Go Back  SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information > Alcoholism Information > Alcoholism
Reload this Page >

3 days sober, new to the forums, sharing story...



Notices

3 days sober, new to the forums, sharing story...

Old 10-23-2016, 08:24 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 1
3 days sober, new to the forums, sharing story...

I'm new to these forums, although I've read through them multiple times before without registering. Thought I'd post on here to share in hopes that I can connect with you all in a way that solidifies my recent conviction to stop drinking. Perhaps my story will also help others who, like me, were simply Googling phrases like "do I drink too much?" and "the benefits of quitting alcohol" and stumbled on forums like this.

My story many not sound extreme to some, but itís one that Iím compelled to share. If you canít appreciate my story, then please move on.

I grew up as a home schooled country boy, so I lived a pretty protected and quiet upbringing. I was always intrigued by stories of alcohol and marijuana, perhaps because it was a taboo topic among my family.

As a freshman in college in 2007, I had my first alcoholic drink. It was 4 shots of Watermelon Burnettís poured by a friend in my dorm. I remember turning my head and spinning around after each shot to see at what point I would feel the effects. I was told it was a sure-fire test.

By Christmas break of my first semester in college I was habitually drinking Diesel, a 190 proof grain alcohol with a truck grill on the label. February of my 2nd semester was my first underage drinking arrest. Didnít really deter me though. My girlfriend was 21 and would buy me whatever I wanted. I still remember giving her a shopping list of fifths when she refused, telling me ďYouíre killing yourself.Ē Whoa, that was the first time I had even though about that. We broke up.

Summer of í09 was the summer my best friend started drinking too. We grew closer together because of it, and it became a thing that we just always did together. If it wasnít alcohol, it was marijuana. Usually both if possible. Also LSD, MDMA, mushrooms, and huge house parties. Even after some close calls with police stops, drinking tickets, arrests, one of my good friends dying in a drunk-driving accident, and my best friend hospitalized for alcohol poisoning, it never really deterred us from numbing our minds and bodies.

It was around this time that I began to notice a real change in how I approached life and living. I would have so much enjoyment of activities, and I would begin to save those activities only for when I got plastered. Little did I know that I was rewiring the reward system in my brain. I didnít want to do anything fun or enjoyable UNLESS I could get drunk and/or high before it. What started out as an experience enhancement became an experience requirement.

ďThis is going to be so much fun to watch tonight when we get silly.Ē ďLetís not go out unless we can drink first.Ē ďLetís save this game for when weíre messed up.Ē I believe that mentality, that way of thinking that I could only have fun or let myself have fun if I was intoxicated, helped heighten my issue with alcohol for the next 7 years.

Fast forward hundreds of drunken nights, I found myself in handcuffs sitting on the curb of a street in 2012. I was slowly coming out of a blackout but had no idea why I was being arrested or where I was. All I know is I was bleeding from thorn branches, I was missing a shoe and an earring, my shirt was torn up and I was missing my wallet and cell phone. Even though I wasnít living with them, my parents picked me up that night. The next morning, they asked if I had ever been drunk before, and I said, ďYeah, donít you remember? I got arrested for it as a freshman.Ē ďBut you told us you werenít drunk then.Ē Whoops, a liar needs a perfect memory I guess.

Again, the arrest only startled me. It didnít actually change anything. My employer was very generous on more than one occasion that I came in late or still hungover. It became a joke with my coworkers. Luckily I could always pull my own weight, but I was definitely known as the party guy. I continued to hide my drinking habits from my family.

At this point, I was drinking alone 95% of the time and getting more reckless with my driving habits. I started thinking 6 beers was still okay to drive on. Then 8. Then 10. On multiple occasions, I drove on 12 beers or more (drank in just a couple hours). Although not in blackout state at that point, I would have to close one eye while driving to prevent double vision. It is a true wonder I never got in a wreck since I couldnít even distinguish one car from two.

I mentioned drinking alone and then driving. What the hell was I doing on the road then??? TO GO BUY MORE ALCOHOL OF COURSE! No matter how many times I hid my keys, wrote notes on the door, or recorded messages on my phone before my drinking session telling myself not to drive, I would invariably undo it all and get in the car. I would even go as far as to make sure the stove was off and my dog had fresh water and food just in case I would get a DWI and spend time in jail. Such irrationality, recklessness, carelessness, insanity.

My best friend chose January 1 of this year as his first day of sobriety. I joined him. Fortunately for him, heís still going strong and has been sober for almost 10 months now. I, on the other hand, casually had a beer in late February which turned into a 6 pack the next day which turned into, ďOh well, I fell off, whatís the point now?Ē

Sometimes heíll tell me he feels like heís about to fall off the wagon. Then Iíll send him one of the many drunken videos Iíve recorded ranting to the camera about how the drunkenness isnít worth it, how I feel sick, how I just puked all my dinner up, how I just spent $170 on a porn webchat and donít even remember any of it, and how Iím going to feel like crap tomorrow. DONíT DRINK MAN!

I speak about all of this like itís in my past. Unfortunately Iím still dealing with this problem, and Iím only 3 days into my current span of sobriety. I feel good about it this time. I feel more strongly about quitting this time. I feel like I can do this. Thatís why Iím posting here. But I am concerned too, because I know how careless I can be when it comes to this sort of thing. I know I canít have even one beer because thatís what will send me back.

Iíve heard the phrase, ďScared to drink, scared not to drink.Ē I can relate. Iím scared when Iím staring at the ceiling at 4am, heart racing, sweating uncontrollably, blood pressure through the roof, feeling like Iím going to die. Iím also scared when I start feeling better and realize that Iím going to actually have to DEAL WITH LIFE rather than just numb myself up and float on through. Life is too short to be forgetting, to be inducing sickness, to be embarrassing myself and ruining friendships.

Thanks for reading, Iím sure this is way longer than it needed to be. If anyone is struggling, Iíll definitely lend an ear. Support is key!
SkywardTendency is offline  
Old 10-23-2016, 08:46 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
ScottFromWI's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR Skyward, and thanks for sharing. A lot of what you share is common, and you'll find a lot of folks here who understand. There is a better way, you can find lost of resources here to help you do just that
ScottFromWI is offline  
Old 10-23-2016, 08:56 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
SoberLifeForMe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 315
Welcome, ST. I read your whole story and found it a good reminder why I need this vicious cycle to end and never want to return to those days. I'm struggling as well, but heading into day 3, I'm also optimistic.

I look forward to seeing you around the SR forums.
SoberLifeForMe is offline  
Old 10-23-2016, 09:41 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 22
Thank you for sharing. I have an extremely similar story as you and I believe we are around the same age. I am now 19 months sober but it took a dwi and rehab to get me started. Hopefully you can stop on your own; I sure with I had. I had tried several times but the withdrawals like you describe always brought me right back within days. Good luck on your journey. It does get easier.
French123 is offline  
Old 10-23-2016, 10:28 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 205,712
Welcome to SR skywardtendency

This is a great supportive community - they helped me with my fear and walked alongside me every step of the way until I could do it myself

Glad to have you here
Dee74 is offline  
Old 10-24-2016, 03:03 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
IHaveFaith2016's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Freedom USA
Posts: 73
Thanks for sharing your story. I wish I had the same wisdom at your age, I let my story go on over a decade longer. You've come to a great place for support.
3 days is a great start, keep moving forward.
You can do this!
IHaveFaith2016 is offline  
Old 10-26-2016, 12:01 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
PurpleKnight's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum!!
PurpleKnight is offline  
Old 10-26-2016, 05:53 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
waynetheking's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: fort worth tx
Posts: 1,373
Welcome sky, I'm wayne.
waynetheking is offline  
Old 10-26-2016, 07:08 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Acheleus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,920
Welcome.

I lost control of myself and my life the longer I drank. When I quit I could see how much I lost due to alcohol. If you think you may be an alcoholic I hope you take it seriously. Alcoholism is deadly.
Acheleus is offline  
Old 10-30-2016, 04:17 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by SkywardTendency View Post
I'm new to these forums, although I've read through them multiple times before without registering. Thought I'd post on here to share in hopes that I can connect with you all in a way that solidifies my recent conviction to stop drinking. Perhaps my story will also help others who, like me, were simply Googling phrases like "do I drink too much?" and "the benefits of quitting alcohol" and stumbled on forums like this.

My story many not sound extreme to some, but itís one that Iím compelled to share. If you canít appreciate my story, then please move on.

I grew up as a home schooled country boy, so I lived a pretty protected and quiet upbringing. I was always intrigued by stories of alcohol and marijuana, perhaps because it was a taboo topic among my family.

As a freshman in college in 2007, I had my first alcoholic drink. It was 4 shots of Watermelon Burnettís poured by a friend in my dorm. I remember turning my head and spinning around after each shot to see at what point I would feel the effects. I was told it was a sure-fire test.

By Christmas break of my first semester in college I was habitually drinking Diesel, a 190 proof grain alcohol with a truck grill on the label. February of my 2nd semester was my first underage drinking arrest. Didnít really deter me though. My girlfriend was 21 and would buy me whatever I wanted. I still remember giving her a shopping list of fifths when she refused, telling me ďYouíre killing yourself.Ē Whoa, that was the first time I had even though about that. We broke up.

Summer of í09 was the summer my best friend started drinking too. We grew closer together because of it, and it became a thing that we just always did together. If it wasnít alcohol, it was marijuana. Usually both if possible. Also LSD, MDMA, mushrooms, and huge house parties. Even after some close calls with police stops, drinking tickets, arrests, one of my good friends dying in a drunk-driving accident, and my best friend hospitalized for alcohol poisoning, it never really deterred us from numbing our minds and bodies.

It was around this time that I began to notice a real change in how I approached life and living. I would have so much enjoyment of activities, and I would begin to save those activities only for when I got plastered. Little did I know that I was rewiring the reward system in my brain. I didnít want to do anything fun or enjoyable UNLESS I could get drunk and/or high before it. What started out as an experience enhancement became an experience requirement.

ďThis is going to be so much fun to watch tonight when we get silly.Ē ďLetís not go out unless we can drink first.Ē ďLetís save this game for when weíre messed up.Ē I believe that mentality, that way of thinking that I could only have fun or let myself have fun if I was intoxicated, helped heighten my issue with alcohol for the next 7 years.

Fast forward hundreds of drunken nights, I found myself in handcuffs sitting on the curb of a street in 2012. I was slowly coming out of a blackout but had no idea why I was being arrested or where I was. All I know is I was bleeding from thorn branches, I was missing a shoe and an earring, my shirt was torn up and I was missing my wallet and cell phone. Even though I wasnít living with them, my parents picked me up that night. The next morning, they asked if I had ever been drunk before, and I said, ďYeah, donít you remember? I got arrested for it as a freshman.Ē ďBut you told us you werenít drunk then.Ē Whoops, a liar needs a perfect memory I guess.

Again, the arrest only startled me. It didnít actually change anything. My employer was very generous on more than one occasion that I came in late or still hungover. It became a joke with my coworkers. Luckily I could always pull my own weight, but I was definitely known as the party guy. I continued to hide my drinking habits from my family.

At this point, I was drinking alone 95% of the time and getting more reckless with my driving habits. I started thinking 6 beers was still okay to drive on. Then 8. Then 10. On multiple occasions, I drove on 12 beers or more (drank in just a couple hours). Although not in blackout state at that point, I would have to close one eye while driving to prevent double vision. It is a true wonder I never got in a wreck since I couldnít even distinguish one car from two.

I mentioned drinking alone and then driving. What the hell was I doing on the road then??? TO GO BUY MORE ALCOHOL OF COURSE! No matter how many times I hid my keys, wrote notes on the door, or recorded messages on my phone before my drinking session telling myself not to drive, I would invariably undo it all and get in the car. I would even go as far as to make sure the stove was off and my dog had fresh water and food just in case I would get a DWI and spend time in jail. Such irrationality, recklessness, carelessness, insanity.

My best friend chose January 1 of this year as his first day of sobriety. I joined him. Fortunately for him, heís still going strong and has been sober for almost 10 months now. I, on the other hand, casually had a beer in late February which turned into a 6 pack the next day which turned into, ďOh well, I fell off, whatís the point now?Ē

Sometimes heíll tell me he feels like heís about to fall off the wagon. Then Iíll send him one of the many drunken videos Iíve recorded ranting to the camera about how the drunkenness isnít worth it, how I feel sick, how I just puked all my dinner up, how I just spent $170 on a porn webchat and donít even remember any of it, and how Iím going to feel like crap tomorrow. DONíT DRINK MAN!

I speak about all of this like itís in my past. Unfortunately Iím still dealing with this problem, and Iím only 3 days into my current span of sobriety. I feel good about it this time. I feel more strongly about quitting this time. I feel like I can do this. Thatís why Iím posting here. But I am concerned too, because I know how careless I can be when it comes to this sort of thing. I know I canít have even one beer because thatís what will send me back.

Iíve heard the phrase, ďScared to drink, scared not to drink.Ē I can relate. Iím scared when Iím staring at the ceiling at 4am, heart racing, sweating uncontrollably, blood pressure through the roof, feeling like Iím going to die. Iím also scared when I start feeling better and realize that Iím going to actually have to DEAL WITH LIFE rather than just numb myself up and float on through. Life is too short to be forgetting, to be inducing sickness, to be embarrassing myself and ruining friendships.

Thanks for reading, Iím sure this is way longer than it needed to be. If anyone is struggling, Iíll definitely lend an ear. Support is key!
We have a pretty similar story. I used to write myself notes when I was drunk about how I hated being drunk. I have way too many videos on my phone of me being drunk pleading with sober me to quit drinking. I'm currently at a week today and in a lot of ways feeling good but still scared about what damage I may have done to myself. Good luck man.
Jaydubs is offline  
Old 10-30-2016, 04:55 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
~sb
 
sugarbear1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,880
Thanks for bringing me back 5+ years ago!

Glad you're posting at SR!
sugarbear1 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:56 AM.