120degrees0ut

HI! Its true right, not Everyone who drinks becomes an alcoholic? Ive read tons of stuff trying to help myself. What about these people i know ive seen at get together things: They are constantly drinking beer. bring a case of beer everytime to these get togethers. ive never seen them without a beer in their hand. they immediately get another beer when they finish one. every single time ive seen these people; this is the norm. SO....WHY arent these people an alcoholic like me? Are they eventuall gonna become alcoholic, down the line? One of the guys was my old neighbor...i never saw him drinking first thing in the morning like i do. Do these people i wonder...crave alcohol first thing in morning? Do they get shakes, dry heaves, etc. like i did every morning? These are people that are constantly stocked w/ beer at home, too. Im not friends w/ these people, so im not gonna ask them, no way! But WHY do i see people constantly drinking like this...yet they SEEM to not be a big-time alcoholic like me? ive never seen them drink hard liquor. ive never seen them get into screaming fights w/ others like i would, drunk. WHY are these people so very different from me? EVENTUALLY, are they gonna wake up one day and NEED a drink, like i ALWAYS did? I dont get it! Theyre constantly drinking when theyre not working. Does it take many, many years of drinking to become alcoholic? I felt like i was always an alcoholic, truthfully. Thanks Everybody!

paulokes

No answers from me...just to say there are some signs.

The World Health Organisation use some common questions in their screening:
- Changes in tolerance to alcohol
- Loss of control once you start to drink
- Waking up with feelings of guilt or remorse related to drinking
- Blackouts
- Harm or expression of concern by others

Some folks drink regularly and are fine with that. I wasn't one of those. Personally I believe I had a physical (genetic?) Predisposition to booze, a mental and emotional dependency and drank past the point of choice.

P

120degrees0ut

U and Me Both PAULOKES. And i read theyre still studying if alcohol is genetic. or they do believe it is. theyre still studying that...

BrendaChenowyth

I don't know if we can objectively say that about others. I think it's common knowledge that excessive alcohol intake is unhealthy, and so to do it excessively on a continuous basis is showing a lack of common sense. We can assume that they are abusing alcohol and that they have no common sense. We can't assume they're addicted to alcohol. Unless they tell us they are having trouble stopping.

120degrees0ut

Yeah youre right!

ScottFromWI

I really don't think there is an answer as to why some people "aren't" alcoholics...just at it's impossible to say why I am an alcoholic. We just don't know. I tried to find out "why" for years and years and in the end it really just caused me more frustration. In all reality, I really wanted to know why because I though that if i did, I could fix whatever was wrong and start drinking again "normally". But we've seen time and time again that it's simply not possible.

Accepting that i AM an alcoholic was the only way to freedom for me. And in a sense I also had to accept that other people can drink "normally" too. And some of them can even binge drink on occasion and go back to normal drinking afterwards. It's doesn't seem fair or just on the surface, but sometimes life isn't fair, right?

120degrees0ut

ScottFromWI...I like reading your great comments to everyone here. youre right, also, i dont think theres an answer. i always seem to ask questions theres no answers to..LOL. but im curious person. always trying to figure out my problems. and ive read lotsa books on alcoholism, and Drs dont know things, either. and every person is different also. i just wish, i guess, that i wasnt addicted to alcohol, and wonder alot WHY I am. Thanks!!

Clean30

You're wising up. While others deal with the pain and or don't see the bad road they are on you have awaken and don't want it anymore.

You went down that road before and indulged. There are no more excuses you can find that will allow you to continue and think its normal or not unhealthy.

The cats is out of the bag! It's poison to all humans not just you.

ljc267

I'm the guy you are describing to a T. Except, of course, I am an alcoholic. I was always in, what appeared to be, control of myself. I was never visibly drunk in front of people. Aside from a short period of time, never drank during the day and never in the morning. I did this to appear "normal" and in control when I was anything but. I always said why am I different from this person or that person. The fact is I can't drink like the average person, It doesn't matter if a, b, or c can, I can't. It took me a long time to come to terms with that fact, but once I did it made a difference for me. I accepted I had a problem, I quit drinking, and am working on better myself, so don't compare yourself to others, because you aren't necessarily comparing yourself to something realistic, but rather to an appearance of truth.

2ndhandrose

Perhaps you are not seeing the whole picture.

Many people in my sphere did not witness the worst of my drinking and as a result might question my assertion that I am an alcoholic.

I didn't drink in the morning but there is no doubt in my mind that I am an alcoholic. None.

heartcore

Remember too that alcoholics are the masters of hiding their alcoholism!

Not everyone you see standing at that bar-b-que with the constant beer in their hand is what you think you see! You have no idea how many of them woke with the shakes, or had to drink pre-party to prepare, or will continue drinking late into the night after they return home and have a horrible screaming fight with their partner. We just have no idea.

Absolutely no one in my life knew I had a problem with alcohol. Seriously. Even my adult children are terribly confused at my involvement with AA, etc. I think there were a few boyfriends who thought I was crazy! lol...but not alcoholic.

I could drink beers with others at a party and appear to be only mildly loaded. I never drove drunk. But when I got home from that party, I would sit on my back porch, alone, and drink and drink and drink.

We have no idea what secret worlds others inhabit. We only know our own.

There is no "normal." There are so many of us that have struggled with alcohol or drugs or other addictions that this is also "normal." We are all just humans, and we seldom see the true faces of others - just what they choose to show us...

Forward12

I think many of us question why do we have to be alcoholics, where everyone else can be "normal" when it comes to drinking.
I don't think there is really any answer other than we are alcoholics, we can not handle drinking in a responsible manner.

Whodathunk

Heartcore, I was that person that you described that you just don't know about, the master of hiding it. My wife (who drinks like us but is not us 'yet') and I were going through marriage counseling weekly, and we each had a separate shrink to work on each of our 'stuff' with, also weekly in between mc. I also had my original shrink who I was seeing up till mc but had to choose a new one for mc due to suspected 'bias'. This was during my spiral down to my bottom.

I tried to kill myself one morning, while drunk, with a razor blade, and actually stopped the cutting to drive myself to the ER to get 'bandage up' then drive myself home. That was a one way ticket to the psych ward. When I got out each shrink met with me and were each personally mystified at how they 'missed' this with me. No warning signs that I provided to any of them.

So that demonstrates how skilled 'some of us' are at hiding our secret life as you put it so well.

I also was a pre-party drinker so that I could make it through what ever function it was that I had to attend, nursing an "appropriate" number of drinks, then was off to the races when we got home while everyone else was asleep.

And on and on an on.

My personal opinion is that we were born with this and each of us progressed to the point of losing control at our own point in time. I was able to binge, have one drink, leave beer in the bottle or wine in the glass without that need to not only finish mine but finish others who were done and were not watching as I cleared our dining room table when friends came over. No opened wine bottle was ever corked as long as I was there...... but my time came in my early 40's. It snuck up on me, till I remembered one day knowing I had a problem (even after googling those "Am I An Alcoholic" tests, that I always failed, but those tests were wrong....). Then getting sober was a nightmare. It took a long time, with one big relapse.

I love this thread. Thanks to the OP and all others who are commenting.

tomsteve

"WHY arent these people an alcoholic like me? "
who says they aren't?

"But WHY do i see people constantly drinking like this...yet they SEEM to not be a big-time alcoholic like me? "
you might see people like this because youre hanging around it?
maybe they are big time alcoholics?

"EVENTUALLY, are they gonna wake up one day and NEED a drink, like i ALWAYS did?"
maybe

"One of the guys was my old neighbor...i never saw him drinking first thing in the morning like i do?"
do you see what goes on behind closed doors?

not every big time alcoholic starts the day drinking.
some start the day still drunk from the night before.

entropy1964

I think the thought process, why am I an alcoholic, is normal. Part of that process involves comparing and contrasting. Again normal. I'm also a person that enjoys knowledge for knowledges' sake.

The problem with my alcoholism is there is no answer. There's no logical explanation for something so cunning, baffling and powerful. And where this thinking gets dicey for me is when I start to believe I can intellectualize my way back to drinking 'like those other people'. That does not work. Never will.

So rather than compare I try to accept myself for what I am. I'm alcoholic and am powerless over alcohol if I choose to ingest it. Pretty simple really. But I spent years trying to complicate it.

fini

i find myself wondering off and on if studying why some people can drink like that and not be alcoholics might not yield useful data. more useful data, perhaps, than all the studying of alcoholics.
what do heavy or light orsocial ir 'normal' drinkers have or not have that alcoholics do?

Avra

I never drank in morning, or really much before 6pm. I didnt have shakes or any obvious signs of physical withdrawl, yet I am very much alcoholic. When I drink I bkack out, i almost always drink to excess with negative consequences.

But ultimately does matter if someone is alcoholic or just a problem/heavy drinker ? If drinking is hurting their health and having bad consequences, they probably shouldnt drink. I know lots of people who may not be alcoholic but abuse alcohol and probably suffer its ill effects.

That all said, I used to have an off switch a very long time ago. At some point I lost it.

Eddiebuckle

I think this is pretty common - I did a fair amount of navel-gazing over why I was an alcoholic in my early sobriety. In my case I think deep down there was still resistance to giving up what had for the vast majority of my life been the solution to virtually every problem I faced. As though if I could find that elusive thing that was responsible for my drinking, then if I took care of that thing... maybe I could drink again.

I surrounded myself with people that drank like me - today, some are in bad shape, some seem completely normal. The trouble is, nobody can tell beforehand which group they will end up in, and by the time you realize/accept that you're not able to drink normally, you can't drink normally.

It didn't happen overnight, but for me I see my "not drinking" much like I see the color of my eyes. It is how I am and spending my time wondering why I don't have different colored eyes is pretty foolish. Fortunately, this sober life is incredible. I have become many things I thought were simply not possible, and it's all because I did and still do what it takes to stay sober, every day. I do this because I am an alcoholic - no amount of time since my last drink is going to change that, but more importantly - why would I ever want to go back to that hellish existence?

Good luck 120 - you can do this.

NYCDoglvr

I call myself an alcoholic because I am incapable of having one or two drinks. If I have a drink I have no control over the quantity or the results.

Berrybean

I know what you mean. I spent many many hours on the same questions. In the process I built up, and fed, a lot of resentments about the 'why me?' stuff - which didn't exactly make for healthy and comfortable sobriety. It used a lot of emotional energy, which I just couldn't spare to be honest.

Nowadays I just think that other people's drinking is none of my business. What IS my business is my sobriety and my recovery. And this is what I choose to use my energy on now.

We can stand on the burning deck trying to analyse why OUR ship caught fire, and ruminating on the unfairness of it all, or we can choose to get off that ship quick smart, and focus on getting to a safer, happier place.

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB