charx53

I had been on Antabuse since April 6, 2016. Tonight.. September 29, 2016 I have so far had three nips. I stopped taking Antabuse.. it has been a week or two..I cannot recall. But nothing bad has yet occurred so I suppose that is good. In the way of negative reactions, that is.

I wonder why I do the things I do. Maybe a relapse was necessary. There is a lot more to it, but it still feels wrong. **** happens.

REsoberALITY

Why don't you just put it down..... Pour the rest out!? **** does happen but you don't have to keep drinking. You CAN do it.

Dee74

Hi Charx

nothing good is going to come of you drinking any more.

Go back and read some of your old posts and kick that AV out of the drivers seat.

D

BullDog777

You do the things you do because you're sick. like all of us, you have a diseased mind. However, there is help, but you have to be willing to go to any length to get it.

Relapses never happen without premeditation...nobody has ever been struck drunk. You probably started formulating this when you stopped taking the antabuse.

Do yourself a favor and put the s#it down before it wrecks your life and health.

I don't mean to sound curt, but this road of destruction only ever has one outcome.

I'm glad I read your post. I'm almost 7 months sober, and have been neglecting therapy the past few weeks.I'm sure that was my mind slipping back to my old way of dealing with things. Time to go back.

I hope you find your way back soon.

Soberwolf

Relapse is never necessary that's your av trying to pull the wool over your eyes

Make a solid plan based on acceptance x

Gottalife

It was usually around the third drink that I realised I had started again, even though I had set out to not drink that day. Then there was no stopping me, complete loss of control, and I only stopped when I ran out of money, got too sick to continue, or got locked up.

I had a thing called (in AA) the phenomenon of craving, a sort of allergic reation to alcohol. Non alcoholics don't have that. The only way to avoid it is complete abstinence for life. There is no cure.

Like the others I suggest/strongly recommend that you stop now. No sense in risking all those negative consequences if you don't have to. How you get on following that very good advice will be very good information for the future.

entropy1964

Why is a relapse necessary?

Whodathunk

Charx, you still with us?

charx53

I suppose I don't really know. Perhaps to see that it isn't what I want. I didn't enjoy it nor did I hate it. I only had six nips total.

charx53

I am. I am alive. I am well. Confused and embarrassed. As only this forum knows about this small replapse. Hard to understand why I did it.

ScottFromWI

Thanks for checking in Charx. I would argue that we'll never understand "why" our addiction is the way it is or why we do then things we do when we start drinking. Simply accepting it for what it is and accepting that not drinking at all, ever is the only thing that set me free. Once you take the first drink all bets are off...so not taking it in the first place needs to be the focus.

Noma11

Chinese proverb - Fall down 7 get up 8!

I used to tell myself just one drink that's it, limit myself by getting just 1 beer. next thing im on it no matter what.

Dont beat yourself up about relapsing, your still breathing, sh*t happens, another chance to beat it. The constant battle to be sober - im sure your liver and health thanks you

Algorithm

You are probably correct in suspecting that there is something more to this, and someone else has already pointed out that you probably started seriously thinking about drinking again when you stopped taking the Antabuse. You had enough sense to wait until it was completely out of your system before drinking, after all.

Antabuse is an artificial barrier to drinking, much like residing in a place where alcohol is not available to consume. Possibly useful for a very short amount of time in the beginning, but ultimately unsuitable as a long-term solution for anyone determined to drink again.

I tried my share of artificial barriers, but they were just that -- artificial. If you seriously ask yourself why you felt the need for Antabuse in the first place, you may find the answer to why you drank again.

In the meantime, cut your losses before something bad does happen.

waynetheking

Hang in there charx53. Just keep trying. That period of 6 to 9 months is tuff on all of us. Just try again. Go longer this time. It gets easier with time. You will develop new habits to replace drinking. It's a miracle. Just give it some more time.

Gottalife

Quite amazing how you stopped after six nips. A very sane thing to do. How are you feeling now? Any cravings?

Zebra1275

As only this forum knows about this small replapse. Hard to understand why I did it.

Probably because you had 6 sober months, and figured you were cured.

"this time it will be different . . . "

It never is.

charx53

Thing is, I only bought six to limit myself. Tonight I bought ten. Have so far had eight tonight. Oh, what a regret. I shall sleep.

charx53

Unfortunately you are correct. However, the last time I cried I was drunk. I cannot seem to cry otherwise. I have not yet, either. Yesterday I did not but tonight may be different. The feeling of needing to cry and being unable to is horrible. But I suppose drinking in order to do so is not smart by any means. I haven't yet cried, but I want to. It doesn't make sense. I am sick. I really just want to die. It is an unfortunate thought and feeling. But it is the only thing I am currently sure about. Life...and all its woes.

Delilah1

Hi Charx,

Sounds like you are in dangerous ground. Your best bet is to pour out the other two and start over tomorrow, and not buy any alcohol.

You managed six months sober, which is great. Looking back to yesterday what happened that made you decide to buy alcohol?

You know you can do this, check in tomorrow and let us know how you are doing.

Carlotta

I would suggest that you get rid of the two nips you did not drink and that you sit down tomorrow and take a cold, honest look at the situation. What led you to your "relapse"? What will be your plan this time around?

Did you make a plan? What else aside from Antabuse were you doing in order to remain abstinent?

I am not a big fan of antabuse and while it might help out some people at the beginning, if nothing else changes then you will end up back to square one (drinking).

Nothing changes if nothing changes