Dahalk

i have slipped up a few times over the past few months and drank when i should not have and then lied saying that i did not. My wife is not stupid and knows when i am lying.

We are on the brink of divorce now and talking about trial separations.... one question she had that i could never come up with a good answer for.... why do i drink?

She thinks that i do it because i am trying to cover something up that i am unhappy about or am not getting from her and my kids. I just don't know. Whenever i look at all aspects of my life... i feel like i have a good happy life and no reason to be unhappy. I don't want my wife to think that i did it because of any shortcomings in our family.. soo not the case.

Just started taking ADD meds about a month ago because i finally admitted to myself that i am extremely ADD and can definitely see its effects in everyday life(was on Ritalin as a kid). I am not trying to blame that, but i read that untreated adults with ADD are 50% more likely to become substance abusers. Has anybody else had experience with this and found any truth to it? I am just wondering if there is something different in our brains that makes us drink just to drink.

Maybe not to cover something up... but maybe because of the emotional impacts of alcohol? I have never been a person that shows much emotion.. happiness or sadness. I have noticed that whenever i would secretly drink... it was always while i was doing something that I enjoyed (programming, gaming, tv... stuff that is relaxing). Maybe i am addicted to how alcohol enhances emotions. I can not think of a single time where i thought to myself... "i am ticked off.. im gunna go have a drink". Alcohol and being depressed are 2 things that i don't even associate with each other (for me at least). My depression go-to is for me to not eat because i am stressed out.

Anybody else have similar experiences?

ScottFromWI

I think every alcoholic has tried to find out "why" we drink. And in the end the only answer that will help you recover is "because I'm an alcoholic". It's simply not known why some of us are addicts and some are not. I tried for years to find out why, mostly so I could "fix" it and drink normally again. But of course it never worked and I always returned to daily binge drinking, hiding and lying.

It's also just as impossible to explain to others why we drink. Which is why the best solution is accept it and not drink. Sober living itself can help rebuild trust.

doggonecarl

That may be the question she's asking, but the answer she probably wants is to: "Why can't you quit?"

KAD

Yeah, I've been asked that by more than a couple people. It's a common question from non-addicts and the only answer I can muster is, "Because I'm addicted to alcohol." That answer still doesn't really satisfy them, but I've found they really won't understand anyway because they believe we should just be able to quit. The first thing that attracted me to AA was that I didn't have to explain the "whys" because they already knew. That was the easy part.

I've also found it's quite common, particularly among children of alcoholics, to question whether or not they caused or contributed to our addictions. And then, in turn, we even start to examine whether or not they did. Why not find some way to blame it on someone or something else, especially if they offered the idea? But as you have noted, you can't really point to any outside causes or justifications for your drinking. That's because it's coming from the inside. It is likely you are addicted and drink because you like the effects of alcohol.

I'm certainly no medical expert and not qualified to comment on this one way or the other. I know that I also have problems in this area, but I don't know if ADD is linked to addictions, or if it's the other way around.

Dahalk

Yea. Actions speak louder than words. I have given my word 1 too many times now and just hope i am given the opportunity again to show my action over time.... like i say every time now

zjw

I got a ZILLION excuses to drink. but why do i drink? becuase i'm an alcoholic.

I know it seems liek the answer I drink because i'm an alcoholic lacks substance like there must be some reason or reasons. I cant figure it out and got tired of trying to and just accepted the fact that i drink because i'm alacholic.

I think i was trying to answer that question myself tho because I didnt want to admit that i was an alcoholic I didnt want to accept that. I wanted to find the reason and possibly fix it so that i could keep drinking as if that makes any sense.

Fly N Buy

I drank because I liked to "feel" anyway other than how I did. To belong, to be separate, to celebrate or to mourn.....cry or argue - either one.

I find this paragraph from the big book of AA to be true in my experience;


Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which they see others...

Hope you will continue to seek help. Our alcoholic lives can indeed be different, better - more in the middle........

tshan83

I would argue that not everyone with an alcohol use disorder is physically dependent on alcohol.
I'm not. I didn't drink every day. I'm a binger who would sometimes go a month without drinking. Other times I would drink 3-4 times a week.

But when I start, I get hooked in and can't stop. My dad once told me: "The person takes a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes the person." It means a lot to me now.
I drink to actually FEEL something. I'm a robot. I have major depressive disorder and my heart often feels empty. But then I drink and start to feel warm and fuzzy...so then I think, "ok, I'll drink MORE and feel even BETTER!" Then I get euphoric and start telling people I love them, get on a soap box and preach about all my beliefs and passions, apologize profusely to people about things, blurt out all my secrets, and end up stumbling around until I pass out or make a huge fool of myself. Or sometimes it goes 180 degrees and I end up getting aggressive or mean.
Both my parents are also alcoholics, my dad has been in recovery for 25 years.
I also have chronic pain, and when I'm drunk it just goes away. Until I'm hungover the next day and it comes back tenfold.

Sorry for the super long answer!

SoberCAH

I think that I drank because I am an alcoholic.

When I started drinking, I felt very badly about myself (not as good or important as other people).

But drinking fixed all that, at least when I was under the influence, for a while.

When it quit working, I couldn't stop drinking.

I could trace why I had such low self-esteem when I started drinking, but that is a story for another day.

Glad you're here.

It sounds like you need to be.

MIRecovery

At 7 years sober I know I drank because I didn't like who I was. I worked the 12 steps of AA and discovered who I was and have been working very hard to become the person I want to be. The side benefit is I stayed sober

Forward12

Alcoholism is common for people that also have mental health issues, but it's even more common to try and make up excuses as to why we're drinking. Often times we try and blame everything else except for the real problem, which is that we are alcoholics.

advbike

Lot of answers about just being alcoholic, whatever that is, but I know in my case I grew up being insecure, anxious and terrified of women. I won't go into the childhood, but it was chaotic, my dad wasn't around, and there was a family tragedy. As a kid, I took responsibility for it all.

I found early on that alcohol gave me confidence in social situations, and with girls. It relieved my anxiety and frustration, allowing me to be a functional (more or less) member of society, and have a successful career. So for me it was a form of self medicating, and I mostly controlled it.

We're all different, but many drink for reasons similar to what I described. Read Gabor Mate's book on addiction if you want to know more. It fills a void and provides comfort. The good news is there are other ways to accomplish that. You can quit, but you need to dive into it, and get support.

Gottalife

I drank for a single reason, I am an alcoholic.
I had a single trigger, being consious.

I have met people who drink in an alcoholic way because they are using alcohol in place of therapy or medication for some other condition. Self medicating if you like.

A lot of the time, the need to drink is removed when the condition receives appropriate treatment. It then becomes a question of how to tell the difference.

Alcoholics of my type have a physical allergy to alcohol which manifests in the phenomenon of craving. This craving kicks in only after alcohol is in our system, and means that once we start drinking we cannot guarantee our behaviour, how much we will drink or when we will be able to stop. This never occurs in other types of drinkers, so it is a pretty reliable sign.

shortstop81

I can identify with what you're saying, Dahalk. I feel that I drank to enhance emotions that I simply couldn't feel when I was sober. And I too would often drink while doing something I liked, or to make some boring chore more 'enjoyable'. But inevitably I'd lose control and what started as a pleasurable activity turned into a disaster.

Yes, I drank because I'm an alcoholic. It's not about excuses or external blame. But identifying my patterns and triggers is useful for me to avoid slipping back.

MelindaFlowers

I had no reason to drink. I had a happy childhood. Got good grades in school. Had happy dating and later a happy marriage to a good, honest person. I am close with my parents who are also good, honest people. I've never been a "bad girl." I'm 34 and I've never had a speeding ticket. I have no criminal history. Ive never been to the hospital. Good luck there too. I don't even have a rebellious attitude. I'm a ruler follower. I'm not a "thrill seeker" either.

And yet I developed a severe problem with alcoholism. I'm an alcoholic. I've been sober just over two years.

That said, I'll answer these as honestly as I can.

Why was I drawn to alcohol in the first place?

I liked the way it made me feel. One drink in and a warm, floating feeling immediately replaced the day's stress and worries. It was euphoric. I liked it. A lot. If it was a great day then it took my happy feeling from a nine to an eleven.

How did it get so bad?

Well, I believe normal drinkers like a buzz. Why else would people drink? I liked it more than most so I became a daily drinker. It was a very slow and steady incline for me. I'd say in year one I drank 3-4 drinks a night. I'd also guess that I added about one drink a night per year on average. I drank every night of the year. Even when I had a bad cold, I'd drink. I was developing a tolerance so what three to four drinks used to do for me now took five or six. Five or six didn't seem that bad so seven or eight didn't seem that terrible a few years after that. I drank about 10 years from my first to my last. In the first year I drank about 3-4 drinks a night. In the last year I drank about 12+. The amount doesn't matter. I'm just illustrating the slow progression. When it took that much alcohol to put myself to sleep at night I knew I couldn't go any further.

What were my triggers?

5 pm, walking in the door after work, evenings on days that end in y. I could honestly say I had no triggers just as much as everything was a trigger. Both are true.

I've been sober two years.

Loekken

Currently looking for reasons not to drink. People tell me I should find God but he doesn't live in my neighborhood.

NYCDoglvr

I drank alcoholically because I'm an alcoholic. No one ever sat on top of me and poured booze down my throat or pointed a gun at me. I got drunk because once I picked up a drink I couldn't stop, like other people.

cairn

The alcoholic drinks to overcome a powerful mental obsession beyond his ability to control.

There is always one more attempt to control and enjoy as he once did, and one more failure. This leads in time to disaster, chaos, ruin and despair.

Others drink because they like the effect, or they have 'issues' or something...

Loekken

I would say my alcoholism was carefully and gradually building up since adolescence. I began binge drinking occasionally around the age of 14. 16-17 was usually weekends, 18 started going out on town, etc (legal drinking age in bars in my country is 18 yrs.). But I really wasn't different from the average kid on the block because almost all of my friends were doing the same, more or less. Denmark literally used to be a country of drunk kids, I think we even used to have the official world record. So I was brought up with the bottle as a teenager, to an extent. It was the social norm and you would be a nerdy outsider not to dig in. And I always wanted to fit in at that age.

I would say my real problem drinking came later on, and drinking when it was no longer a fun experience only too. Around 23-24 it started to increase with real heavy binging/ black outs and various drunk stunts. I am 34 and would call myself a problem drinker of the past decade, with all it's dramatic circumstances and consequences mixing in.

So why do I drink. In the beginning because it's what we did, and it was centered around having 'fun'. Later, because I became a friggin addict. Building up, slowly and steadily... I had no idea it would lead to this.

Dee74

drinking made me into someone I despised. I couldn't look myself in eyes in the mirror anymore.

I'd hurt everyone close to me and driven them away - some for good.

I hated my life almost as much as I hated myself - and although I didn't want to die, I didn't care if I did.

Them's some pretty good secular reasons to quit.

If you're not there yet, you will be if you keep drinking...

D