Hi! Trying something different.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 68
Hi! Trying something different.
Hello everyone,
I know you all don't know me, but I already feel like I'm getting to know some of you. I've been hanging out and reading this forum for a couple of months, and I've finally decided that this seems like a place I might feel comfortable with joining and opening up a little bit.
I think here, my story won't be particularly new, but I think it's good (however hard it may be) for me to get it out, even just a little bit. I've been drinking more or less for the last 20 years, give or take. In college, I found that it was both beneficial for making new friends and dealing with the ups and downs of my love life, school, and a kind of nagging loneliness that's always been there for me. Growing up would have probably cured that just fine in time. Unfortunately that ship sailed long ago and now I'll never really know.
I am lucky enough (and reading here is a great reminder) that I haven't totally ruined my life yet. I haven't lost my job, though I've done some really stupid things. I have never drank before going to work or at work, and I've always been careful to leave myself a good 10 hours before "reporting for duty" the next day. And, I am a technically minded person in a technical job, so luckily, my judgement has never been impaired as to my actual job.
Having said that, unfortunately, alcohol has painted a dark shadow over just about every other part of my life at this point, and though I haven't technically screwed up my job yet, socially it isn't doing me any favors there either. 1's and 0's may be easy to navigate no matter my frame of mind, but even clear headed, people have never been.
In any case, it doesn't matter. Either way, I want to be done with alcohol permanently. I've seen what it does to other family members, and though I have managed to keep it together thus far, I know I could easily be one drink away from throwing the last few bits of an ok life away. Plus, when I get fed up with it all and walk away (maybe in a nice little camper in the mountains) I want it to be on my terms and my timeline.
So, at this point I've got a little over a week sober. Like I said, I've been a pretty steady drinker for about 20 years (18??) It used to be about 6 IPA's a night with a shot here and there. They started hurting my stomach (who knew guzzling that much wheat, gluten, sugar, and EtOH could be irritating after so long) and it was a pretty easy switch to hard liquor. And then it's easy for those numbers to creep up too.
I did manage to quit for about 6 months a while back (3 years ago??) and stupidly, I fell into the trap of "I'm cured, so I can have a beer or two with some friends" type thinking. Because of that, I also thought it shouldn't be too hard to do it next time. I'm sure most of you know how wrong I was on both counts. It took about a month, and I was right back where I started.
So recently, I tried to ease back. I know it wasn't any sort of real commitment, but I was starting to taper off some - drinking every other day, then every third day, etc. I think that actually made it worse! I had to deal with both withdrawal and hangovers! And my tolerance would drop a little, but my drinking didn't. Sadly, that wasn't the worst. Fights with my SO (maybe more on that in a different post) only intensified, and I knew, I am ready for this to be over.
Like I mentioned, I've been a steady reader here for a couple of months. I am an intensely private person, plus coupled with a bit of a personal difference in philosophy with AA (no offense, I know how much it helps some people!), I am really hoping that SR can serve as a bit of support for me. It's a big deal to me, as this is probably the 4th or 5th thing I've ever posted on the Internet anywhere, so even this feels like putting myself out there. So, if this isn't enough, maybe it will be a good step towards doing more outside of my own head later on.
I have seen some of the recovery tools. I have started reading through alot of that. I have a journal that I'm starting, and I signed up for SR.
I feel like early on I'll be taking more out of the pot than I'll be putting in, but hopefully in time I can flip that around like I've seen a great many of you do.
Sorry for the long post! I just wanted to get started somehow. Thanks for listening.
EH
I know you all don't know me, but I already feel like I'm getting to know some of you. I've been hanging out and reading this forum for a couple of months, and I've finally decided that this seems like a place I might feel comfortable with joining and opening up a little bit.
I think here, my story won't be particularly new, but I think it's good (however hard it may be) for me to get it out, even just a little bit. I've been drinking more or less for the last 20 years, give or take. In college, I found that it was both beneficial for making new friends and dealing with the ups and downs of my love life, school, and a kind of nagging loneliness that's always been there for me. Growing up would have probably cured that just fine in time. Unfortunately that ship sailed long ago and now I'll never really know.
I am lucky enough (and reading here is a great reminder) that I haven't totally ruined my life yet. I haven't lost my job, though I've done some really stupid things. I have never drank before going to work or at work, and I've always been careful to leave myself a good 10 hours before "reporting for duty" the next day. And, I am a technically minded person in a technical job, so luckily, my judgement has never been impaired as to my actual job.
Having said that, unfortunately, alcohol has painted a dark shadow over just about every other part of my life at this point, and though I haven't technically screwed up my job yet, socially it isn't doing me any favors there either. 1's and 0's may be easy to navigate no matter my frame of mind, but even clear headed, people have never been.
In any case, it doesn't matter. Either way, I want to be done with alcohol permanently. I've seen what it does to other family members, and though I have managed to keep it together thus far, I know I could easily be one drink away from throwing the last few bits of an ok life away. Plus, when I get fed up with it all and walk away (maybe in a nice little camper in the mountains) I want it to be on my terms and my timeline.
So, at this point I've got a little over a week sober. Like I said, I've been a pretty steady drinker for about 20 years (18??) It used to be about 6 IPA's a night with a shot here and there. They started hurting my stomach (who knew guzzling that much wheat, gluten, sugar, and EtOH could be irritating after so long) and it was a pretty easy switch to hard liquor. And then it's easy for those numbers to creep up too.
I did manage to quit for about 6 months a while back (3 years ago??) and stupidly, I fell into the trap of "I'm cured, so I can have a beer or two with some friends" type thinking. Because of that, I also thought it shouldn't be too hard to do it next time. I'm sure most of you know how wrong I was on both counts. It took about a month, and I was right back where I started.
So recently, I tried to ease back. I know it wasn't any sort of real commitment, but I was starting to taper off some - drinking every other day, then every third day, etc. I think that actually made it worse! I had to deal with both withdrawal and hangovers! And my tolerance would drop a little, but my drinking didn't. Sadly, that wasn't the worst. Fights with my SO (maybe more on that in a different post) only intensified, and I knew, I am ready for this to be over.
Like I mentioned, I've been a steady reader here for a couple of months. I am an intensely private person, plus coupled with a bit of a personal difference in philosophy with AA (no offense, I know how much it helps some people!), I am really hoping that SR can serve as a bit of support for me. It's a big deal to me, as this is probably the 4th or 5th thing I've ever posted on the Internet anywhere, so even this feels like putting myself out there. So, if this isn't enough, maybe it will be a good step towards doing more outside of my own head later on.
I have seen some of the recovery tools. I have started reading through alot of that. I have a journal that I'm starting, and I signed up for SR.
I feel like early on I'll be taking more out of the pot than I'll be putting in, but hopefully in time I can flip that around like I've seen a great many of you do.
Sorry for the long post! I just wanted to get started somehow. Thanks for listening.
EH
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: glasgow scotland
Posts: 1,004
You can start by staying away from the first drink as its once we get the taste of it we are off and running , also try and keep it in the day do not project into the future . You should have a plan also there are many threads offering encouragement to newcomers , why not join in to the September thread , wish you well and welcome , and meant to say that there are other meetings other than AA.
Stevie recovered 12 03 2006
Stevie recovered 12 03 2006
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: fort worth tx
Posts: 1,373
Welcome EH. We're here for ya. As you know, alcoholism only gets worse. I'm glad you decided to take action now. It will get better. Just get a plan and stick to it. Stay busy, take it one day at a time, don't drink. It's that simple.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Welcome EH. Great initial post. And it's good to see you still have a few yets left. "I haven't ruined my life- yet" "Lost a job - yet" Hopefully you can see the writing on the wall.
Try to keep an open mind on recovery options. Remember this is a terminal illness. It doesn't make sense to rule anything out.
Try to keep an open mind on recovery options. Remember this is a terminal illness. It doesn't make sense to rule anything out.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 7
Im also new here its a great site. Keep in mind you will never be able to drink like those who don't have a drinking problem. No matter how great life gets you just cant do it. I recently made this mistake and I hope i still have a fiance when her plane lands today.
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
Welcome EH. If you've been reading you already know that this is a great site with great and caring people. I've relied on this site heavily and just passed one year sober. Like you, there were a lot of yets that I avoided by the grace of God. I had a few more years drinking under my belt, around 40, so I know you can do this.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Boston Ma
Posts: 980
EH, You have the resolve I've seen in many people on this site. I think that's because the plan is simple and reaffirming and feeling good is infectious. 7 weeks yesterday, and like you, after 20+years
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi EventHorizon - welcome 
I'm sure a lot of us will relate to your story - I certainly do...I drank for about 20 years as well and ended up an all day every day drinker. It was hard to turn that around but I did it - with the help of this community
I'm glad you found us
D
I'm sure a lot of us will relate to your story - I certainly do...I drank for about 20 years as well and ended up an all day every day drinker. It was hard to turn that around but I did it - with the help of this community
I'm glad you found us
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 68
Thank you all for the warm welcome. It was hard to get up the resolve to join, but I'm glad I finally did.
Gottalife, while I am glad I do still have a few yets left in me, there are so many I wish I had back. But the fact that I have any left at all gives me something to really hold onto, something left to protect.
Thanks so much, and I'm going to be working on this very hard in the coming weeks. Hopefully, no one gets irritated with all the posting I hope to do!
Gottalife, while I am glad I do still have a few yets left in me, there are so many I wish I had back. But the fact that I have any left at all gives me something to really hold onto, something left to protect.
Thanks so much, and I'm going to be working on this very hard in the coming weeks. Hopefully, no one gets irritated with all the posting I hope to do!
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