sobersovereign

I have been fantasizing a LOT lately about "just one" glass. I'm 2.5 years sober and the thrill of sobriety is gone and now it just feels like a slog. Just a lot of chatter in my head about how I can handle it now, things are different now, I would know better not to go down that road again, etc etc. My permanent single status contributes to loneliness, I have tried reaching out socially in my community but it's a very small town and I just haven't been able to find much. Almost everyone is coupled up/familied up and those who aren't are thoroughly undatable/single for a very good reason. I have been thinking about moving somewhere new, but am not in a position to do that financially and won't be for a while, even if I started saving now. I'm not white knuckling against driving to the liquor store or anything but I know these kind of thoughts start weeks before a relapse, so I am reaching out.

Coldfusion

I think if you read around and post here for a while, you will see that the idea of "just one" glass is indeed just a fantasy.

As far as loneliness goes, I pretty much have no friends but I go to AA meetings and feel a connection with those people.

Dee74

Hi sobersovereign

my first suggestion is to go back and read your old posts. Remind yourself of what the bad old days were really like.

the second thing is - you sound unhappy - sobriety, and life, itself shouldn't be a slog.

Can you think of ways to get to where you want to be without reaching for the alcohol fantasy?

If you're lonely and it's a small town, maybe you'll have to drive a little to find things to do?

you could always make friends online too and meet up that way

what about hobbies and interests? sports?

what kind of programme got you sober in the first place?

D

spadge

Hi hun

I too live alone and all my friends were just drinking buddies, so now I've had to let them go. My dearest friends are mainly on the internet - here and facebook.

I have a cat to keep me company but lots of hobbies too. I enjoy sewing, reading, doing puzzles or any crafts that take my fancy.

SR tho has been my lifeline and for now I am on here for most of the day as the help and advice is phenomenal.

I have tried many times to stop then think just one won't hurt but it doesn't work!

Don't give in hun xxx

Thumpalumpacus

I'm another country dweller, and fresh from a breakup, too -- and the loneliness can indeed be rough. I wish I had answers or advice for you. Right now I get a little social satisfaction from my weekly meeting, a little from being online, but it's not the same.

Soberwolf

Good job reaching out can I ask what do you enjoy ie hobbies pastimes

sleepie

Hi sobersovereign how are you today? Hoe you are doing better, loneliness is a real tough one. back when I had zero friends and nobody to talk to I often played NPR or audiobooks, it felt as if someone was there with me (I know it sounds sad but survival). Just get through, talk to us here and whatever it takes, better that than hung over and lonely

Bunny211

Hey there. Are you working a program? I understand that my mind is incredibly warped and I need to stick close to AA to work my program or else I am in big trouble.

Have you thought about attending meetings? It's a good way to make like-minded friends. At least in my experience it has been!

doggonecarl

That was my first thought...weekend trips to the "Big City" or whatever is close to you.

least

I hope you don't give in and drink.

SoberinSyracuse

Where I live is a little socially limiting, too. I've pretty much decided I want to leave in a year or two, and I know I can't make that dream come true if I'm drinking.

Do you ever think seriously about a plan for relocation? It sounds crazy, but a lot of people do it, so why not us?

tomsteve

first off theyre just thoughts of drinking that are lies-you dont have to act on them. if you were to drink ya wouldnt mysteriously be in a relationsip. youd still live in small town,usa.
second, relapse ends with a drink. you are in relapse right now and have the ability to stop it.

third,this is just my honest opinion, but it reads like a lot of self pity, which im really relating to a lot of what ya type as i got sober in small town,usa.

i got out of it and became ok with living where i was by accepting it and learning to be comfortable with who i was- learning how to love myself.
i am veeeeeerrrry friggin greatful and blessed to be single and plan on staying that way now. its pretty dam awesome being single!

Hawkeye13

Maybe some day trips to bigger places, weekends away, and
some other positives would help?
I have tried and failed at "moderation" repeatedly and do not suggest
it.

Sounds like you already know that, just reinforcing the idea.

red3215

Try not to allow the alcohol fantasies. When your mind starts to go there, fantasize about chocolate or something else instead.
I know whenever I fantasize about something for a long time I'll start craving it.

Fly N Buy

Here a great sticky located in the Alcoholism Forum on SR. Whenever I start to think about drinking, a stark reminder of the physical effects on my brain and body jolt me back into the reality of who I am.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

I choose to live another day in the hopes that things/circumstances may improve. Regardless - I'll take loneliness over cirrhosis of the liver.......

How about a pet???

Delizadee

Have you thought about making some new goals to work towards? I too am dealing with the loneliness. AA and my sponsor have been really good for me. Getting out and meeting new people in surrounding areas. Part of my recovery plan is working out goals and plans for them. I'm starting off small because I'm pretty fresh still but it seems to be helping.

I hope you are doing ok.

bandit112

As someone that has relapsed multiple times, I can fully relate. The thought of planning a night of booze to just escape everything creeps it's way in.

Part of what has helped me in the past is knowing that I am in full control of whether or not I relapse. I can be the one that decides to drink, or I can be the one that keeps working to turn my life around. It's an empowering thought.

red3215

This site is extremely active where I live www.meetup.com with literally hundreds of social groups to choose from. And it's country wide. I'm sure if you hunt around you can find a volunteer group, church, or some organization to go socialize regularly at.
Hang in there