YoungHyde25

I don't even know why I try anymore when life just gets worst. Financial aid denied my appeal so now I have no way of paying for college and my classes will be dropped. And i've been doing so good in my classes. It's like life is programmed to be set against you if you're poor and no matter how hard or how fast you try to dig yourself out the "poor" ditch you fall right back into it. I sold most of what I had just to pay for the college application.

To be honest, drunk, sober, life is all the same. It doesn't matter, a happy life is a illusion. Yes maybe you will win the lotto in life and have a good life or maybe God will decide to take a crap on you. I am tired, I am sick and tired of fighting hard just to have all the hard work I do to amount to nothing. No one in this world is helping me and I can't always do it on my own but i'm expected to.

College is expensive, how do the people in power honestly expect someone who is working full-time, paying car bills, paying house bills and other things to afford college. The government sets it up so you have to rely on them because they know you're going to fail, then they make you pay them anyways. It's disgusting.

I'm going to be very honest, I got a DUI 6 months ago before today, July 12th 2016, and I really wish I died. I suffered enough in this life, and everyone is letting me down left and right. No one wants me here and I don't want to be here.

Maudcat

I'm sorry that you are having a hard time, Young. Life seems unfair and uphill sometimes. No advice, just ahug.

ChloeRose63

When one door closes another one opens up...wait for it. Things will work out! Don't give up..give it up to a higher power....Look up!!!

YoungHyde25

If I believed in a higher power, I probably would of become a Monk and move out into the mountains. I'm not good at anything when it comes to life, i'm horrible at relationships and with people, never had a girlfriend, did horrible in school, I hated 95% of my jobs, I hate working.

My options are pretty much homelessness or joining a monastery. Maybe becoming a drunk bum isn't so bad.

zjw

that sucks lifes a real POS at times heck more then at times.

But i mean it is what it is? sometimes you just gotta let it be and go with the flow. instead of stressing about what it is you want it to be the old live life on lifes terms kinda thing.

I know its probably not what you wanna hear. But I've found and still find myself in crap situations and its like I always come back to well once i remove all this BS life just is and me throwing booze into the mix isnt gonna make it any better. All i can do is breath shrug and try to move forward. The one good thing is this stuff is transient itc omes and it goes life is not always a POS these bad situations come and they go thankfully. IN the end while it sucks in the moment life can and will go on thankfull so that we are not perpetually stuck in the crap moment.

I dunno that sorta stuff gives me some comfort.

YoungHyde25

Thank you everyone for the kind words. I'm not sure about the whole sobriety thing to be honest. I miss my partying days, sure there's alot of stuff to worry about as an adult but what's the point? You have to jump through 7 rings of fire just to be successful in America, no one has any time for that. Life is short, I don't want to spend it worrying about impressing employers, professors and jumping through hoops. I don't want my life to not be my own.

When I was younger I thought anything was possible, then I grew up and discovered you have to go through hundreds of hoops just to get what you want and impress a bunch of people and I was okay with that. But if you don't get it right the 1st time, gameover??

Well i'm done, after I got my DUI all I did was worry, worry about finding a good job, taxes, money, college, car insurance, having good credit, my health. I thought if I could just become rich I wouldn't have to worry anymore and all my problems would disappear, but silly me. I'm done worrying and planning. I'm going to move somewhere nice and tropical, become a hippie, find a hippie girl and marry her, and maybe buy a dog. And we may die very poor but hopefully we die happy.

SnazzyDresser

Your life hasn't even begun yet! Way too early to give up on everything or to think you have everything figured out and the fix is in. The fix isn't in, not at all, and there's plenty you can do with your life with some time, patience, and consistent effort. You're thinking way too negative for someone so young.

paulokes

Hi!

Like you say, the answer to life is not work hard and get rich. Least not from where I'm standing. I tried that...over and over again I either threw it all away or kept it and still felt miserable.

That doesnt mean that life isn't worth living. Just means you found out one more thing that "Can't" make you happy, if you try to make it the focus of your world and you make your happiness contingent on it

Booze didn't fix me
Women didn't fix me
Work didn't fix me
Academic success didn't fix me

I hope things pick up for you. I also hope you can get to a place where your sense of happiness and wellbeing is sustainable and doesn't depend on "all that crap out there".

P

Bubovski

The system seems to work well for some; others are disillusioned by it.
In trying to escape the system we may turn to alcohol and drugs and these, one way or another, are still part of the system.
Don't put yourself down for not fitting in, not all fitting in is excellent.
By looking more broadly you may find a niche that really suits, and excell.

Dee74

Don't let the current situation get you down YoungHyde.

maybe there are other ways you can find financial support? have you talked to anyone about that at your college?

When the going gets tough the tough really do get going...if drinking was the answer for you you'd have never signed up here to SR...

D

ScottFromWI

That sounds nice YoungHyde, but unfortunately we cannot move away from our problems. Our addiction is inside our heads so it follows us wherever we may go.

I think you need to take a step back and start working on things one at a time. If you set unrealistic goals, you will always fail. You are young still have time to do just about anything you like - but you will need to face up to your addiction for what it is first before you can move on. Plenty of people get DUI's and move on from it - me included.

BrickbyBrick83

Money and success isn't the magic bullet that you think it is when you're young....if it was, there wouldn't be so much depression and suicide among rich and famous people. Do you think Robin Williams was ok, just because he had achieved what many would agree was the pinnacle of his career? Would you swap your life for his? I certainly wouldn't.

Alcohol (if you're relying on it/abusing it) will only make you more miserable. It messes up the brain. It's a depressant. It doesn't allow you to focus on solutions, or ways forward.

Why don't you sit down with a huge sheet of paper - A3 maybe - and some pens. Be 100% honest with yourself about where you want to go with your life, what you want to do. Write it down, draw it. If you really want to go to college, you will find a way to do it. Why did financial aid turn you down? Can you talk to your college about delayed payment? Could you reach out to someone to sponsor you - family or otherwise?

Could you even achieve what you want out of life without going to college? I went through four years of university. I look back now and I could have got to the position I am in now (running my own business) without it. I basically just went b/c I wasn't sure what else to do!

I think you have lots to think about; lots of opportunities; lots of doors! Try to stay positive, and definitely stay away from the booze if it's a problem for you.

BrickbyBrick83

I want to add, please DM me through the site if you want to chat with someone. I have two younger brothers that have gone through similar stuff to you. One is the same age as you.

One of them has recovered from alcohol/drug dependency and is now on his way to getting a business degree; the other (same age as you) is also back at university (hasn't had any addiction issues, but did snap, and vanish for about a year! Turned out he went backpacking around the UK and Germany, lol). Neither of them got any financial aid.

I'm always happy to offer a friendly ear, and any advice that I can give

fini

YH,
you say you don't wnt your life not to be your own....well then, for sure do what you need to do to not go back to drinking or using.
drinking or using.......your life is run by the drug. Not your own, but owned.

least

I'm sorry you're going thru tough times, but you know as well as I do that drinking won't help, and will, in fact, make things worse.

thomas11

YoungHyde, you are much stronger than you think you are. Don't give up. Its ok and normal to have down days when faced with bad news. The sun will rise tomorrow and life will go on. Don't give up, keep pushing forward. It sounds cliche, but its true. I've been to hell and back (more than once), if you'd like to know more, let me know. More than happy to share.

Ken33xx

You've got a full time job, a car and house payments. Doesn't sound as if you're doing too bad. Besides nobody said life was easy or fair.

However, one thing is for sure and that is drinking won't improve the situation.

Get another DUI and you're going to find out what real problems are.

Outonthetiles

Break it down into small problems. You need a place to live. Get a roommate and move to smaller, cheaper place and share expenses. I did that even after college. I wasn't too proud to have a housemate even in my late 20s.
Keep working. Drop classes and carry a half load or even less. Whatever is affordable with out taking out massive loans.
Don't eat out. Don't have a girlfriend. Don't have cable. Keep your head down and work and go to school.
I did and am still doing most of those things. Stop the pity party.

Gottalife

Does this sound like you YoungHyde?

"We were having trouble with personal relation- ships, we couldn’t control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn’t make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn’t seem to be of real help to other people — "