zjw

“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions, Your actions become your habits, Your habits become your values, Your values become your destiny.” ~Mahatma Gandhi


Another good one

sleepie

Lately I have been really... brave or something. I wore a dress several times this week and walked around in public. I made myself go it alone. You all know I have huge social anxiety from being tormented and ridiculed about my looks all growing up by literally everyone. Thing is, a lot of people will be all "Oh you should just wear whatever you want as long as you feel good you look good"... yeah right, then they turn around and say something awful or judge another person. This is only encouraged by social media.

Anyway I walked out for coffee and tried my best not to care but I did feel like running home and hiding. I don't know if this is a victory of any kind. I put my hair up and even put on some make up. I had argyle socks with a brightly colored dress, it's just my personal thing... I even wore make up. I got some sideways looks but ignored it and I can't say I wasn't scared and uncomfortable. I also got a lot of approval from a few acquaintances later in the week when I dressed up again... which made me really uncomfortable because I feel no different inside than I did when I had pants, biker boots and a shaved head. I don't like the approval for shallow attributes. They kept saying how different I looked. It was very strange to me.

Maybe it's the artist in me, I feel I see a lot of things others just don't, and I sometimes sadly let the mainstream ideals and ugly opinions color my world and my personal vision is so much more fun for everyone, I swear...

aussieblue

I dress for comfort , I live is a small town so no one really dresses up here. Never have bothered with make up either, my husband hates it, lucky for me I don't have to make the effort and the money I have saved over the years not buying any. LOL.

Good on you for getting out there sleepie!

Delfin

I've always known you have a lot of good qualities, Sleeps. Glad you realized it too. :-)

I think the more you get out there and do things that are normally outside your usual, the more you'll be comfortable with it all.

D.

P.s. I live in dresses and heels. I'm such a girly girl.

sleepie

Thanks Delf! As for the other stuff... how on earth can you??? LOL I have to have a shoe suitable for walking or I don't feel right.... even in a dress I have only laced up boots but never a heel

zjw

being a women probably doesnt help matters.women are harder on each other for appearance type stuff then men top that woemn a womens built in desire to look good and its a double whammy.

how does your BF feel about your appearance? Sometimes we can be our own wort critc then others dont help matters but our partners might think we look just fine. My wife complains about her appearance fine with how she looks however but i guess that wont change how she feels tho.

getting out there is important for me its like if i'm going out to be around the living i'm ok so long as i do that sorta consistently. But as soon as i'm mr shutun for a while forget it i dont wanna leave the house and I have a hard time doing so. a simple run around the neighborhood becomes a chore.

as far as dressing nicer goes I dunno. since i slimmed down I thought ya know I could probably dress in some killer clothing and pull it off now but man i'd feel funny dressed like that its jut not me so jeans and a tshirt it is as usual stains holes? pff who cares.

sleepie

Hi zjw. He doesn't really seem to care one way or the other. It's really just all costume to me, I never got any particular thrill out of dressing up unless it was interesting or fun, I never dressed to get attention or project anything, just to feel good and basically be myself. I'm really uncomfortable with any kind of attention over my appearance. BF is tees and jeans every day but I hate it when he wears stains its gross. He's a goober sometimes and will wear like black socks and shorts but I find it funny and that's his personality so I like it ok. But yes feeling weird is a thing that happens if you're not used to it. I'm already weird so I don't need to feel it lol. When I was young I had a punk style and other women I came across who did as well but they were still very conformist. I'd be kind of "But we're punk chicks, fight the norm. Why are you trying so hard to be skinny/sexy, why are you obsessing over boys... Isn't being punk all about bot caring about any of that and being weird and not sorry about it?". Then I realized most people are phony and boring. So I went on my weird way.

zjw

yeah dress for me is more or less is this comfortable? yes ok i wear it. how it looks and such is meaningless. I will however not like walk out of the house in pajamas or someting id o have slight standards lol.

if i'm going somewhere signficant i'll try and wear a nicer shirt by nicer i mean no holes or stains that sorta thing lol. and I'll dress up if i have too and hate it every step of the way lol.

I hope to be buried in jeans or something one day. preferably no box just wrapped in a sheet under a tree in a field lol but they'd never allow that these days lol. Or just let the buzzards get me I dont care lol.

you sound like you just march to the beat of your own drum with dress and such.

some stuff i'm neurotic about after much trial and error i wear this weird shoe or soemthing yes sorry just how i am rarara.

sleepie

zjw there are funerals just like what you described and I know someone who's relative had one- a "green" burial and they were buried by a tree or something not a graveyard and headstone or such. As for buzzards I think I read awhile back that some buddhists will set their deceased on a mountainside somewhere for that was well, look up "sky burial".

I have always marched to my own beat, I guess in this way I have always lived "authentically". True to the nature of doing so, some are highly offended by this and would try and stop it. The few who actually get it are thank goodness quite good company.

zjw

I have a friend who is like this as well. he tends to roll his own way and people get sooo angry with him. I've watched it play out over the years. various jobs and so on and here is why i think others get so angry with him the ones that do anyhow.

IN his case they are trying to influence his course. they are trying to knock him off kilter or get him to try and march to the beat of there drum. Its almost always someone elses self serving agenda. Then they get so angry with him pick anything to tare him apart with and he did nothing he was just rolling along living his life. But there egos got crushed becasue they where unable to get him to bend etc... Life has been a struggle for him as well in this regard. People dont understand him people dont always get it etc.. He is also the creative artist type.

Its like people got very angry with him like they where not getting through to him why is he so stubborn why is he being so impossible when all he was ever doing was being himself. He was not being any of those things.

zjw

I like that green burial idea I wonder what kinda hoops i'd have to go through to get that. I always figured too if ever got a farm one day i'd wanna be burried on it.

Tho i also say at the end of the day if the cheapest solution is 1800 cremations cause they are running a special torch me and flush me down dont waste time on anything fancy i woudlnt mind.

Delfin

Nobody ever believes me when I say this but I swear there are comfortable high heels. Plus I grew up wearing them since the age of 12 so I'm just used to it (it's a cultural thing). Dresses are more of a lazy thing. You just pull them over your head and you're out the door. Thing is that even though I dress in a traditionally "feminine" way I don't think women necessarily should. People should just wear whatever they feel good in. Though I agree with you about the stained shirts. lol!

D.

Delfin

I really like this idea. I don't like the idea of being buried in a cemetery and can't bear the thought of being cremated (totally irrational thought, I know).

Delfin

Hawkeye13

That's how I am too sleepie, and I don't give a rat's behind for those
who don't like what I do or want to interfere.

I like tiedyes and Levi's, bright colors, Indian print tops, and often wear them to work.

Resistance from others was futile.
I have done this for nearly two decades now and the nay-sayers have given up, left the building, or died.

I may not be standardly "fashionable" but I'm being myself and
have endured where many give up and conform.
That's a victory in my book.

I like the argyle socks / dress idea. Bet you look great
Who cares if BF notices--do it for you

SoberCAH

When I ain't at the office, I'm wearing a wife-beater, a NASCAR T-shirt or a sweatshirt.

I wear cowboy boots (dress boots) to work every day, even when I'm going to court.

I can't remember the last time I wore a pair of wing-tips or loafers to work.

sleepie

Women are more criticized for not conforming. I was always in a... "beater" in the summers and boots for years... I still wear combat boots. I was bullied out of a very boys club kind of place, an extremely toxic and misogynist work place years ago where my look was resented. I also spoke up against the office bully. Everyone but one woman was afraid to go with me. Nobody wanted to make waves. I was later told I was the best at my job but 'ol boys club just didn't like me. People are so scared of a real person with something valid to say, if the are female.

I love Indian print tops Hawk.

I have never considered being pretty or conforming to standard codes of female "beauty" a victory. It's just a thing, of the many things that one can be- no more no less than any other.I really am a different kind of person though. I am trying to appreciate that but it's like zjw was saying, people just get themselves twisted about this. Now a kindred soul might be in a dress or heels, but I have never met this IRL. I just feel it's more authentic not to bend who I am . It feels right. It's all costume. It's what's in a person's mind and heart that I find interesting, I am not interested in exteriors. I just feel women should be able to be themselves and not have to worry about such things, or be ridiculed or socially punished or worse for not "looking right". The day women are free to really be themselves is the day the world would change.

But then back to this sobriety trip. I have been so tired lately. Lost 3 or 4 pounds this last week or so. I think depression has hit a new level. I am just hoping for the numb stage to come back. Last time I took depression medicines I blew up to obesity, and if I take any of them without a benzo- my tic disorder is exacerbated. So no, I don't take them. My body is still paying for the obesity even though I finally lost the weight... and since I was veering into prediabetes I'd be sacrificing my physical health again.

sleepie

This really got me thinking. This is all part of living authentically and closely tied with sobriety. I've been robbed or punished for daring to be my "self" since I was a child, first for years and years because of abusive parents and a personality disordered mother that caused immeasurable damage- that alone would be a feat to clear the debris and destruction and find what is underneath. Then to be a non conformist female- more punishment- then to overcome addiction from 2 substances... I have to wonder will it lead to anything or am I just too worn out to care anymore.

I am still trying to figure out what to do about adult bullies. Like I said before, I deserve to live well too and more than enough of my life has been compromised because of these types. I won't budge on living authentically and that means no games to appease these types.

ScottFromWI

I think you actually answered your own question - live your life authentically as you would like to. Most bullies are mainly just after attention, so if you don't give it to them they will most likely just move on.

If someone is violating your rights physically or in the workplace ( or anywhere really ) by all means report them to the proper authorities.

sleepie

So people, any ideas on a good show to lift spirits? I'm tired of the all the violence on tv and film. I've seen a lot of things since I love films. I do love a good comedy like anyone but also thoughtful things.

Dee74

'The Durrells' is a gentle show. British family moves to Corfu in the 30s.