pass. If you have an sponsor, what did she tell you? You may be strong right now but who knows how you will be when you put yourself in that situation.
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Old 02-17-2017, 03:30 PM
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I roadtested my recovery too soon and barely escaped with my sobriety intact.

I got a lot less cavalier after that.

If I had AV activity I wouldn't go. That, for me, would be a sign my 'muscles' weren't fully formed yet.

If you do go, have an escape plan and think seriously through the likely scenarios - you wanting to drink, other people wanting you to drink, your AV trying to convince you that ones ok, ior it's ok so long as you don;t get drunk...

If you need to put your head in the lions mouth, do your homework first.
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Old 02-17-2017, 04:57 PM
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I just talked to my friend who is putting the party together and realized I am off by a whole week! The party isn't until the weekend after this one. Someday I hope my fuzziness goes away, I'm definitely not the sharpest knife in the drawer these days. Thanks to everyone who has responded, I appreciate the advice and will take it all into account.
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Old 02-17-2017, 07:58 PM
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Im sure you'll be fine, drinking is no longer an option.
Just don't be surprised if you notice a little repressed teetotaler lurking around popping up
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Old 02-17-2017, 09:35 PM
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Along the lines of what Dee suggested about doing your homework, AlaskaGirl, this is an excellent time to try out an advanced AVR Technique.

The Beast is opportunistic, but stupid at the same time. It gets so excited at the idea of a drink, that it will show you its cards ahead of time.

Ask your Beast: "If I were to go to this party, under what conditions would I drink?"

[Beast gives you some scenario.]

Ask your Beast again: "OK, what else might make us drink at the party?"

[The Beast will get excited at that idea, and give you another scenario.]

Repeat as needed. You have plenty of time to prod the Beast and do your homework. No surprises.
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Old 02-18-2017, 02:17 AM
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If I'm being honest here I would take the easy path AlaskaGirl. You have to do what you have to do but at 47 days sober I would never put myself in a party atmosphere at a bar. I'd tell the birthday girl you'd rather do something like go to lunch or dinner together alone with her some other time. If she's really that close of a friend she'll understand.

Why put yourself through unnecessary torture?
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Old 02-22-2017, 09:43 AM
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My advice - think carefully about what you will do if offered a drink, if the answer is anything but decline, don't go.
Have your own transportation home so you can leave as soon as you are ready.
I'm borrowing this from a friend, as soon as you hear the same story told twice (ie a drunk repeating themselves) get out of there!
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Old 02-23-2017, 02:14 PM
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I agree with August 2015 completely.

I don't have any desire to "test" my sober muscles, willpower, etc.

Because I don't want to run the risk of failure.

Your mileage may vary, but I still exercise a lot of precaution with my sobriety, and it has worked for me for a good while now.

And I don't entrust my sobriety to others who drink.

When it comes to my sobriety, I make the rules.

Just my 2 cents.
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Old 02-26-2017, 02:49 AM
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Originally Posted by AlaskaGirl View Post
This Saturday I will be 47 days sober.

I will also be going to my dear friendís birthday get-together at a bar. This will be my first foray into the bar scene since I quit. I have told a few of my friends that will be there, including the birthday girl, that I stopped. They are supportive.

My AV is kicking in: ďYou could have one or two glasses of wine, you are doing fine!Ē Iím OK with the AVÖ Iím not afraid that I will drink. I DO NOT drink anymore. I am however a little nervous about whether or not I will be able to enjoy the party. In the past I would have had anxiety about drinking so much that I made an ass out of myself, so wondering if I will be able to loosen up and have fun is a better problem to have. That said, Iím still a little anxious about it.

I would love to hear from any of you who have navigated these waters.
I recently leave alcohol and now I'm feeling good. You are something like me. Good stuff. Always remember that alcohol is dangerious for our health, have no any pros. My consultant told me that, "stop drinking alcohol; I always remember that.
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Old 02-26-2017, 04:40 AM
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I had 65 days sober when I had to be in Vegas for a work weekend. It just happened that some good friends were there also. They are big partiers and I partied with them hard. I met up with my friends because I knew I wasn't going to drink. I had run every scenario through my head and had back plans for them. I have 400 days plus now and still use this technique. If I feel any glimmer that I might drink, I skip the event.

I need to have a legitimate reason to be at a bar, know I am spiritually fit enough not to drink, and have back up plans to all the worst case scenarios. Over the holidays I learned I really don't like bars or being around drunks. I showed up later to each event and left earlier. Last birthday party I attended at a bar. I literally walked in gave my friend a card greeted the other guests and walked out. The next day my friend called to thank me for showing up and the card. Then talked about some of the events that happened. She didn't even realize that I had left as soon as I showed up. I am not that important to other's lives as I once thought.
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Old 02-26-2017, 08:58 AM
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Hi Alaskagirl. It sounds like you're doing really well. I've been quit for about the same time you have. I've had two occasions so far where I was out and others were drinking. Like you, I consciously planned not to drink, or to stay too long. For me it helped to have a glass of water in my hand the whole time. Or sparkling water with lime and ice. People won't ask you why you're not drinking and you'll end up fully hydrated. The first time I went out after quitting was an eye opener because I got to watch all the drinkers without being one of them. People do stupid stuff when they're drunk. They get loud, tell the same story, knock stuff over....it's not very entertaining. You may find the whole experience boring and end up wishing you were doing something else. It's good to maintain contact with your friends (positive ones at least...not to say they have to be "sober")and we can't expect the world to stop drinking just because we have so I believe these experiences are mandatory. People here may disagree based on their own comfort levels which is fine. I had dinner with my mom the other night and she had two glasses of wine. I'm not going to avoid or miss dinner with my mom (or other normal situations like this where alcohol is involved) so my personal goal is to be able to remain focused in any situation, and still be able to take part in the occasion. With that being said, it seems like the longer I don't drink, the less appealing drinking situations (bars etc) are anyways.
Good luck with everything. Have fun at the party and maybe just tell yourself that you have to be home by 10pm. Plan something fun for the next morning where you need to be bright eyed and bushy tailed.
I don't mean to give advice as I am figuring my way through this too. Just sharing thoughts.
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Old 02-26-2017, 01:31 PM
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Hi all, I thought I would give an update on my night out

It turned out not to be a big deal. I had some AV action when I was getting ready, in my drinking days I would have been "pre-gaming" before I went to tune myself up for the evening. That way I could hide how much alcohol I had in my system and drink more "normally" in front of everyone.

I allowed myself to feel the wishes of the beast, then dismissed them because I don't drink.

At the bar I got a tall glass of water with lemon right away so I had a drink in my hand. I ended up drinking a lot of water, but I didn't feel deprived. Having something to sip on made it feel normal. None of my friends pressured me, and nobody got too sloppy while I was there. I stayed for two and a half hours, then happily drove home. It was the perfect first foray into that kind of scene, low key and there were others who weren't drinking.

I'm feeling great today, but I know there will be other times the beast will rear its head more forcefully. I won't get complacent.

Thanks again for all of your support.
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Old 02-26-2017, 02:11 PM
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Originally Posted by AlaskaGirl View Post
It turned out not to be a big deal...I ended up drinking a lot of water, but I didn't feel deprived...
You may attribute any feeling of deprivation to the Beast, AlaskaGirl. It, and not you, feels deprived when not drinking. In this fashion, you will never feel deprived.

Originally Posted by AlaskaGirl View Post
I'm feeling great today, but I know there will be other times the beast will rear its head more forcefully. I won't get complacent.
Welcome the AV as a sign of health, AlaskaGirl, and set your confidence level at 100%. All self-doubt about perfect abstinence is the AV itself, by definition, because it suggests more drinking.

There is no need to fear, so long as you recognize this for what it is. Don't let it rattle you -- once recognized, it will lose its power.
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Old 02-27-2017, 06:31 AM
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"then dismissed them, because I don't drink"
Told ya !! goodonya
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Old 02-27-2017, 11:46 AM
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Go AlaskaGirl, you're awesome! I attended a concert a few weeks after I stopped drinking and didn't miss drinking at all, didn't feel deprived. In fact, it's one of the few concerts I remember and I really enjoyed myself. Though, it was sad to see the folks who'd drank prior, racing to top up at the bar in the interval; because that used to be me.
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Old 02-27-2017, 01:42 PM
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Glad all wet well AlaskaGirl, and glad you're staying vigilant

D
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