heather59901

My significant other and I have been together off and on for about 5 years. We have 2 children together and 1 have 3 from a previous marriage and he has 1 from a previous relationship. About 6 weeks ago, he came back from inpatient rehab. He was there for about 2 1/2 months. Since he came back, things have been about as bad as they were when he was drinking. Let me be clear. He does help out with the kids now and does pick up around the house. However, he doesn't seem to be taking his recovery seriously. He has been smoking pot pretty much since he came home. He has also gotten drunk the past 3 Fridays (payday for him). I have encourage him to go to Celebrate Recovery (he refuses to go to AA). I have encourage him to go back to church (he has only been 2 or 3 times). But every attempt I make to help him get back on track he sees as some sort of attack or attempt by me to control him. He won't talk to me and I don't know what to do. He tells me now that he is here mostly for the kids and he has no feelings at all. I don't understand and like at said I can't get him to talk to me. Is this a normal part of recovery? And do alcoholics really have to learn how to feel without drinking? And how do I try to get him back on track in his sobriety? I am son confused and exhausted. I don't know what to do.

SparkleKitty

I'm sorry, my friend, but he is not in recovery. He is still drinking and otherwise numbing himself from dealing with life on life's terms.

He has had every opportunity to embrace recovery and chosen this instead. I wish I could give you the magic words or actions to "get him back on track with his sobriety" but they do not exist. He needs to want it for himself, and until he does, you have an active addict in your house.

The real question is, what are your boundaries? Is it okay to live with someone who has told you flat out that he has no feelings for you? I'm sorry you are going through this. You are not alone. There are lots of folks in the Friends & Family of Alcoholics forum who understand where you are and have been there ourselves.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

zjw

sounds like he probably has feelings and such but would prefer to drink. etc..

Carver

Hi,

No, if you're serious about recovery, you don't drink. Not on weekends, your birthday, Christmas, or the end of the world. He's not trying. Drinking at the weekends is just a precursor to resuming the way he used to drink.

Relationship advice, I can't give you...I'm clueless in that area!

I'm sorry you're having problems. There's always a friendly shoulder to cry on here