tim68

My last post was May of 2014. I stayed sober for 30 days. My biggest accomplishment in years and years. I had a bad day and continued to drink on and and off until January of 2015. I tried again and made it 90 days until the end of April. One beer ruined it and I was ashamed. I just couldn't get the courage to come back here because of my shame. I'm coming back here today for strength. I wish I never left. I was getting back to drinking every other day and it's creeping towards every day and I've got to stop the madness once and for all. Nothing dramatic brought me here today other than being sick and tired of it all. Sick and tired of lying to myself of being able to control it. It controls me and Im just so mad about it trying to dominate me. I'm mad enough that I believe this could finally be the time I accept that I'm an alcoholic and that I'm powerless against it! Powerless? God I hate that! But I have to acknowledge it. Today I'm back to day one, and that's ok. I tried so many times to quit smoking and I'm proud to say my last smoke was 1994! I can overcome my drinking too. I refuse to quit getting up when I fall. I'm just so tired of falling for the lie that I can drink. I cannot! Ever. I made it 30 days, I made it 90 days. I have it in me, but I just have to leave the old me behind once and for all and not look back. I sure missed the kindness and understanding of you all here. I need you all. Thank you for being there when I needed you.

JD

Welcome back Tim. Yeah, that moderation doesn't work out too well. Glad you're back.

Dee74

I'm glad you're back now Tim
What do you think you'll do differently this time?

D

Hevyn

Glad to have you back with us, Tim. I did the same thing once - had 3 yrs. sober & decided I could be a social drinker. Took me 7 years to admit defeat - that's when I found SR. You can get your life back together - we'll help.

tim68

Thank you Dee! In all honesty I just didn't believe in my heart of hearts that I was completely powerless over alcohol. It's taken time to accept it and I do now. I'm a strong man emotionally and that was a hard pill to swallow. I don't feel defeated, but I accept the fact that I just can't drink like everyone else. That is hard to accept but I have. Thank you for asking. I hope you are doing well!

least

Post here often, and especially if you get the urge to drink. Tell on yourself so we can talk you out of it.

I'm glad you're back.

babycat

Welcome back!! I recently restarted my sobriety journey too, so I am right there with ya with the feeling of being so sick and tired of all the crap alcohol brings. You can do this!!! Keep posting!

Anna

Hi Tim,

I'm glad you are determined to keep trying to make this work. Acceptance is very important!

Jecrois2016

Welcome back Tim!

Zebra1275

Welcome, glad you made it back.

Obladi

Tim, glad you busted out of that shame to come back. I felt that way too, but it was a good move.

Aside from posting here and realizing you are powerless once you take that first drink, do you have other ideas of what's going to help you keep up the momentum?

tim68

Well I'm definitely signing back up for another year at a fitness center. Like many I have anxiety and problems with restlessness. I blew my last 90 day stretch by going for a drink to calm myself down. Of course I went downhill from there and replaced the gym and fitness with alcohol. Dumb move. So.....back to the gym I go. Like I said before the hardest part of all this is that I can't have something. That I can't handle something. I really really hate that! But trying to prove that fact wrong is the insanity of it all. But what can I do other than humbly back down from it? So here I go, one day at a time again acknowledging acceptance of my alcoholism, but not defeat! Thank you all for your comments and encouragement! Coming back here after all this time was not easy. Your kindness means the world to me.

Mountainmanbob

For us liquor had ceased to be a luxury
and now become a necessity.

Self deception took me down
too many times.

Keep an eye on the one in the mirror.

Mountainman

CountryChick

Glad you made it back Tim. I am also in the same boat. I haven't posted or been on here since April 2014. Since then all I have done is gotten worse. I'll screw up & to deal with it I just drink again. I hate it!! All it does is make my life a living hell! And like you I smoked for 15 years & never thought I would quit but its been 2 years since I've smoked so I know I can kick this habit too! Thank you for sharing your story! It helps to see that your not the only one who struggles!!

FarToGo

Welcome back.
Sober is the only option as we all know too much about the alternative!
I also get the sense everybody is welcome and supported, so please stick around.
xx

tim68

Congrats on your two years from the smokes! It gets easier so keep it up! As for the alcohol your back here which is a great start. Keep getting back up and fight the fight. We all are at different places in our addiction. If there is anything I can do let me know. I feel your frustration. Believe me I do.

SoberLeigh

Welcome back, tim; very nice to see you.

Acceptance that we are alcoholics is a huge hurdle to jump; great job.

Total resolve and commitment to never drink again was also integrally important for me.

Hope that you come to love and appreciate sobriety and recovery as I much as I have.

Sobriety rocks - who knew!!!!!

tim68

Well its been 65 days since my initial post. 65 straight sober days I'm happy to say! Actually I'm totally ecstatic! Dees question of "what's my plan" rings in my head daily. Being healthy, being a good husband, a good employee. There are times when I think about a drink. Not to solve a problem, but just to have that high and that release of dopamine. But I'm just so turned off by the consequences to get that short term satisfaction. It's day by day still, but I just don't want to go back. The happiness and feeling better than I have in forever just beats out the drink every time. I definitely enjoy staying sober more than I want to drink. I just feel great and happy. My wife sees a huge change in me as well. I'd like to surpass my 90 days of sobriety from last year which I don't see as a challenge. I just feel different right now. In a good way. I keep hearing how awesome that first or second year of sobriety is and I'm excited to get there. I may not sign in every day, but I check in here every few days to read and work on myself. Thank you all!

sleepie

That is great, way to go

Hevyn

We're so glad to hear it, tim. 65 days is wonderful.