steve-in-kville

As I read over many of the threads here, hear of folks who had victory in sobriety for days, weeks, months and even years.... and then relapse for whatever reason, I have to ask:

Can we ever be completely comfortable in sobriety? In other words, we no longer worry about triggers, cravings, etc? Some days I feel bulletproof, some days not as much.

Thoughts on this?

zjw

yeah I dunno. I saw a tv show recently an addict walks in the room after another addict had just OD'd he had a lot of clean time the one that walked in. and he said one of the first things that went through his head is is there anything left in that syringe?

I've even said that there is a part of me somewhere that is sick enough to throw it all away and tempt fate again jsut to go get **** drunk again and again. Its sick its insane but that part of me is there.

But if i dont entertain it. If i dont pick up another drink its not a big issue. If i want to make it one it certainly can be tho.

5+ years sober and theres still times i drive by the beer store take notice of the prices and think i could roll the dice again..... NAH but the thought does cross my mind and that concerns me.

But yeah do you hit a point where its like aa? aint been there for years. alcholic yeah i'm so beyond that aint thought about it one way or another for ions. Do you ever hit that point? I just dunno. maybe some do and and never come around boards like these or go to aa anylonger they are FULLY RECOVERED and no longer have any need for any of this.

I worry myself tho that i'd get complacent stupid and possibly pickup if I dont make staying sober important to me daily. Even tho its not that big of a deal to say no to it 99% of the time at this point.

ScottFromWI

I think we can be comfortable yes, complacent no. By that I mean I don't believe there will ever be a day when I can completely "forget" that I am an alcoholic and just live life as if it never happened.

I certainly have days now where I don't think about drinking, in fact most days I don't. I don't really have "cravings" or "triggers" anymore either where I feel the strong urge to drink, haven't really had those in years to be honest.

But I still do something every day to remind myself - it might be just reading a few posts here and writing a few, but it's something to remind me of where I came from and why i'm here.

zjw

yeah keeping somethings fresh in your head helps. to be honest the first 8 months of my sobriety are pretty blurry. I was in a bizzarre place mentally. But when i read here and such i'm reminded often of what that place was like and where I was and good god I dont wanna go back to that. and despite that there is still that sick part of me that is like meh you could recover again tho... Its insane it really is thankfully I realize this now.

steve-in-kville

Great replies. I'd say that 99% of the time it doesn't faze me. My favorite grocery store is beside the liquor store... its like its not even there.

That other 1%.... lets just say I always run down through the HALT sequence. And sometimes it helps to run some old tape. That usually squashes it.

I'd like to think that after 6-months that this will be a non-issue, but I have yet to experience that.

Anna

I agree that complacency is the enemy. And, it's not just about 'not drinking'. It's about living the best life I can each day. Some days are better than others, but I try to never sit back and watch the world go by.

Delilah1

I completely agree with Scott about being comfortable, but not complacent. Complacency has been my downfall in the past, I won't let that happen again.

JeffreyAK

Right, completely comfortable: Yes! Completely complacent: Not for me, not after nearly 6 years, and probably never. I've gotten to a point where I just keep a toe in recovery world, just to keep it fresh in my mind and because I enjoy it, and not because I'll drink if I don't. But years of total detachment? I don't know, but there are plenty of examples of people who became complacent and decided to drink again after many years of sobriety, sometimes with deadly consequences.

MIRecovery

I will never promise that I will never drink again. I will promise to do what I need on a daily basis to stay sober and I will continue these activities for the rest of my life.

The maintenance of my sobriety has become part of my life. It is what do and will continue to do. I don't see it as a burden. I read my readings and check SR, I pray, I meditate, I go to AA 3 times a week, I do fun things with sober people, and pray at night. There maybe a few other things but I don't do them consistently.

Bulletproof, pretty much but my sobriety will only last as long as I work an active program of recovery

Dee74

I've written about this before Steve.

Relapses happen, but they are not inevitable.

I don't believe that we're ambushed by them either...there's always the emotional equivalent of a 'paper trail' leading up to the event.

I really believe so long as I keep working on myself and my life I'll be ok - living a life I have no desire to escape from (or lose) is a great deterrent to drinking again

I believe I hold the deciding vote on whether I drink again or not. Noone else raises the glass to my lips.

I'm not living in fear of relapse

I do have a healthy respect for the relentlessness of my addiction just as I have the same respect for snarling dogs, dangerous currents and heavy traffic

Life is pretty sweet - why would I go backwards?
D

zjw

complacency is a funny thing. at one time i would have thoguth that argument was just BS to keep me hooked into going back to AA or coming here or what have you. Ya know dont leave the sober cult you might get complacent.

I dont feel that way at all anymore. I still have a hard time thinking i'd be so complacent that i'd be like meh what the heck i'll have a drink but then again I've seen myself do it with smoking or something before in the past so I know it is totally indeed possible for me to get complacent.

recovering again is a big fear of mine. Going through that all again is a big fear. Teh toher fear I have of taking JUST ONE DRINK i mean the old JUST HAVE ONE one fear i have with that is the obsession. I know it I just know it if i had JUST ONE i'd be obsessed with it and not in a healthy way. I HATED that feeling of "do i have enough smokes" "do i have enough beer" that all day long obessessing abotu drinking later or recovering fromt he night before. The way I obsessed over it was like a kid the night before christmas it was nuts!

I dont miss those things. and I guess i dont like keeping some it front and center in my life day in and day out but at the same time I dont wanna become complacent either because if i do that other stuff is pretty scary for me.

Gottalife

I had one big trigger, being conscious. I always drank, it was my default state, my reaction to whatever life sent my way good or bad.

I went to AA. I had reached a point where I was on my last legs. It is a fact for me that I have no revoveries left. I've used them all up. To drink is to die and I would rather die sober than go through the misery of an alcoholic death. I was ready to stop for good, and do anything else it took to make the misery stop.

This was my frame of mind when I tackled the 12 steps. I had the resulting spiritual experience, which brought about a profound change in my reaction to life. I have experienced most of the lows of life in sobriety, and many of the high points, and never has it occurred to me to drink. I just don't react that way any more.

This guy Ebby, in the Big Book, told Bill right up front:

" Particularly was it imperative to work with others as he had worked with me. Faith without works was dead, he said. And how appallingly true for the alcoholic! For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. If he did not work, he would surely drink again, and if he drank, he would surely die. Then faith would be dead indeed. With us it is just like that."

I have survived the low spots of life, it seems, because my new attitude makes it natural for me to live within this guideline, in a modest way. Failing to adhere to this principle seems to be very common among relapsers.

Having said that, tyring to force myself to adhere, applying rigorous self discipline to do stuff I didn't really want to do, would not have been sustainable for me. It really does come down to the spiritual experience and the resulting change of attitude. The new outlook makes what looks like a drag, into a pleasure.

esinger

A drink still sometimes sounds good to me even after almost four years. Too much to lose and absolutely nothing to gain by following through with it though. So I won't and I'm comfortable with that.
I don't fear the urge anymore. I just recognize it for what it is and get on with my life.

least

I don't live my life thinking of sobriety all the time, but am so comfortable in it that drinking just isn't a possibility. I am too content with my life now to go back to that hell.

Mattq2

I was sober for seven years once. I do think I got complacent. I wrongly believed that after seven years I must be "cured". I did not believe that once an alcoholic always an alcoholic . That seven years taught me you can be comfortable and happy with sobriety but never complacent. I sure hope I never get complacent again. It took me fourteen years to find the sober me again.

EndGameNYC

What I know is that I'm always completely comfortable in not drinking. I also have a healthy respect for the power of my addiction.

Boleo

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post6122843

RaiseAnchor

I don't have much to add, but I really like the way that you put this, Dee.

--

While I can't necessarily speak for other's respective situations, with my drinking, I had dabbled with quitting long enough that I knew the factors or triggers that would lead me up to it (and for a long time I chose to ignore them). I had to assess what situations that I needed to cut out of my life, or situations that I had to at least step away from for awhile. That was a very key move in my abstinence from alcohol. It also helped me develop healthier hobbies sooner, rather than later.

Hang in there, everyone.

Ken33xx

I'm quite comfortable in sobriety but I'm not complacent. I'm aware of the airport lounge as well as the bottles of booze in the supermarket but I just keep walking. I'm also careful when ordering a toxic water should I find myself in a bar with friends or coworkers.

Just once in the past 23 years did I pick up a drink by mistake but like in the BB I recoiled like it was a hot flame. Spit out the drink in a napkin

entropy1964

I think everyone is different. I am never recovered...so its a daily commitment to keeping my program strong. I look at it like I would look at any of my programs....for physical health, mental health and spiritual health. If I stop exercising, I get out of shape. If I stop eating right, I gain weight. If I stop connecting with and being aware of my higher power, I lose touch. If I stop doing the things that keep me sober (meetings, SR, counseling, step work, service) I drink.

Of course, I'm only 34 days sober, or the umteenth time. So what do I know?