Hopeless, but it is not a bad thing
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 120
Hopeless, but it is not a bad thing
I am having a mental health crisis due to drinking and depression. The other day I was drunk and walked out of my house with slippers, shorts, and a tank top on. It was 10 degrees out and nighttime. I was hoping to freeze to death. I had to beg my husband not to hospitalize me.
I recently had to leave a high paying job because my hangovers and poor memory affected my performance and I was going to be fired.
The other day my niece cut me off completely because I was drunk and said something insulting. I am estranged from my mother and sister for other reasons not related to my drinking, but that relationship meant everything to me.
I am married to a wonderful, but naive man who has no idea how bad my drinking is as I am that good at hiding it. He loves me so much that my guilt eats me alive. He does not drink at all...ever.
I drink and drive regularly in my effort to hide my drinking. I know my days are numbered.
I do not sleep. It is horrible. I always feel like death until I drink again. It is a horrible cycle.
Today I feel hopeless. My health is failing and I know if I keep down this road I will die. I look like **** and am dehydrated and bloated. I am not in control of my life. I am not in control of this. I am very familiar with the 12 steps and am terrified. The last time I went to a meeting was years ago and was chastised for not believing in God. I am an Atheist. These woman told me I would not be successful unless I had God. I never went back. I do however believe I cannot do this myself and I need help. Finally feeling hopeless is driving me to go to a meeting today. I do not want to do this anymore and I am afraid I am going to hurt myself.
We are travelling for the holidays where there are beaches and sun for 7 days. I am planning on drying out and getting some exercise while I am there. When I get back, I need a plan of action. If I fail at staying sober on vacation, I will likely check myself into rehab when I get back.
I used to be so much more than this.
I recently had to leave a high paying job because my hangovers and poor memory affected my performance and I was going to be fired.
The other day my niece cut me off completely because I was drunk and said something insulting. I am estranged from my mother and sister for other reasons not related to my drinking, but that relationship meant everything to me.
I am married to a wonderful, but naive man who has no idea how bad my drinking is as I am that good at hiding it. He loves me so much that my guilt eats me alive. He does not drink at all...ever.
I drink and drive regularly in my effort to hide my drinking. I know my days are numbered.
I do not sleep. It is horrible. I always feel like death until I drink again. It is a horrible cycle.
Today I feel hopeless. My health is failing and I know if I keep down this road I will die. I look like **** and am dehydrated and bloated. I am not in control of my life. I am not in control of this. I am very familiar with the 12 steps and am terrified. The last time I went to a meeting was years ago and was chastised for not believing in God. I am an Atheist. These woman told me I would not be successful unless I had God. I never went back. I do however believe I cannot do this myself and I need help. Finally feeling hopeless is driving me to go to a meeting today. I do not want to do this anymore and I am afraid I am going to hurt myself.
We are travelling for the holidays where there are beaches and sun for 7 days. I am planning on drying out and getting some exercise while I am there. When I get back, I need a plan of action. If I fail at staying sober on vacation, I will likely check myself into rehab when I get back.
I used to be so much more than this.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR Ustacallmelola. There are a lot of folks here who understand and are ready to help. I'm glad you've reached out and hope you can do the same locally be it through a doctor/counselor/AA etc.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 60
I know how you feel.
It's helped me a lot reading other people's stories here. I also, like you, often feel hopeless.
I believe however there is hope. Other people have beaten this, and so can we!
I've yet to go a more than 24 hours without drinking, despite all the **** storm it is causing. but...we are not alone.
All I can do, all I can say is I know how you feel, but I am convinced that there is hope for us.
It's helped me a lot reading other people's stories here. I also, like you, often feel hopeless.
I believe however there is hope. Other people have beaten this, and so can we!
I've yet to go a more than 24 hours without drinking, despite all the **** storm it is causing. but...we are not alone.
All I can do, all I can say is I know how you feel, but I am convinced that there is hope for us.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
I was there... I took an overdose of trazadone and started walking away from my home... not really sure why... a desperate cry for help...
I'm four months sober... I never thought I could do it, but I did. If I can, you can.
I'm four months sober... I never thought I could do it, but I did. If I can, you can.
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