Privacy issues

Old 10-25-2016, 06:34 AM
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Privacy issues

Hi, I just really need to vent about something and this is the only forum that I feel comfortable doing so.

First of all, I should state that I am a very private person and I only share my personal "stuff" with a very select few people.

I had my first ever mammogram a couple of weeks ago. I didn't have any issues; it was simply because I am 41 years old and technically a year past the suggested age to get my first one. *My sister went with me for moral support.
Anyway, the doc called me a few days later and said that there was some "density" and that they would like to do another type of mammogram; one that is a bit more detailed and maybe an ultrasound. I asked what that means and she just said that they wanted to get some additional pics. I talked to my sister about it and she said that her friend had similar issues and it turned out to be no big deal. *The second mammogram is scheduled for next week.
Fast forward a few days, I have been busy with work and I hadn't really given it much thought... until yesterday.

Out of nowhere, I got a message on my Facebook from a cousin that I haven't seen or talked to for probably 4 years asking for me to "please get in touch with her ASAP". Then, another comes through from my aunt; also whom I haven't talked to for 3-4 years, asking that I "get in touch with my cousin RIGHT AWAY". When I finally talked to my cousin, she explained that my sister had spoken to my uncle about my mammogram and that he had told my aunt, who had then told my cousin (who has had breast cancer in the past) and she wanted to talk to me about her experiences.
WOAHHHH!!!! What the?!?!?! Today... I wake up to messages of "Praying for you" on Facebook.
Please don't get me wrong... I would greatly appreciate any support that I could receive from my family and loved ones in the event of a crisis. However, STOP jinxing me!! I wasn't really worried before but goodness, I am now!
I also now have to explain to my son; who is in the military and is currently 3000+ miles away and to my 15 year old daughter that hopefully nothing is wrong and they just want more pics of my boobs. Bahhhh!!!

Sorry for the rant.
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Old 10-25-2016, 07:01 AM
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Oh, I hear you on that. I never, ever share anything remotely private with my family. Only a few select friends and my wife know private details of my life. It's sad, but that's how it has to be. Sorry that you had this experience.
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Old 10-25-2016, 07:08 AM
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I understand how you feel. Actually, I am getting my first mammogram on Thu, since I am 40 and when I got an IUD some weeks ago, my dr suggested we do it when I come for that follow up appt. I am not worried about it, but I also haven't mentioned it to my mom; just my boyfriend since he's fully in the loop on my GYN visit for birth control.

And that is because....the lesson has been hammered into my head- I hope I am finally getting it!- that at some point my mom shares things I wish she wouldn't. Like telling my dad about my IUD- the phone call from him, expressing his huge concern over me getting pregnant in my first year of sobriety (or ever) was embarrassing to say the least. Part of my mom's issue is her worry- she catastrophizes everything, ie my current bout of strep means I won't be able to go to DC in two weeks and I will lose the plane money and what if I make my bf sick and..... Part of it is her guilt as an alcoholic, part of it is her inability to be appropriate or discreet. Part of it is whatever. As I am regaining my independence and getting back to a place where PROPER boundaries can be in place- we were completely enmeshed at most points during my darkness, those last few years, in all ways- I have to learn NOT to go to her/them with "things."

Hard lesson. I know they care. I know that I get upset when things are shared that I want to control the message of when/where/why/etc.

Two takeaways from your post: no one can "jinx" what your results will be (I have this thinking too so I am also trying to remind myself of that!) and this is a one step at a time situation. Go to the dr. Get the results. Handle accordingly. And it sounds like we both need to be judicious about what we share.

Not a fun "lesson" with your family, but now you have info for future reference.

Hang in there.
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Old 10-25-2016, 07:11 AM
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I think some folks like to latch on to whatever drama they can find in others lives. On one hand its good there tryingt o be supportive.

But i can relate i'm the same way. I recently had a family member nagging me about taking care of this problem and that problem in my life and i'll help you out etc.. and i'm liek geeze i'm fully capable of handling this on my own get the eff out of my **** but i just had to smile and nod and play along. was liek for whatever reason this makes this other family member feel better for some reason id unno.
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Old 10-25-2016, 08:01 AM
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Sorry to hear that Jens, some people just can't keep their mouths shut unfortunately. And in the ultra-connected world we live in now all it takes is one person to broadcast the information literally worldwide.

I personally decided a few years ago to cease any use of social media ( facebook, twitter, etc ). If people want to talk about me there that's fine, I just felt that it was mostly a waste of time.
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Old 10-25-2016, 09:11 AM
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Hi, Jens. Welcome. I had a similar mammogram situation. Yearly mammogram showed some density, so my phys wanted another one. Turned out okay. Nothing out of the ordinary. Hope your situation is the same. The kicker was that the second one wasn't covered byinsurance, even though it was doctor ordered because I hadn't yet met my deductible. Aaargghhh. Anyway, good luck. Hope all ends well.
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Old 10-25-2016, 09:22 AM
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I don't like facebook.
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Old 10-25-2016, 10:30 AM
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Yes I had them do the same thing to me. I also had an abnormal mammogram and only told a few family members, because I did not want a lot of drama, and wouldn't you know it, I started getting emails on Facebook too from relatives I hadn't talked to in forever! I thought they meant well, I guess, but also intrusive since I personally had not told these people anything.

When I stopped drinking I also stopped logging into Facebook all the time. When I was drunk it was a bit of an obsession and man I sure did make a fool of myself sometimes. I realized when I sobered up that Facebook can really be a big stressor and I have never once regretted taking it off my phone. I will still log in occasionally to check on close friends and family but I don't even read all the status updates anymore, it stresses me out.

By the way, I hope everything turns out ok.
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Old 10-25-2016, 10:36 AM
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Jens, chalk it up as a learning experience. Now you know how easy it is for things to get out of control. Good luck with your mammogram.
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Old 10-25-2016, 11:43 AM
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My wife had that happen to her with her mammogram. I was scared s#itless. Come to find out, the younger you are the more dense your breast tissue usually is. Also, they have no previous images to compare it to, so for the first ones, they almost always take 2. Of course we didn't find this out until after the second mammogram.
I'd be irritated if i were you too. I too, am a very private person. As for the nosy family member...hey, at least you know you're loved.
However annoying that can be at times.
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Old 10-25-2016, 12:08 PM
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Originally Posted by jojo82 View Post
I don't like facebook.
I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. My wife & I have a joint account to stay in touch with family and friends that live in other states. I rarely post much beyond photos of the family. Nothing that could turn into drama. Learned that lesson.
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