BrendaChenowyth

I drink tonight, after almost five months of sobriety, wake up tomorrow with a hangover and vow never to do it again. Did I relapse? Can I say I have five months of sobriety? Or is it more honest to say I relapsed and I'm starting over from day one again?

What do I think I gain from telling others I have five months of sobriety, when my last drink was yesterday or last week?

How is it actually hurting me (if it is hurting me)?

What message could it be sending to others in early recovery?

PhoenixJ

It does not matter what others think. What do you think? What does your quiet voice tell you?
Prayers and support, keep posting. You are one of us human people. We do stuff.

biminiblue

So...I don't understand.

Is this a rhetorical question? Or did you drink?

If I were to drink, I would be honest about it with myself. I mean, sure you can say you're five months. Or you can say you were five months and are starting over. You're the only one who you need to be honest with.

ScottFromWI

You are the only one accountable for your actions Brenda. To me personally, any amount of drinking that I willfully do would result in an end to my sobriety and I would start over. -

I'm also confused...did you actually drink or are you just posting this as another hypothetical situation?

BrendaChenowyth

I tried to be all clever and phrase it so that it sounded rhetorical. Darn.

ScottFromWI

Honesty to yourself is the most important thing. Being clever about it probably won't help you quit again, now will it?

biminiblue

Then be honest about it.

Why did you throw it away? If it is the loneliness you were describing yesterday or the obsessive thoughts, or anger at your mother, or the fear of the church or all of this put together - it needs to be sorted out or you're going to continue to go back to the bottle to quiet your mind.

How about AA meetings? Counseling? Talking to someone in the church? This is a crisis moment, BC.

August252015

Hi Brenda,
I was hoping when I saw just now that you had responded to the thread again, your answer would in fact be this was hypothetical.
I am so sorry to hear it isn't; I am a one-drink-means-relapse camp.

You've sounded everywhere from thoughtful to pretty torn-up about a lot of things lately and my heart goes out to you. I hope you find some way to sort through all that is on your plate and simplify to what will best help you stay sober.

Glad you made it back. I am also a believer that the one drink we take "one more time" might be the last....not in the good way.

Take care of yourself.

BrendaChenowyth

NO! I DID intentionally phrase it as a rhetorical question and I was lamenting the fact that my grammatical skills were obviously not so hot!

It is written that way on purpose guys, it is just a discussion topic.

biminiblue

So you're just fishing again?

BrendaChenowyth

As tonight and tomorrow are still in the future as far as I know.

BrendaChenowyth

Yes, I am fishing for thoughts on people in recovery doing this.

ScottFromWI

Please state that in your original message then. It's a pretty serious topic even in a hypothetical sense, and it comes across as if you are toying with people whether you intended it to or not.

BrendaChenowyth

Toying with people?

My post is phrased as a hypothetical. I do this later today and then tomorrow the result is this and then I do that. Can I then say X?

BrendaChenowyth

Being unclear, fishing and toying with people aside, this IS intended to be a rhetorical question for discussion.

tomsteve

to thine own self be true

biminiblue

In all fairness, BC - you're kind of hard to follow on most of your posts, and you often correct us for misreading you.

Perhaps it's your style - I'll stay out of your threads from now on.

BrendaChenowyth

I was embarrassed, you didn't do anything wrong. I just kind of wanted to get the topic off of me and what I didn't do right and on to the question.

Fusion

There are probably folks reading SR in a position of which you 'rhetorically' speak. I feel sure that for them, it's no debating matter, it can be a matter of life or death.

I fail to see the point in your OP, if, as you state, you're not in that position. In my experience, this is not a debating society, it's a recovery society. What do you really wish to discuss?

BrendaChenowyth

Whether it is helpful, to the person who has relapsed or to others they may share ideas with in recovery, to say after a relapse that they have months of continuous sobriety? Why or why not?