bounced

Hi everyone

I have been sober for nearly 3 years and, whilst I have a plethora of issues, I had thought my sobriety was secure. I am in counselling and on SSRI medication for anxiety and depression. The anxiety is really improved but my depression has been really persistent.

I know that I will cease drinking again before my wife returns in 10 days time (it is an ultimatum whereby she would leave if I am actively drinking so it's a no-brainer for me).

So here is where I need some advice.....is this going to be a "start from scratch" issue - right back to square one - or will I be able to manage this as a temporary relapse where I can build on what I had already achieved?

I tend to be a black and white thinker so this looks to be a complete failure from where I am looking at the moment.

Thanks for any advice.

entropy1964

Hi there. Congrats on almost 3 years....so sorry you chose to relapse. Sounds like a case of 'the cats away'.

I guess its your choice whether this is a catastrophic mess (keep drinking for 10 days) or a learning experience. If you can post here, you have enough sense to stop now....and good on ya for reaching out. Black and white? You're alcoholic, you can't drink.

I hope you decide not to make this harder than it needs to be.

doggonecarl

I think this is up to you.

June of 2010 I relapsed, with drugs, not alcohol, after almost 6 years clean. It was supposed to be just for a weekend, but I think it ended up being about five days. However, I was in full addict mode the first night.

Anyway, I resumed recovery with a vigor I don't think I had previously and have been clean two years and almost six years without a drink. So my using didn't derail me completely.

Point being, relapses don't have to undermine your recovery completely.

But they can. I've seen any number of SR members drink and get swallowed up my their addiction.

Doesn't have to happen to you. But a question... Is it your intent to drink until your wife gets back?

zoomi

I think if you did it the three years you should have the tools to jump back on the train. it's better not to touch another drop of it even if you have time until your wife comes back.

ScottFromWI

My personal $.02 would be that it doesn't really matter if it's a "do over" or "bump in the road" or whatever you'd like to call it. Bottom line, you are drinking and you need to stop - doesn't get more black and white than that, right?

What would be most concerning to me is the fact that you haven't seemed to commit to quitting now - only before your wife gets back and finds out.

ReadyOrNot123

I just relapsed also, and the only silver lining I can find is that I know that all of this misery will dissipate given enough time. While I feel upset, ashamed, and the works, I know that it's temporary. I also know that I can do this, and need to redouble my efforts. So for me, it's not like starting from scratch. I know that better days are ahead. I hope they are for you too, it's definitely better to be sober than drunk, don't you think?

bounced

Yes, thank you everyone for your support.

It seems to me that my wife only gives out negative points. (I have read the "Men are from Mars..." book). So drinking gets negative points but not drinking doesn't undo those negative points. I completely accept that this issue isn't just about "not drinking" but I am also working on my anxiety, depression and negativity (amongst other things) but it doesn't seem I can earn any positive points, no matter what I do.

This relapse is really about frustration that it doesn't seem to make any difference to her when I am sober but it does when I am drinking. Don't get me wrong. I am not trying to lay this off on her. But 3 years is quite a big commitment on my part. That is worth something, isn't it?

shortstop81

bounced - nothing can take away from your 3 years or sobriety.

Like others have said, it doesn't really matter what you call it. What's important is how you move forward from here in order to get back on the saddle. By all means, think of this as a 'blip-on-the-radar' if it helps you. It doesn't matter what others think, only what kind of mindset YOU need to have to get better.

fred59

I had 23 plus years sober and I did not beat myself up over drinking again, just stop and pick up where you left off and tell the people in your program be honest and do not beat yourself up.
I suffer from depression and alcohol only makes it worse.
Do what your doctor advises and exercise and eat healthy.

good luck

bounced

Just what I need. Thank you so much shortstop81.

And thank you doggonecarl and Scott and others. This forum is invaluable to me and I value everyone here and everything you are all doing.

Thank you all!

ReadyOrNot123

I don't think spouses can win really - mine is a softie - hates that I drink but it generally kind. I think I'd be a whole lot less patient.

lyddie

I had over 5 years of sobriety and then I drank one night. I didn't drink again until 2 months later but then 3 weeks after that I did. All in all over a 7 month period, I had some wine about 20 times. I didn't always get drunk, but I was drinking. So now technically I only have 19 days. But honestly no, I don't feel like I did when I was in early sobriety - no incessant cravings so far - and I really really don't want to drink. But you should stop now before all those all mind\brain addictive patterns kick in and make it so much harder to pick yourself up. Good luck!

MIRecovery

I don't believe any sober time is wasted time. I quit drinking for six years but I never really quit. There was always that tiny thought in my mind that someday I would learn how to drink successfully. One day I decided to have a glass of wine at wedding. That was the beginning of a four year death spiral that almost killed me.

With my life, marriage, career and everything else I cared about on the line I got serious. I went to IOP for four months and AA 6 times a week for 1.5 years, I got a sponsor and worked the steps. I made systemic changes in my life.

The question I needed to ask myself was am I will to do what is necessary for the rest of my life to stay sober. For me the answer was yes. Going on 7 years sober and there is not a day I don't work an active program of recovery

Gottalife

If you believe you had any choice in drinking, what was it that brought on the insane choice?

I don't know what you were doing to maintain your sobriety in the first place.

You mentioned medication for mental health issues which is not my field. But the symptoms for those conditions are very similar to those for untreated alcoholism, and untreated alcoholism always makes us restless, irritable and discontent, to say the least.

The root causes of our drinking, behavioural issues if you like, are still active and creating the circumstances where we would turn to our old solution, alcohol, to fix them. When alcohol is not available, then we just have to suffer through which eventually becomes too much to handle.

Perhaps something can be learned from this. Sobriety doesn't have to be a miserable fear filled existence. It can be better than anything you have experienced before. But we have to work at it. What are you willing to do to get a better deal?