Doug39

I attended my first AA meeting this afternoon. I have been to some before but that was almost 30 years ago.

Everybody was very welcoming; someone read a passage from the A Day at a Time book and we went around the room and everybody said what the passage meant to them or just passed.

When it was my turn I said a few sentences and then passed.

I have mixed feeling about the meeting - I can see how it can help some people and their is a lot of support.

Their were a few things that bothered me about the meeting. Their are people there only because they were ordered to go from court - the guy next to me was texting or whatever on his phone the whole hour and didn't pay any attention. Also I understand that it is good to talk about addiction to stay sober but I want to move on with my life and not think about the last 27 years of my alcoholism - I feel that if I continue to dwell on it I will stay in a negative place and it will keep my depression alive.

I will certainly try more meetings.

Bunny211

Hi Doug - Try step meetings. They focus on the SOLUTION rather than the problem. I could not sit in AA meetings and listen to people talk about how much they drank, how they puked in a dumpster yada yada yada. Nope. I found step meetings to be much better. Some are very strict and no one is on their phones in many of them.

kgr103110

I'm looking to try AA myself, although I haven't gone to a meeting as of yet. Something about walking through that door is intimidating for me.

Thank you for sharing about your experience.

Doug39

It that the same as Big Book Study Meetings?

BrendaChenowyth

I know how you feel, Doug, I find it can potentially pull my energy down if there is a lot of talk about wanting to drink. It doesn't make me want to drink, it's just a funky vibe I don't want. I do feel like a lot of AA discussion can be more problem focused than solution focused. But everyone is at a different place on the learning curve of recovery.

I would agree with the suggestion of trying step meetings, more solution focused.

I am tempted to go to the Women's 12 step meeting tonight, I almost went two Wednesdays ago but didn't.. (Edit, that's tomorrow and I think I will plan on it)

ScottFromWI

Step meetings actually focus on one of the 12 steps and how to work towards them. Big Book meetings generally focus on a passage like the one you just attended.

Regarding the folks that were there by mandate or not paying attention, you'll find that at any meeting - could be an AA meeting, a school board meeting or a corporate boardroom meeting. Focus on the people that are paying attention and the topics.

awuh1

Doug be careful. I understand that you want to move on with your life. That's a good impulse. But try not to ignore the problem as the means of solving it. This can be an enormous pitfall. I've seen it again and again. The problem needs to be addressed.

Many who regularly attend meetings have moved on from their problem drinking. Helping others is something they want to do, and not necessarily something they need to do.

It's part of their solution to the problem... luckily for newcomers like yourself.

zjw

yeah i guess focus on why yoru there tho.

and i dunno i was weary about going too at first for starters it was in the same town as one of my fav bars. and i thought sitting there talking about booze for an hour would well make me pretty thirsty.

I dont wanna dwell on it either but here i am over 5 years still sober. But id otn go to AA regularly. but I do keep sobriety and my alcohism at the forefront in my life. Partly because I want it there so that i can remain sober. but partly cause for me its just how it is. I see beer in a store the wheels turn. I see a bar the hweels turn. I dunno its just something i'm not sure i'll ever move on from.

But i'm not like depressed about it its not really a bad thing. its just like something i remain cogniscent of so as to not get complacent and fall backwards.

JeffreyAK

I absolutely agree, there's a time to move on in life and not get too wrapped up in recoveryism, and there are folks in all flavors of programs who haven't moved on and are stuck. But that time is not early recovery, which is what it sounds like you're in. Once we've got a good long period of sobriety going, a year or maybe two, we might consider making changes, but until that time I think the priority has got to be on staying sober, and group support works for most of us.

Dave42001

I hope you continue to go back.

Kgr, I hope you check out a meeting, you'll be welcome with open arms! They just want to help! If you want to stop drinking it's the place to be!!

Wishing you both the best!

Gottalife

Step meetings talk about the steps, generally from the 12 and 12. In some places there are big book steps meetings which lead one through the directions in the big book for taking the steps.

Big book studies normally work their way through the book like it is a text book, which it is. This covers some of the history of AA, how it started, who helped, and outline of the solution, a good bit of detail about alcoholism as we experience it, an explanation of the spiritual aspect of the program and how we came to terms with it, clear cut directions on taking all the steps, examples of specific situations, ideas on how to help others, work with family, explain the program to employers and how to find and help alcoholics who still suffer, and more.

They can cover a great deal of ground and tend to be very safe places where there is no place for drama. They tend to attract men and women in fairly even proportion, who are serious about getting sober.

It is great you got to a meeting. It takes enormous courage to do that on your own. Sadly, attending meetings is about the slowest way there is of finding out what AA is about and what it can do. That is because, as you just discovered, meetings are random affairs, and not designed to substitute for twelve step work.

I suggest finding a recovered alcoholic whose style of sobriety you like, and spending a couple of hours with them talknig about the program. You can get answers to all your questions and will learn more doing that than you would in 50 meetings. I spent a Sunday afternoon doing that back in 1980. It got me off to a good start. I haven't needed to drink since.

Zebra1275

I'm looking to try AA myself, although I haven't gone to a meeting as of yet. Something about walking through that door is intimidating for me.

Yep, it can be.

Before my first meeting, I carefully watched from the safety of my car to make sure I didn't recognize anyone going in.

zjw

The quote "get busy living or get busy dieing comes to mind" can either let our alcoholism bring us Down or bring us forward it's up to us to decide how it's gonna be once we put the plug in the jug.

Berrybean

One of the promises, should we choose to work the 12-step program and get involved in the fellowship and attend meetings and the like, is that we will one day get to the stage where we 'will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it'. I know it seems an unlikely promise at the moment, but that has materialised for me and thousands upon thousands of other people. Stay sober, and do the work, and you will one day come to the stage where you have reached a stage of acceptance about your past. I sure remember having that desire to 'lalalalalaa' all thoughts of it out of your head in a panic when I was first sober.

Like others said, try different meetings. The study meetings tend to be more solution focussed generally, but it also depends on the group dynamics a little as well. It might even be that they were saying how it USED to be for them before they recovered so you would be able to identify with them. That can be painful in itself, but it's better than you sitting there thinking that they've never really had a problem with alcohol because they all seem fine now.

Most of us are very, very emotionally raw and anxious at our first few meetings so they can be tough to get through, esp if we don't like showing that emotion that we've kept squashed down and under control for so long (I was so embarrassed that I cried at several meetings before it all settled down).

I hope you keep going and give that, and other meetings a good try. Say a couple of months or so.

tomsteve

id suggest ya get the big book and read it,too, doug to get an understanding of what the program is. meetings are great, but going to meetings and not drinking dont trreat alcoholism.


isnt it great to see the court ordered people there instead of on the street,drunk, and wreaking havoc.lots of people, including myself, found long term recovery with their 1st higher power being a judge.

if all you heard was talk about addiction,theres 2 things possible:
-ya found a bad meeting where nothing but problems are shared
or
-ya werent listening properly.
pretty crazy how i could go to a meeting with my sponsor yet we'd hear 2 different meetings.

Doug39

Thanks to everyone for their input.

I am going to try another meeting tomorrow morning and tomorrow night.

I am really just using the daytime meeting as "test meetings" to relearn the ropes. I am going back to work on February 6th so I will only be able to attend the evening meetings.

Fly N Buy

Open discussion meetings as you describe can have the mess carried along with the message. I have found a purpose for that however - it allows me to work on my tolerance which can sorely be lacking.

Book study groups here go line by line through the book over many meetings in a continuous manner. They differ from OD (open discussion ) meetings

Today I take something from every meeting I attend. That took a couple years to happen. I enjoy seeing friends and the reinforcement I am not in this alone.
What I get out of a meeting is dependent on how open my heat is I find. It wasn't always that way and I can indeed relate to all comments.

It didn't change ......... I did.

mfanch

"Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery." (BB pg 59). It doesn't say "here are the meetings we went to." Going to meetings is only a part. Working the 12-steps with a sponsor is the solution to the drink problem in AA.

Glad you are here!

sg1970

I have found that the later meetings have more of a serious group than the early meetings. Fewer people who don't want to be there.

Also, I thought the same regarding not wanting to get stuck in that mindset for the rest of my life. As I get further into recovery the pain of the past has settled. Some days it feels like the past was just a dream. When I see a new person that is hurting it reminds me that this is lifelong and life or death. It reminds me of the pain that got me into recovery to start with. Coming here gives me the same reminder. Both also give me the chance to help newcomers. If you are like me your perception of life will drastically change. Hang in there.

advbike

I don't go to AA meetings that often anymore, but I found the actual steps (worked with a sponsor) to be quite helpful. I also really enjoy and find value in Men's group meetings - they really help me as one of my problems having growing up without a dad around, is relating to other men.