try2again

watch intervention & just wish you had family & friends that cared enough like that? yeah, i'd go...

try2again

what to do when you have a crap marriage & he just wants to hang on it because i'd like out & take 1/2 his pension - he's done things to me people go to jail for but does marriage license make it ok - he thinks so. I have not a friend in this world. a family that's not close & I may never see again.

Opivotal

Have you seen a lawyer try2again? Consulatations are free and you'd know exactly where you stand. I don't think you should put up with abuse... no one deserves to be treated that way, male or female.

As far as Intervention, yes I've watched it. Those particular stories make good television. I'm sure there are many alcoholics, addicts that have no family or friends to intervene.

Many have to take the initiative and find a program or supportive community to get and stay sober.

I'm glad you reached out try2again, you have an SR family that cares.

ScottFromWI

Sorry to hear you are not in a good place try2again. Have you considered contacting the women's community in your area or a domestic violence shelter? Even verbal abuse is illegal and you have rights. You can choose to leave too. What he "thinks" is irrelevant when it comes to abuse....you don't have to put up with it.

try2again

thanks! no I haven't seen a lawyer but googled - been married 31 years & pretty sure in every state pension is a joint asset

I just need strength to be independent & how the heck do you do that at 53?

ScottFromWI

You can find a lot of support in communities such as this and there is most likely a lot of support locally too. Churches, domestic abuse groups, social services, support groups, there are many. It is scary for certain...but is it any scarier than what you are living with now? People are out there to help.

try2again

but really when it's what you've been through & no real proof to show & he thinks he's just the best man ever & just get over it but all the years I just can't forget & a few years ago I was in a better place work wise, drink wise, wanted out & he was was like flung a chair & let me do this w/o getting pissed - reached out to family & they were just like go to the dr get some meds...that didn't work - I continue to drink - other than 3 cats who are my everything at this point - I live w/ this f***** & at this point it's mostly silent treatment because he thinks my feelings/hate are crazy & at this point maybe I am

BrendaChenowyth

Yeah, nobody wanted to ask then. Nobody wanted to ask now.

It only ever became an issue if I embarrassed someone, caused them shame. My well-being, not the issue.

try2again

seriously though - hidden cameras - being asleep & a pill put in your mouth, more than once - 2nd time I realized what it was...no lie, I've lived w/ this other stuff & just can't let it go. guess it's all my damn fault to have put up w/ this for a minute

ScottFromWI

You have rights. Please seek help. And it is not your fault in the least.

PhoenixJ

Prayers

try2again

I know i'm dying inside mentally & alcohol is killing me physically - am I the only one that's like every Monday or every 1st of the month...i'm gonna do this - obviously wanting to stop & actually doing it are 2 different things

try2again

i'm pretty me, myself & I other than my cats - i'm not strong - how do I do this?

heartcore

The behavior you describe is abuse.

It is never too late to begin again. It is dangerous for you to stay. He has crossed the line.

Please scroll down to the Friends & Family of Alcoholics forum & repost. I realize you're also dealing with your own alcohol abuse, but you can get very concrete & helpful advice there regarding your situation...

heartcore

Ps. Nobody starts as strong. We become strong.

Forward12

I would look into getting out of the situation ASAP. Calling a lawyer first thing monday morning sounds like a great start.

try2again

in my heart & soul I know I've been abused - but then again he doesn't see what he has done as abuse...a couple months ago I had jury duty & wouldn't ya know the case I got chosen for was a case dealing w/ something sexual & I just couldn't do it & went in front of the judge & between 2 lawyers & said I've had things done to me & I can't do this & had tears in my eyes

Behappy1

No, you are NOT the only one!! 53 is NOT old!! There is still a lot of life to live. I agree, consultations are free. When I got divorced i went to 3 different lawyers for a consult - all free. From those 3 I chose the one that I wanted to represent me. Take the first two steps. Number 1 stop drinking. Nobody will take your situation seriously until you do. Number 2 consult with attorneys.

I stayed in a marriage waaaaayyy too long as well. Thought he'd change, I could fix him, he'd see the light, he'd get better etc. That never happened. You're not alone sister and I'm sorry you're in the situation you are in.

try2again

the sad thing is I've just lived w/ this inside myself for years & not something fresh & recent

try2again

ok, I'm just in this life by myself - but it's the best life ever...learned I can't say fml - because he's the best & this life is the best