I'm sorry you feel so bad Roy. After glancing back at your old posts it seems like you have struggled with this many times in the past.
Have you ever talked to a counselor about how you feel? Maybe you don't really want to drink...maybe you're depressed or anxious or have other issues?
We all have issues...trust me...I have my fair share! I'm currently in counseling myself to deal with all the reasons I drank.
Hang in there Roy! Like Dee said...don't let you AV talk you into drinking!