Fluffer

So the other night I had a bad dream about drinking. Like a lot of dreams, parts of it were unrealistic or extreme, but it felt pretty real at the time. So apparently I had attended some boozy parents' social event related to my kids' school which took place in somebody's back yard adjacent to the school. When the dream begins I'm waking up from a blackout on some lawn furniture in the early morning light. Disheveled, bleary-eyed and still half-drunk, I'm looking for a tree to pee behind and then trying to find my car to get home. The first teachers and staff are arriving at the school and a couple seem to glance at me.

Then the anxiety level rises as I go though my typical post-blackout check-down. Wallet and keys - check. Teeth all there, no noticeable pains or bruises. So when did I lose it, near the end of the party when most people were already gone or early in front of everyone? Did I just sit down and pass out (embarrassing enough) or did I act like a crazy jackass? Who was there and whom might have I offended? Is it possible (ugh) that I was hitting on any of the moms? Who will be acting weird towards me in the future or simply avoid me from now on? How much trouble will I be in at home? Any texts, calls or emails from my phone last night?

So I wake up from the dream and have that classic "thank goodness, it was just a dream" moment. And then it occurs to me, even though this dream was a bit exaggerated (I never got blackout drunk in front of people related to work or my kids' social circles), the level of terror and anxiety in the dream was realistic and similar to what I've gone through dozens of times, and I'll never go though that again in my life, nor have I for several years now. Just the peace of mind knowing that I'll never go through those days of terror has been worth the price of admission for this sobriety thing! The rest of the benefits to health and well-being are just gravy!!!

If anything this dream was a blessing because it reminded me strongly of one really good reason I quit, but without my having to screw up to get the reminder.

Anyone else out there feel good about never having to go through the post-blackout worries and anxiety again in their life? Living with periodic alcoholic blackouts is a crap way to go through life. Never again, my friends!!!

rockyMTNrider

Unfortunately I just relapsed after having about 90 days worth of sobriety. While i was in that awesome period of being sober i would regularly have dreams that i got drunk and would wake up so thankful that it was just a dream. Do not take your sobriety for granted. I am starting over and it truly is a nightmare.

Fluffer

Sorry to hear that but I wish you best of luck in getting back on the horse. Hopefully soon you will be sober and grateful again.

Delilah1

You can get those days back, and more. I will have one year on January 1st , prior to that I spent three years alternating between periods of sobriety (90 days being the longest) and periods of failed attempts at moderation. Figure out what was missing from your plan, add that in and the days will start to add up again. You've got this.

rubythrill

I am only on my 77th day... but I can definitely say I have had several dreams (nightmares) about drinking.

I think you can definitely see them as blessings to instill those reminders. I think it says a lot that we see them as nightmares and not pleasurable dreams of romanticizing our addictions.

August252015

Definitely relate about the dreams! I have had a couple over these 10+ months sober that I can recall quit vividly (and they happened months ago!). So glad that's all they were- dreams.

Happy New Year all!

STDragon

Just woke up from one last night. I was trying to sneak booze without my wife seeing me and my teeth started to crumble in my mouth.

ChloeRose63

Oh, ya, the 'hiding booze dreams' are familiar! The 'crumble teeth dreams' are suppose to be from anxiety. I hate those dreams!
I think so horror movies are written by recovering alcoholics who get those really deranged nightmares!

Fluffer

I used to get that dream where my teeth were falling out quite often. I thought it was related to fear of mortality.