Kallistia

Karma works in mysterious ways (yes, I'm a firm believer in karma).

My boss, the one I'm always on about for just how hateful she is...

I noticed during one of her let's humiliate the help rants that she was becoming incredibly short of breath. Then I noticed this routinely happens. Then I recalled that she has a medical condition that affects her breathing.

Interesting that she's been blessed in this life with developing a condition that makes it difficult for her to continue speaking when the words out of her mouth are consistently derogatory, smart ***, and hateful.

zjw

yeah we all get what we deserve thats for sure. Its sad too because in the example you mention she brings this stuff upon herself it sounds like.

ScottFromWI

I'm going to have to disagree completely on this one. Mostly because if we do get what we "deserve" based on our actions, my life would be forever doomed. I drank, lied and was generally a pretty miserable person to be around for a good part of my drinking career. I'd like to hope that this person still has the opportunity to become a better person as well - whether that happens or not is certainly up to her, but taking solace in her misery seems a bit callous to be perfectly honest.

zjw

we get what we deserve both good and bad tho. we breed it either which way. Maybe there is a reason you didnt get all sorts of terrible things or someting scott? Dont be so down on yourself with what you do here I'd imagine your breeding good stuff.

ScottFromWI

I think perhaps you misunderstood my comment? I was basically saying that I don't believe that karma or "what goes around comes around" is set in stone. I believe we all have the power to change for the better ( or worse of course ).

Kallistia

I wouldn't call it taking solace, more like understanding that if she calmed down she wouldn't be standing there with her breath getting shorter and shorter.

I have a tremendous amount of sympathy for her - she has a very dissatisfied home life which I believe is where a lot of her frustration comes from. However, I'm equally allowed to become frustrated with her misdirecting her anger towards me while still being understanding to not take it personally.

So never assume I'm wishing ill on someone, I just found it to be an interesting observation that in her inability to exercise emotional control she was actually harming herself and completely unaware of it.

I do wish her quite well I this life and do wish that she finds the strength and the way to resolve her issues and bring herself to greater happiness.

Storming into my office and screaming at me making baseless, and somewhat projected accusations is not going to do that for her though and I do not always have to let it roll off of my back.

I do not claim to be infallible, and when she is correcting me for a legitimate error instead of imagining a reason to lay into me I accept it and correct it.

zjw

I feel ya Kallista.

I have a boss on a call said "oh what a day I need a drink who wants to get a drink after work" I almost piped up that if his job causes him to need a drink perhaps he should get a new job or go to AA or something. But its the same thing he breeds this stuff on himself. I know why? becuase i've bread the same misery on myself too so I can recognize it.

we reap what we sow its a fact.

But like you I see it through a compassionate lense. I wont lie there are times i'm like GRRR THAT GUY!! but when I see folks fall victom to there own stuff its like *sigh* sad will they learn? can I help them to see? etc..

ScottFromWI

Do you know for a fact that her emotional control issues are the source of her medical condition that effects her breathing? It could certainly be the other way around too, right?

Kallistia

But I also strongly believe good begets good and not so good begets an equal result. It's all the golden rule nonsense - treat others how you wish to be treated. Not because one does not wish to be treated that way but because one can empathize with what it must feel like to be treated that way and not want to be the one to do it to another.

zjw

I think the other side is people can be oblivious of there actions as well not even realizing what they are doing etc.. One could be more mindful or something.

Its like the sower sows but does the sower know what the sower sows does the sower care does the sower know what they will reap do they even care if they reap anything? Maybe they are just sowing to sow etc..

But they will reap whatever they sow etc.. Its like a universal law.

But in the case of scotts example or my own for that matter I could assume I should reap tons of misfortune for all my misdoings etc.. and to be honest I have. Have I reaped everythings thats due to me? probably not But I'm also not my own judge thankfully.

Holds1325

Perhaps your boss is struggling with inner demons as well and perhaps much worse than your situation.

My boss is like this sometimes, and I realize that she is going through a difficult time as well.

I don't know at the end of the day as long as I'm not callused or cold, I'll be okay. Because at times its not the people that are cold to me that are my worst enemies, it easily becomes ME thats my worst enemy.

Good luck kallistia, dealing with situations like that is difficult to take. I find that just brushing it off and venting to a friend helps and then moving on.

Kallistia

We have an office habit of suggesting other open positions to one another when we've reached our just about had enough point then things do calm down for a bit.

Currently she thinks I should be a flight attendant - she wants me on a plane in another state lol

Currently I think she should apply for judicial assistant in another county a state over

So it's not all bad I can only handle so much of...it...sheesh.

And you are correct Holds - which is why I do try and let it slide off of my back but she currently has some stressors with her husband and a medical procedure that has her acting like a cat on crack and me staring at her smiling and thinking "please just get out of my office"

biminiblue

I'm not a believer in Karma, persay. I think that can lead to too much self-blame, fear, and regret. Conversely I think it can lead to unrealistic expectations of life.

But on your story - I have a friend who is really nice to everyone but she screams non-stop at her two toddlers. I mean, it's impossible to talk to her on the phone because she's always yelling at them. When she lost her voice, I so wanted to say, "Hm, God listens to little childrens' prayers."

Dropsie

Working with lawyers is not for sissies.

Kallistia

Never had a problem working for them until this...this lady.

But the good news is she informed me yesterday that she isn't going to waste anymore time talking to me.

So we are back to her silent treatment mode which means I may actually be able to do my job in peace for a couple of days.

Kallistia

And my old employer who apparently is secretly a raging perv.

But...impending career change because I'm pretty much over this. I was over this before I even took this job but when it was offered to me the fourth time I assumed it couldn't be that bad.

That's what I get for assuming.

zjw

yeah i quit the job i have years ago. got stupid and accepted an offer back. I also assumed it'd be better this go around. and to some degree it has been but the same issues where all still there.

the upside its afforded me this and that and in my case i would have never been able to retain any other job and get sober so that parts good. but i'm ready for a change. Just hope my next job stop has the same income and i can be happier there.

Kallistia

Frankly I haven't been sleeping well because I keep having nightmares about coming to work.

I didn't even realize it until this morning but probably the last two weeks I'm waking up multiple times a night to check the time convinced I'm running late because I keep having nightmares about getting screamed at.

This too much.

zjw

you should see me on a sunday evening i feel like a little kid who starts the first day of school the following day at a new school. I dread it week after week.

right now my jobs a cakewalk tho i'm in between projects tending to various loose ends and maintaining stuff. if my job was liket his all the time i'd be happy and content. but My boss just asked whats up so i know i'll get a big project dumped on me now and i'll be stressed out and freaking out again in short order.

We need new jobs !

I'm trying to learn how to accept and cope with the one i got. been trying for years now tho not working out so well but i think i've made progress.

dealing with someone yelling at you tho is rough. That is one thing i never tolerated i'd walk of the job I always felt i had more dignity then that and i'd rather eat lima beans then allow someone to think that treading me like that is ok.

ScottFromWI

Have you considered a different job - seriously? Keep in mind that all jobs have something that sucks about them or someone that sucks to work with, but if it's affecting your health you need to seriously consider a change. Don't rule out anxiety at your end either...you may experience the same problems you describe above with any job.