Doubter

im not a very talkative person, quite shy and socially anxious. whenever ive been to AA meetings ive never spoken. i see people who have been going there for years and are now sober but one thing i noticed was they were repeating their life story everytime they spoke.

this puts me off. i don't like speaking much in front of people.

Coldfusion

There is a lot of repetition in AA. Simply put, we need these concepts pounded into our brains because our addiction tells us otherwise.

stevieg46

If its constant how I got drunk stories , it will eventually bore you to tears , go to different meetings Big Book study or 12 Step Discussion meetings where one shares a step each week from 1 to 12 then back to 1 , that's more interesting finding out how to recover from alcoholism, we all know how to booze or use .

Regards Stevie recovered 12 03 2006 .

Soberpotamus

There's no requirement to speak. I'd suggest listening if that's what's helping you. And when you're ready to speak, do so. I attended many AA meetings and never spoke. I was totally ok with that. If anyone pressures you, that's on them, not you.

I suffered greatly from social anxiety in my 20s. It's lessened with age. I feel much more comfortable in my skin these days. I'm sober over three years and in my late 30s.

I learned to be ok with discomfort until I sort of grew into myself, if that makes sense. Staying sober improved my self-esteem, and I've watched my social anxiety diminish.

ScottFromWI

Getting a sponsor and working the steps is the real focus of AA. It's fine if you don't want to speak at meetings now, you will most likely gain confidence and do so in the future.

Having said that, regardless of what method of recovery you choose, you will need to do some things you don't want to do. And you will feel uncomfortable at times. You are making major changes to your life so it's inevitable that we feel apprehension.

You may want to also consider seeing someone about your anxiety. It is a very treatable condition and outside assistance can really help if you can't deal with it on your own.

chrcarlson

Go to speaker meetings. You will not have to talk.

I had to work on speaking in front of people, still do to some extent. It seems to happen from time to time in life. I use to be terrified but have gotten much better. I recommend trying a little at a time when you feel up to it. Maybe wait for a meeting with few people.

teatreeoil007

Chances are you will never overcome your social anxiety if to do not face your fears. And face them SOBER...

tomsteve

welp, id rather be at an aa meeting repeating my life story and be sober
than be doing it at a bar all drunked up.

im sure its not everyone that's doing that. yup, some people do, but not everyone.

how bout them steps?
and the big book? been reading that?

entropy1964

Well, ya. There are those 'old timers' that say the same thing every time....and its usually long winded. I kind of giggle cause I can see the 'oh no here we go' faces and people pushing back in their seats. Fortunately there are usually just a couple of those. And meetings are also for newcomers (not exclusively of course) so there is a lot of repetition. I think the idea is get out of the observational, listening, newcomer mode and into the action, helping others mode. That's kind of where the magic happens. I don't share much in the meetings either. Actually, pretty much never. I'm a one on one kinda person.

Try different meetings. But just cause you don't like speaking (which I get) doesn't mean others don't love hearing themselves talk

advbike

Even though I have almost three years, I'm kind of starting back in AA, and I also have some social anxiety.. so I understand. I do share sometimes and worry if I've made sense, been succinct, etc. Constant self critiquing, lol.

What I've found is it gets easier. Especially if they call on you, lol. I rarely tell "my story" though, preferring to make a point based on my own personal experience, that's germaine to the topic.

2muchpain

I often get a kick out of people that love to talk and talk and talk. Eventually, some people just take out their phones and start texting. Others take to opportunity to re-fill their coffee cup. The funny part is that the people that love to talk don't even seem to notice this!! I figure they are so wrapped up in what they are saying, I think the room could pretty much empty out, and they'd keep talking.
But back to the OP's concerns. I have found that you don't hear many people repeat their stories in larger rooms. Seems there's a lot more people coming and going, so you hear a lot of different stories in that situation. John

Gottalife

Maybe the meeting is being used to 12 step newcomers. This was never their intended purpose. 12 step is a one on one thing. But you can get this pattern, week after week, "oh look we have a newcomer so let's talk about our drinking".

I prefer recovery based meetings where we talk about the solution. Big book and step studies are good for this. If we have a newcomer, we make sure they get to talk with someone after the meeting.

If you can picture the newcomers experience over their first few weeks, in the 12 step meeting, they are just going to hear about drinking every week and after a while they think that is all AA is, same old same old. People often complain about this on this site, they say it is triggering, and they may have a point.

In a recovery based meeting they will have heard about different aspects of the program in some depth, what action is needed to obtain freedom from alcohol. The topic progresses through the book or the steps each week, so there is never any repitition, except in reaffirming the program as we go back to the start every so often.

I was so full of fear I could not speak for quite a while in AA, and when I did, I spoke a lot of tripe. I look back and shudder.

My work put me through a personality test in the mid eighties and I was quite an introvert. I have done a few of those tests over the years, and have gradually changed. My last one had me as a mild extrovert much to my surprise.

I worked and continued to work the steps, 1-9 initially and 10,11,12 as a way of life. Today I have no problem with fear of people except maybe for the odd day when I feel a bit off. But I think everyone has off days. It is part of the human condition.

wshall

I'm with you. I didn't like speaking either but when I did I was always glad I did. As far as the old timers go with the same old story goes. There were a couple of those in my home group. Used to put me off too until I realized they needed to do it. Those guys and gals were happy to share their lowest points in life to make a point. I loved speaker meetings, try those

Doubter

Thanks guys. I have to face my fears. No negative thinking only positive thoughts from now.

Doubter

Yes reading the book but no steps yet.

teatreeoil007

I don't have social anxiety so much as I just need a break from people sometimes. I found out a while ago that "audiences" are far more GRACIOUS than I thought and that I could RELAX about it more than I was. I think many folks just appreciate plain honest talk/sharing.

Dave42001

Good stuff, Tomsteve!

Gottalife

The big book is a text book, "how to" if you like.

It is a bit like a gardening book. You can get knowledge by reading it, but if you don't do the spade work, you won't have a garden.

Flawed

I was SUPER socially anxious, and it was one reason I drank. It took a little bit, but learning to talk to people before and after meetings has helped tremendously and now it is so much better. I didn't share at a meeting for two months, it's okay, keep going however you are comfortable.

Nevertheless

There is almost always someone who just rambles on and on over and over at an AA meeting. But myself like you have trouble talking. And the fact is,if a meeting only had people that didn't have much to say. It wouldn't be much of a meeting. Nobody would say anything,and the meeting would be over in minutes.
You just have to take what you need ,and leave the rest.