Diary of a Mad Cow, Part XVI: "Last Call"
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
Posts: 2,548
Yay!! Dropsie's back :-) Missed you, dew drops! Glad you're feeling better. I will let you off for not exercising since you've had the flu. I've been doing a paltry 5 minutes a day. Better than nothing, I guess.
Omnivore
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Winter Water Wonder Land
Posts: 516
I do so enjoy our random small talk. I hope no one minds but I wanted to post about drinking.
I'm still on the pill. I felt challenged yesterday. I'm sure it is nothing like those of you who can't or don't take the pill. I can't just get the urge to drink and then drink so my temptation is more like, "Do I want to drink a week from now...." Much easier question than, "Do I want to drink right now?"
Last night I was tempted to stop taking the pill. Over the holiday my family and visitors have been drinking every day. Very reasonable amounts mind you. No obnoxious behavior. So I feel like I should be ok with it. I am. Sort of.
Last night was different though. Last night there was more than moderate drinking and some obnoxious behavior. So I started thinking, “Now I have the right to quit taking the pill.” Then I thought about what you all might say.
Of course I have the right to drink, if I want. But what would that solve? We would just have me being obnoxious too. And of course I would not be moderately drinking, even on day one. And of course I’d be back to high anxiety, doing brain damage, being a bad example for my children, spending extra money on poison I don’t need, etc. This is what you would say, right?
So I took the pill again today.
When I started this run of sobriety, I posted that I was 51% wanting to quit and 49% wanting to keep drinking. Now feel like I’m more 75% wanting to stay sober and only 25% wanting to drink, a week from now.
Ok, sorry for the interruption. Back to more important things. Hawk - I have a sliding glass door that opens onto an almost flat roof. I put bird seed there and wow! I get a real close up show of nice birdies eating their seeds and nuts together happily and then mean birds poking and jostling for seeds. I also have multiple suet feeders. Multiple types of woodpeckers, nuthatches, finches, red breasted grosbeaks, orioles in season, others too numerous to mention. All great entertainment.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
Posts: 2,548
Walk, that is so fantastic. It's interesting how people's journeys with this are all different. Some people are slow burners and build up to it gradually. I'm like that too. The main thing is that we keep heading in the right direction.
Do woodpeckers peck wood because they are looking for insects? Just curious :-)
Do woodpeckers peck wood because they are looking for insects? Just curious :-)
Omnivore
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Winter Water Wonder Land
Posts: 516
To elaborate a bit on Turtle....
They peck to get at insects deep in the wood of trees, yes. That is a main staple of their diet. They also bore hole in trees for nesting. If they decide to nest in the wooden structure of your home, you will note the vast difference in the sound between that and them looking for an insect. Your house will shake and you will think there are workmen hammering on it. It is pretty impressive.
They peck to get at insects deep in the wood of trees, yes. That is a main staple of their diet. They also bore hole in trees for nesting. If they decide to nest in the wooden structure of your home, you will note the vast difference in the sound between that and them looking for an insect. Your house will shake and you will think there are workmen hammering on it. It is pretty impressive.
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
How dares you come in here and talks about drinking, Walk! Jesus God! 
You situation really unique with you pill. If I to answer, do I want a drink in a week? Answer always would be no. Cuz I rational right now, and I know alcohol devestating to my life and well being. But when my brain go crazytoons, all manner of rational thinking says "see ya Cow!" and it want alcohol right now, consequence be damn. Major trigger is stimulants, so at some point, I has to own that when I choose cup of coffee (no matter how tired I is, or how much I has to get done, or how depress I am and knowing that coffee will make it go away) is all just blobbity blah blah ....I really choosing the "likelihood" of drinking later on. So I has to keep tell my self: you choose the coffee, you choosing the booze.
I see you pill in kind of this same way, anytime you even thinking to not take it, you choosing likelihood of future ass for brain moment of boozing, yes? And is really long past time for us to stop being assbrains.
I glad you percentages moving in right direction. I want 100% to be sober ...and 100% not to feel way I feel. Dilemma. But only way out is through.
You situation really unique with you pill. If I to answer, do I want a drink in a week? Answer always would be no. Cuz I rational right now, and I know alcohol devestating to my life and well being. But when my brain go crazytoons, all manner of rational thinking says "see ya Cow!" and it want alcohol right now, consequence be damn. Major trigger is stimulants, so at some point, I has to own that when I choose cup of coffee (no matter how tired I is, or how much I has to get done, or how depress I am and knowing that coffee will make it go away) is all just blobbity blah blah ....I really choosing the "likelihood" of drinking later on. So I has to keep tell my self: you choose the coffee, you choosing the booze.
I see you pill in kind of this same way, anytime you even thinking to not take it, you choosing likelihood of future ass for brain moment of boozing, yes? And is really long past time for us to stop being assbrains.
I glad you percentages moving in right direction. I want 100% to be sober ...and 100% not to feel way I feel. Dilemma. But only way out is through.
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