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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Thanks everyone 
Della, I am looking for a new regular therapist and saw one of the candidates yesterday. Wow. I am torn thinking he might be a very good fit for my next phase of therapy journey, and that perhaps this is a guy I should rather meet in a different context, not as my therapist... Cognitively very intense with a broad knowledge, very observant and direct, goal-oriented (this is one of the most important variables for me right now in a therapist) and a kind person. Also an office environment that I really liked. Well, one of his offices, he has two and if I chose to work with him, I would have to alternate between the two locations to match our schedules. One of my reservations about him though is that he seems to really like talking a lot himself. Quite different from the other two therapists I'd worked with earlier. It's not like useless self-focused or boring stuff though, he has many interesting things to say and it's not focused on him but things about psychology, neuroscience, books and his own thoughts about whatever, including me the patient. I can interrupt anytime and then he will listen to me speak as long as I want before starting on another chain of thoughts. He also claims to be a spiritual person, but we have not yet discussed in which way. So, attractive in many dimensions, but also more expensive than the other candidates. Will see the other two this week and then decide.
Other than this, my plan includes going to meetings daily and not skipping a day for a while unless something really important gets in the way. AA and SMART. The gain from SMART in my past experience is more like a practical thing. For AA, I want to find a home group and get a sponsor. Won't rush it though as what tends to work for me is taking my time to explore and then settle on a solution that is a good fit.
I really got into that biofeedback thing in rehab, I would love to be able to do it at home and am looking into more training and eventually perhaps buying the equipment.
I also want to get back into a regular yoga and meditation routine -- I found those very helpful when I first got sober and also restarted at rehab. One change I want to implement now is to create a little special space in my home for these activities. We have a large walk-in closet that is not being used for anything right now, I am thinking of setting that up as my safe space for yoga and meditation, with decorations and objects that I like and are meaningful for me in this context, some interesting dim lighting, candles and incense, and a comfortable sitting area. I found even in the past that it's best to create a sort of personal ritual around these things but I never had anything stable and long term so far.
Della, I am looking for a new regular therapist and saw one of the candidates yesterday. Wow. I am torn thinking he might be a very good fit for my next phase of therapy journey, and that perhaps this is a guy I should rather meet in a different context, not as my therapist... Cognitively very intense with a broad knowledge, very observant and direct, goal-oriented (this is one of the most important variables for me right now in a therapist) and a kind person. Also an office environment that I really liked. Well, one of his offices, he has two and if I chose to work with him, I would have to alternate between the two locations to match our schedules. One of my reservations about him though is that he seems to really like talking a lot himself. Quite different from the other two therapists I'd worked with earlier. It's not like useless self-focused or boring stuff though, he has many interesting things to say and it's not focused on him but things about psychology, neuroscience, books and his own thoughts about whatever, including me the patient. I can interrupt anytime and then he will listen to me speak as long as I want before starting on another chain of thoughts. He also claims to be a spiritual person, but we have not yet discussed in which way. So, attractive in many dimensions, but also more expensive than the other candidates. Will see the other two this week and then decide.
Other than this, my plan includes going to meetings daily and not skipping a day for a while unless something really important gets in the way. AA and SMART. The gain from SMART in my past experience is more like a practical thing. For AA, I want to find a home group and get a sponsor. Won't rush it though as what tends to work for me is taking my time to explore and then settle on a solution that is a good fit.
I really got into that biofeedback thing in rehab, I would love to be able to do it at home and am looking into more training and eventually perhaps buying the equipment.
I also want to get back into a regular yoga and meditation routine -- I found those very helpful when I first got sober and also restarted at rehab. One change I want to implement now is to create a little special space in my home for these activities. We have a large walk-in closet that is not being used for anything right now, I am thinking of setting that up as my safe space for yoga and meditation, with decorations and objects that I like and are meaningful for me in this context, some interesting dim lighting, candles and incense, and a comfortable sitting area. I found even in the past that it's best to create a sort of personal ritual around these things but I never had anything stable and long term so far.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Originally Posted by SoberLeigh 
Thinking of you, Aellyce, and wishing you the absolute best-always. I've been (and am) quite sick and unable to keep up with threads.
I am, as ever, so impressed by you.
I am, as ever, so impressed by you.
I really hope that your health improves soon
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 6,666
Hey, Aellyce! I enjoy reading your comments. I don't have much to offer you, but the little bit I do is this… I started attending a relapse prevention group recently, only had a couple of sessions but I'm enjoying it.
It would appear to be a combination of meditation, psychology and talking therapy with an emphasis on feedback. Which is great, right? Anyhoo they were talking about this the other week, the 'wheel of change'. They asked me if I had heard of it. I said I have heard of the wind's of change, and maybe I dunno some other wheels and deals, the wheel of fortune perhaps? I digress… Basically the girl explains to us how relapse is actually part of the cycle, not the end of it (which is somewhat different to AA I might add. And I'm not knocking AA, far from it as I have had nothing but positive encouragement, suggestions and identification in the rooms for the most part). She was saying that we learn from a relapse, and then resume a place on the cycle, the cycle doesn't begin all over again. Which I can dig man, because I had a little slip and a slide back in Febuary and I certainly learnt from it. I managed to get to grips with my AV (no easy task, it was morphing and everything) and even interrogated it somewhat, made it confess and managed to send it a-packing! Word.
Or as another member told me back then, sometimes we need a slip in order to see what it is we don't want, which was helpful indeed. I'm sure you know all this already, but hopefully it's cool. Good to see you hey.
It would appear to be a combination of meditation, psychology and talking therapy with an emphasis on feedback. Which is great, right? Anyhoo they were talking about this the other week, the 'wheel of change'. They asked me if I had heard of it. I said I have heard of the wind's of change, and maybe I dunno some other wheels and deals, the wheel of fortune perhaps? I digress… Basically the girl explains to us how relapse is actually part of the cycle, not the end of it (which is somewhat different to AA I might add. And I'm not knocking AA, far from it as I have had nothing but positive encouragement, suggestions and identification in the rooms for the most part). She was saying that we learn from a relapse, and then resume a place on the cycle, the cycle doesn't begin all over again. Which I can dig man, because I had a little slip and a slide back in Febuary and I certainly learnt from it. I managed to get to grips with my AV (no easy task, it was morphing and everything) and even interrogated it somewhat, made it confess and managed to send it a-packing! Word.
Or as another member told me back then, sometimes we need a slip in order to see what it is we don't want, which was helpful indeed. I'm sure you know all this already, but hopefully it's cool. Good to see you hey.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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Originally Posted by SpaceGoat
Or as another member told me back then, sometimes we need a slip in order to see what it is we don't want, which was helpful indeed. I'm sure you know all this already, but hopefully it's cool. Good to see you hey.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
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Or as another member told me back then, sometimes we need a slip in order to see what it is we don't want, which was helpful indeed.
couldn't disagree more.
this is screwy "addicted thinking".
this is exactly the kind of thinking that leads to repeat relapses, saying we need to relapse once in a while so we see that we don't want to relapse.
couldn't disagree more.
this is screwy "addicted thinking".
this is exactly the kind of thinking that leads to repeat relapses, saying we need to relapse once in a while so we see that we don't want to relapse.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I'm also very leery of the "relapse is part of recovery" theory. Yes, a lot of people return to drinking after they quit, but we all have tons of experience with how bad drinking can be. We need only to look back at the wrekcage of our past to know what will happen if we drink again. Drinking again to prevent drinking again really doesn't make much sense to me.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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As far as I can see, the opinions and experiences are quite varied regarding whether people learn from relapses and find that coming back from them takes recovery to another level or not. For me, it's probably a bit too early to say much about it. One thing that is certainly true though is that most likely I would not have done a few of the constructive things that I did in response to my relapse. I don't feel that I've learned anything about (my) addiction I did not already know before relapsing, don't think I was in denial about any aspect of it before, did not even have ideas that perhaps my addiction is gone or that I could moderate drinking. What I can say is that I am pursuing things that I would not have done without the relapse. I don't think that relapse is part of recovery either but I am trying to have a positive outlook instead of beating myself up for it and getting bogged down in regrets. One thing I am happy about though (if "happy" is a good term here) is that I did not let the relapse progress further. I have no doubts that it would have led to an ugly place, and probably sooner rather than later, given how quickly I drank just as badly as before my first quit.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Just a quick thought. It strikes me that your academic and career choices have served you well. You know more about the mechanics of addiction and its treatment than 99% of the people who post here. What you don't know is the effect that the 12 steps will have on your understandings. It seems to be just about the last thing that you want to engage. Why this is the case I can only speculate, but I suspect it has to do with your academic and career choices as much as anything.
You are going to AA meetings. I guess that's good. Yet something tells me those meetings will not benefit you very much right now (other that to scout out potential sponsors). What has the best chance of success IMO is "a higher education of the mind beyond the confines of mere rationalism". I think you know what I mean.
You are going to AA meetings. I guess that's good. Yet something tells me those meetings will not benefit you very much right now (other that to scout out potential sponsors). What has the best chance of success IMO is "a higher education of the mind beyond the confines of mere rationalism". I think you know what I mean.
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Originally Posted by awuh1
Just a quick thought. It strikes me that your academic and career choices have served you well. You know more about the mechanics of addiction and its treatment than 99% of the people who post here. What you don't know is the effect that the 12 steps will have on your understandings. It seems to be just about the last thing that you want to engage. Why this is the case I can only speculate, but I suspect it has to do with your academic and career choices as much as anything.
You are going to AA meetings. I guess that's good. Yet something tells me those meetings will not benefit you very much right now (other that to scout out potential sponsors). What has the best chance of success IMO is "a higher education of the mind beyond the confines of mere rationalism". I think you know what I mean.
You are going to AA meetings. I guess that's good. Yet something tells me those meetings will not benefit you very much right now (other that to scout out potential sponsors). What has the best chance of success IMO is "a higher education of the mind beyond the confines of mere rationalism". I think you know what I mean.
I think, if anything, it's the other way around: my academic career is a consequence of my general thinking style and interests, personality, whatnot. And I consider it a very good choice for the professional part of my life, I feel it suits me in almost every way. I do find it fulfilling but far from the only thing I am interested in. I don't feel it limits me or blocks me from exploring whatever I am interested in, and I never for a moment thought, for example, that science and spirituality are mutually exclusive or something like that. It's all down to individual interest imo. Again, I don't quite see where your observations come from other than it's true I have not engaged in the 12 steps yet. I don't even consider myself (or anyone, let alone the world we are part of) very rational at all, just have an interest in how things work. Anyway the purpose of the AA meetings is exactly to find a sponsor now.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
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Glad to see you back, Aellyce. I've found that ritualizing many aspects of recovery --meeting routines, meditation, reading -- was very helpful. It gives me daily space in my head and life for quiet reflection and gratitude.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
Courage makes an excellent point, one which is sometimes overlooked (well, I often overlook it :-)). I'm very like you, Aellyce, insofar as I always feel most at home in myself when diggin' around in fairly high-intellect stuff. I can only do this on my own these days, can't work anymore, but I often notice how much I do miss that whole academic / uni style environment - I so felt 'at home' there for 10 years. Pity my alcoholism was ramping up big-time then.................
However: meditation and the like is critical for me, for the reasons courage noted. But it occurs to me as well that making it regular can be a most helpful - albeit 'slow cooking' - sort of container for inner intensity, attraction to drama and grasping for heightened dynamics in things, and too MUCH investment in intellectual reasoning [which may have been a little of what awuh was referring to, but I don't know of course).
Indeed, in my limited understanding and experience, the core principles and tasks of Buddhism [the original foundation of most meditation practices in the West these days] help me to see how and when those things above are, or have been, unhelpful ['unskillful'] and creating suffering.
However: meditation and the like is critical for me, for the reasons courage noted. But it occurs to me as well that making it regular can be a most helpful - albeit 'slow cooking' - sort of container for inner intensity, attraction to drama and grasping for heightened dynamics in things, and too MUCH investment in intellectual reasoning [which may have been a little of what awuh was referring to, but I don't know of course).
Indeed, in my limited understanding and experience, the core principles and tasks of Buddhism [the original foundation of most meditation practices in the West these days] help me to see how and when those things above are, or have been, unhelpful ['unskillful'] and creating suffering.
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