lillyknitting

I just needed to post this to remind myself what my Saturday mornings used to be like and how I can so easily have that life back if I desire:
Consciousness, brain not yet registering, oh hell; yes I did drink last night; oh hell; heart pounding in my chest; feeling utterly terrible; get up Lilly go to loo; stomach hurts; rummage for painkiller without anyone hearing me (paranoia) . It is still dark; it is probably about 6 am. Go back to bed. Please, please God let me sleep; let my brain stop whirring round & round like a washing machine. Thoughts of the previous evening trying to make sense of it all. Sleep. Wake up again an hour later. Rinse & repeat as above, only now....... Arrggghhhh horrors of horrors "where's my car? Where's my bag ( all expensive) where's my glasses? Where's what how????? I get out of bed furtively; in my mind thinking "did I drive the car home or did I leave it somewhere????" A quick look out of my front door spy hole like a demented mad person " phew! Yes , car is there" but I have no recollection of driving home. Never mind about that now, I tell myself, panic setting in, " my bag, my phone' MY CLOTHES" my eyes scurry round the room, yes, yes, there it is. Relief, thank you God. I then look inside: relief yes my phone, yes my glasses, I look in my purse. My brain roughly tells me I've spent 50/60? Who knows, who cares at this precise moment. Relief that I've got my belongings in tact I get back to the business of my hangover!!! I chuck water down my neck, glug, glug, glug, more painkillers, thinking: please God I cannot do this any more; how much can I take of this, please God help me. I'm a nervous wreck, I'm shaking inside, I go back to bed hoping husband has not felt me get in bed or out or in again!!!! I sleep for a quick half hour maybe an hour but I still wake again feeling bad. It's probably by now 9am. Do I dare risk another sleep. Hubby will know I'm hungover because I never lie in, I am by nature an early riser. 10 am now, still feeling shaky I get out of bed, wash, rinse, repeat. I spend all day feeling rough, terrible, just taking painkillers throughout until at last Saturday night I can go to bed.
Oh the joys of drinking. This is what I'm missing!!!
I don't have a life like this today. I don't go out Friday's any more because after years and years of this torture the penny finally dropped.
I love my life with all its ups and downs, and boy have we had some downs, but I think ; a drink can never, ever make it better. It can only lead back to the hell I know and suffered (self inflicted, typical of us alcoholics).
Happy, sober Saturday to my sober recovery friends and thank you for everything xxxxx

PhoenixJ

LilyK. Thankyou for your post. Where have I heard that story before?
Well done, you. PJ

lillyknitting

I did used to have loads of days like that but Saturday was always the hard core hangover day x

theVman31

Happy sober weekend to you too

steve-in-kville

Many a weekend started out with me hammerin' the bouron Friday night. Wake up Saturday morning early (I was always and early bird) and by 8am I was putting a shots in my coffee. I'd dust off what remained of the fifth Saturday morning before the liquor store opened.

Weekends are way different now. You know, like, I can remember them!

PhoenixJ

Thankyou.

Autumnlover19

Yes, I have had way too many mornings like that. And some I woke up and realized I had to go to work!

Thank you for your post. I have 67 days sober

least

I remember so well waking up each morning feeling like hell and hating myself. So glad those days are gone.

dreamsneverend

Yes the morning after horrors really are the cherry on the cake of living that way, aren't they! Can't believe everyone doesn't want to live like that:/

Bethany57

I love this post! I need to read it every Friday !

shortstop81

Thanks for this post, it reminds me of the MANY mornings I've had like that. I've heard the term 'Mental Horror Show' used, and that accurately describes how I'd feel after a night of drinking.

Glad to be sober, lounging around in pj's and enjoying my coffee this morning.

STDragon

Happy Sober Saturday.....

Ariesagain

Really compelling...I got goosebumps of horror just reading and reliving those mornings when the only thing to look forward to was when the day would be over.

Thank you.

graciepearl

Nothing like sober mornings !! Thank you for the reminder

August252015

Great post and much rings true for me too. I am at my Sat am Women's Matt in AA and on the way had the thought about the driver in front of me- I bet they are hungover driving to get breakfast! Maybe t was the slightly slow rxn time or the cigarette in hand out the window...but my thought was "dont think those eggs and greasy hash browns will taste as awesome as they could!" ��And, glad that's not me!

thomas11

Yep, sounds about right. Thanks for this post, a vivid reminder. Although my panic day was Sunday, on Saturday I'd just stay drunk.

Angie247

Thank you so much for posting this. I needed it today.

BrendaChenowyth

I remember the panic of waking up and knowing I did horrible things. Sigh. So glad that's not my life anymore and is never going to be again.

PhoenixJ

Hashbrowns- yep, bad memories there.

waynetheking

AWESOME post, thank you!
We darg ourselves thru the depths of hell before we realize what a waste of life alcoholism is to us. God help us stay sober and keep each other strong. We never want to go back there again.
Thanks again.