ugh my thinking is turning...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 102
ugh my thinking is turning...
Day 112. Finally sleeping well, weight is stable, feeling good physically.
Mentally I am a mess. I am bored, I really miss watching football at the bar with my drinking buddies. I'm off work this week before my vacation expires, so I am missing staying up late and tying one on. My brain is doing nothing but telling me how much I miss it. How I don't have to be alone all the time, i could be out, like the old days... which it makes seem so so good with its selective memory.
I am really struggling. Bad. I'm depressed by how much I still want to drink. That leaves me with an overwhelming feeling of not wanting to do anything. I guess because it wont tickle my brain's pleasure center like the forbidden Juice.
There is no alcohol in my home, I will not cave in tonight. But ugh, this is mentally wearing me out fighting it.
Anyway my brain has turned from "I will do this, I will be sober" to "See how Sober life sucks, why not just drink to pass the time until it ends". Yeah it's that dark in here between my ears right now.
Mentally I am a mess. I am bored, I really miss watching football at the bar with my drinking buddies. I'm off work this week before my vacation expires, so I am missing staying up late and tying one on. My brain is doing nothing but telling me how much I miss it. How I don't have to be alone all the time, i could be out, like the old days... which it makes seem so so good with its selective memory.
I am really struggling. Bad. I'm depressed by how much I still want to drink. That leaves me with an overwhelming feeling of not wanting to do anything. I guess because it wont tickle my brain's pleasure center like the forbidden Juice.
There is no alcohol in my home, I will not cave in tonight. But ugh, this is mentally wearing me out fighting it.
Anyway my brain has turned from "I will do this, I will be sober" to "See how Sober life sucks, why not just drink to pass the time until it ends". Yeah it's that dark in here between my ears right now.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Hi Roy
I really needed to build a new sober life cos the more I mourned my drinking life, the greater danger there was of me returning to it.
The apathy is normal. For years I knew where 'fun' was - in a bottle.
The AV will knock itself out trying to convince you sober life sucks, and it will if you just live your drinking life, without drinking..
It's gonna take some initial effort to get off the couch and find fun elsewhere, yeah?
What changes can you make to your life to find sober fun?
what are you interested in?
D
I really needed to build a new sober life cos the more I mourned my drinking life, the greater danger there was of me returning to it.
The apathy is normal. For years I knew where 'fun' was - in a bottle.
The AV will knock itself out trying to convince you sober life sucks, and it will if you just live your drinking life, without drinking..
It's gonna take some initial effort to get off the couch and find fun elsewhere, yeah?
What changes can you make to your life to find sober fun?
what are you interested in?
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
I'm sorry you feel so bad Roy. After glancing back at your old posts it seems like you have struggled with this many times in the past.
Have you ever talked to a counselor about how you feel? Maybe you don't really want to drink...maybe you're depressed or anxious or have other issues?
We all have issues...trust me...I have my fair share! I'm currently in counseling myself to deal with all the reasons I drank.
Hang in there Roy! Like Dee said...don't let you AV talk you into drinking!
Have you ever talked to a counselor about how you feel? Maybe you don't really want to drink...maybe you're depressed or anxious or have other issues?
We all have issues...trust me...I have my fair share! I'm currently in counseling myself to deal with all the reasons I drank.
Hang in there Roy! Like Dee said...don't let you AV talk you into drinking!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Ct.
Posts: 173
Don't do it man. The old "this time will be different" or "just this once" never is. It takes time to build a new life. There are others out there living life without going to the bars or reaching for drink or drug to "relax and have fun". You're on the right path and you have some sober time, there's lots of resources and sober folks out there to help you down the path. Keep up the good work!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 701
I am sorry to hear that you are struggling. I too had a difficult time around the 3-4 month mark, but it gets better. Sometimes we get lost in what we think we are missing and forget to fully notice what we are gaining. Its easy to think about the "good old days", but here's a quote from a Billy Joel song, "The good old days weren't always good, tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems"
So...put away your rose-colored glasses; they are only an illusion.
So...put away your rose-colored glasses; they are only an illusion.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Sorry to hear you are struggling Roy. Coming here is a good alternative to help when you are feeling this way. Are you seeking any local support I wonder? There are a lot of ways to enjoy life without alcohol, but you may need some help finding them.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
I hear you Roy, this is also an issue for me. It not that I don't have things to do but more that I miss the rollercoaster highs, and even the lows that drinking brought. But thats not really the full picture is it?
Lets get back to basics. We both know that the drink will kill both of us if we continue, so stopping and dying are ultimately the only two realistic long term options. I think we both agree that drinking ourselves painfully to death is not where we want to be. So quitting forever it is.
There is nothing else in the middle -all those memories of fun, laughter and madness. That just your addiction screwing you you. Its a selective snapshot of a moment in time, but you know that.
So that just leaves the option of building a sober life. A sober life and a drinking life without alcohol are two very different things. Building a sober life takes time and it may also need a plan. Given the time of year why not project forward a year and ask yourself what you would love to have in place by the end of 2016? A couple of new friends? A fitness challenge? Travel to somewhere you always wanted to? I know it all sounds cliche'd but it will give you a focus that doesn't involve drinking.
Lets get back to basics. We both know that the drink will kill both of us if we continue, so stopping and dying are ultimately the only two realistic long term options. I think we both agree that drinking ourselves painfully to death is not where we want to be. So quitting forever it is.
There is nothing else in the middle -all those memories of fun, laughter and madness. That just your addiction screwing you you. Its a selective snapshot of a moment in time, but you know that.
So that just leaves the option of building a sober life. A sober life and a drinking life without alcohol are two very different things. Building a sober life takes time and it may also need a plan. Given the time of year why not project forward a year and ask yourself what you would love to have in place by the end of 2016? A couple of new friends? A fitness challenge? Travel to somewhere you always wanted to? I know it all sounds cliche'd but it will give you a focus that doesn't involve drinking.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
For some of us, just not drinking is not enough. For a problem drinker, stopping drinking will work fine. But for an alcoholic, taking away the alcohol just seems to bring out the alcoholism. Perhaps you are making that discovery at the moment. Maybe this is valuable experience.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 102
Thanks for the advice and thoughts everyone. It's proving very difficult to find a sober social life; I'm in a small town on the edge of the bible belt, everything revolves around drinking or the church, and with all respect to people of faith, that just isn't an option for me, personally. So I have a lot of alone time right now. I keep watching the interwebs for things to do but it's been pretty fruitless so far. There are things I enjoy doing on my own but they get old after a while, and never getting out is a bad approach.
I keep thinking, I have to give it a year.. really get over this 3 month hump (I've always failed around 100 days, this is my personal record in 20 years) and see what it's like further out. Give the poor old liver some quality healing time. It's just too much me time.
I keep thinking, I have to give it a year.. really get over this 3 month hump (I've always failed around 100 days, this is my personal record in 20 years) and see what it's like further out. Give the poor old liver some quality healing time. It's just too much me time.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
You are certainly correct that it takes time Roy. The addict inside all of us craves instant gratification, and that doesn't simply go away when we stop drinking.
I think one thing that's important to remember that consuming alcohol isn't really "something to do". The activities that are available for us to participate in are there whether we are drinking or not. All of the places you can go, all of the activities you can participate in, life itself goes on regardless of whether or not we happen to be drinking.
You say that the church community is "not for you". I can certainly understand that as I'm not an overly religious person myself. But I would say that churches can be a source of many social activities that really don't involve religion at all. Discussion groups, volunteer opportunities, social groups all abound in churches. Basically what I'm saying is that the more things you close your mind to and simply say "aren't for you" closes the door to opportunities you might never know existed.
A good read if you've never done so is the "looking for something to do" thread from the newcomers forum. I've linked it below
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html
I think one thing that's important to remember that consuming alcohol isn't really "something to do". The activities that are available for us to participate in are there whether we are drinking or not. All of the places you can go, all of the activities you can participate in, life itself goes on regardless of whether or not we happen to be drinking.
You say that the church community is "not for you". I can certainly understand that as I'm not an overly religious person myself. But I would say that churches can be a source of many social activities that really don't involve religion at all. Discussion groups, volunteer opportunities, social groups all abound in churches. Basically what I'm saying is that the more things you close your mind to and simply say "aren't for you" closes the door to opportunities you might never know existed.
A good read if you've never done so is the "looking for something to do" thread from the newcomers forum. I've linked it below
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
Keep going and don't give in to the temptation, it will stop soon enough. I am no stranger to the 3 month curve and you are right there now. Just hang in there, it gets better, it really does. You'll never know until you hold on long enough to get there. You can do it
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,430
I started playing guitar again after 25 years away.
I also got serious about cooking, started bird watching and hiking,
and joined a crossfit style gym.
I also began a yoga practice and there are some amazing programs
you can do at home.
What about cultivating some hobbies or things you've always wanted to do?
I live in the boonies near a small town in the Bible Belt and am not religious either,
so I knew my lifestyle improvements would have to be of my own making and
not external.
It's doable---what things interest you Roy?
I also got serious about cooking, started bird watching and hiking,
and joined a crossfit style gym.
I also began a yoga practice and there are some amazing programs
you can do at home.
What about cultivating some hobbies or things you've always wanted to do?
I live in the boonies near a small town in the Bible Belt and am not religious either,
so I knew my lifestyle improvements would have to be of my own making and
not external.
It's doable---what things interest you Roy?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: eastern canada
Posts: 65
Been there & caved in. Fast forward 2 years to now. Drinking hasn't fulfilled me really. Still bored because that's all i thought about. How to organize drinking friendly events. Day 5 again and life with spouse is worse, health is worse, lost time with family. I get it. I was bored, angry and thought I had control of drinking.
Don't give up!
Don't give up!
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