Biff123

I wrote this here in October 2014-

"I really don't want to throw 23 months away, but honestly, I just want to go out with my buddies and have a couple beers."

I went out and had a couple of beers with my buddies. But then I also stayed home and drank 100s of beers by myself. Its not about going out with friends and having fun. Since i started again in June 2015, I have gone out with friends and drank less than 5 times.

I had 2.5 years of sobriety under my belt- but I slowly started to let that little voice in my head take control of me-telling me that i should drink. I started to rationalize that life is short, and that I should enjoy it with a few drinks.

It definitely didn’t happen over night. It was months of thinking about how it would be great to drink again- pushing all the reasons why I quit in the first place to the back of my mind. I started thinking to myself, I don’t want to be the guy who doesn’t drink beer-Ill be the odd man out-i won’t fit in. But I forgot to remember that those things don’t mean ****. Thats not what life is about. My life is about being there for my family and being a positive influence on them.

One time while I was sober, my 9 year old was with me when I went to donate blood. The lady asked if i had drank in the last 24 hrs- my son chimes in and says, 'my dad doesn’t drink'. He was proud. I miss that feeling- knowing that I'm there 100% for my family- I am giving this another go.

Last time, I relied solely on SR for support- this time I will do the same, with one difference- a commitment to post more frequently. Last time I gathered support from so many of you by reading your words of encouragement and wisdom. Now, I will try to be that voice of encouragement for others.

Here goes nothing.

Biff

least

Welcome back! I'm glad you're giving it another go. Living sober is worth the effort it takes, and waking up feeling good never gets old.

freshstart57

Biff, the urge for a beer after 2 1/2 years is exactly the same one that looks for a little hair of the dog the morning after a blow out. It looks the same, sounds the same and smells the same.

At the first glimpse, or whisper, or whiff, recognize it for what it is, what it wants, and where it will lead. Take a long hard look, take it all in. And then repeat your declaration. I will never drink again, and I am never changing my mind.

You can do it. It's worth it.

BigP

Hi biff,
it's great your back here to give encouragement to us al 👍2.5 years sober is amazing. The longest I've been sober is 4 months that was two years ago. I started this year great having a sober new year. I then stayed sober for 8 weeks before slipping and going on a 25 day bender. I am now on day 2 and am feeling positive. I too have had great support from everyone on here but when I'm staying sober I visit less and less then I start drinking again. I agree we must stick to SR every day and post more.

Together Sr we can do this 😊

SoberinSyracuse

That's exactly how the "little voice" works. "Aw, c'mon, a beer or two won't hurt you. Or ten. Or fifty."

Well, you know its ways now and won't let it fool you again!

whatalaska

Inspirational post, all the best Biff123 and good luck.

AdelineRose

Never stop fighting, you will get out of it a million times more than what you put in.

I have found keeping a detailed journal from day one has helped me not let those thoughts creep back in since I can look back and read how miserable and sick I was and how desperately I wanted sobriety.

My doctor says that once someone stops asking for help then that is the moment to really start to worry. Keep pushing forward, not drinking doesn't make you stand out half as much as being completely wasted, inappropriate and a hassle for people to handle

FarToGo

Thank you for the great post. It is really helpful to be reminded that progress can all be undone so easily.
Well done for coming back.
I'm nowhere near 2.5 years, but my sober time is significant for me and very dependent on SR and coming on every day that I can get 5 minutes at my computer. Several times a day when I'm struggling.
Reading and posting keeps the aim in mind, sober always!
Lots of luck to you.
xx

Biff123

Many thanks to all the kind and uplifting responses!

Soberwolf

Nice to meet you Biff

Obladi

Hi Biff. I'm glad you came back.

Good for you. You know you can do it and you know what went wrong.

I think posting here more frequently is a great idea.

Make you a deal.
I'll let you encourage me if you let me encourage you.

Dee74

Welcome back Biff

Posting here more regularly is great, but you might want to think a bit more about your recovery plan - some great ideas here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

D

Timmy1028

Keep coming back man! Not your exact same story, but I had about a year and the exact same thing happened to me. I suffered a progressive relapse when I thought I could control myself and ended up in the hospital. I've got 2 1/2 months in now. Let's keep going!

Hevyn

I'm so glad you came back, Biff. I did the same thing after 3 yrs. sober & was gone again for a very long time. I now know I can never risk having 'a few' - there is no such thing for us. You sound ready to reclaim your life - and we know you can.

advbike

I have two and a half years.. and appreciate the great reminder. I have noticed that my alcoholic brain creates many problems to challenge me, and when that failed after the first year, began to concoct many exciting and elaborate adventures in order to put me into a situation where I will drink again.. island living in SE Asia? Check. Exotic girlfriend? Check. A new motorcycle? Check.

Fortunately for me.. AA worldwide? Check.

So far my adventures haven't caused me to cave, but the crazy thinking just won't stop.. and my alcoholic brain knows my weak spots.. travel and adventure (I'm retired). Fortunately I'm beginning to recognize it for what it is. Pure alcoholic thinking.. and very sophisticated. It's willing to be patient, and wait.

Thanks for the reminder. I needed that. And good luck. It's sneaky and patient.

Sunbeam

I just keep reminding myself that those good times are long gone, left back in the days when I drank responsibly.

My present and future reality is that I don't want to drink, there is nothing in alcohol that will improve my life in any way.

Currently, I have freedom to choose what I will do every day. Under the chains of alcohol, I lose that freedom.

Mountainmanbob

That would be a good goal -- to get to that sober point in time again.

I drank twice with almost three years of sobriety and now have 8 years sober -- you can do it sober again.

Bob

Grungehead

Thanks for sharing Biff. It goes to show how patient one's AV can be and how a relapse often starts (mentally) long before we ever pick up a drink. I too have had multiple long stretches of sobriety (6.5 years and 7 years) only to pick up a drink again...with devastating results I might add! I'm less than a month away from 3 years, so I wanted to let you know that this post was a helpful reminder for me. In addition to working the program of AA, SR has been a big part of my recovery this time. Being able to connect with like-minded people 24/7 has been a great addition to my recovery "tool box".

Biff123

Thanks again everybody. I'm motivated! Day 3 here and I'm physically feeling much better. Yesterday I was quite the irritable ***** but I know that's part of the deal.

Thanks for the resources Dee, I never really had that kind of plan in place before. It looks like it will take some work, but I'm committed, and will put one together ASAP.

Soberwolf

That's awesome Biff congrats on day 3 and reach out anytime you need to bud