zjw

this morning my 3 year old screaming at me for his show after screaming at me for all the other things he wants. my almost 2 year old screaming at me for what he wants I'm half awake they are also fighting over toys I'm just trying to get there breakfast ready etc.. but being pulled in diff directions.

I sit down to have some of my smoothie there both now screaming in my face then there is the thought. "good god I should just start drinking again"

man i hate that. its like there is somehting inside me that just wants me to throw me back into some pit.

Midton

Know the feeling.

I'm presently having problems when people post about relapsing. My honest, gut reaction is I'm jealous (obviously I ignore their tales of woe that accompany it)

LikeAFish

Please don't do it. What good would it actually do? It wouldn't make them want any less or scream quietly. I'm sure you that.

Drinking is like learning to ride a bike. You can't ride the bike. You use stabilisers (drink) to let you ride a bike.
Until you take them off the next day and realise you still can't ride a bike. You never will if you don't get rid of them (it)
Make it on your own, time and patience and lots of practice.
It made sense to me anyway lol

zjw

yeah I hate to admit it but i've thought the same too. LIke oh man thats awesome you relapsed!!! then I think I wonder if i could relapse and then straighten my act up and go back to sobriety.... ::facepalm::

The insanity of this way of thinking!!

I wont relapse. but its like sitting there alone with the 2 screaming treasures tired thinking about the long day ahead of me etc... like ugg not again *sigh*

I gotta perk up tho I'm gonna go for a run soon I know that'll help.

Dee74

Thoughts are thoughts - we don't have to act on them - in fact it would be madness if we did.

The jealousy thoughts are another example.

The measure of recovery for me is not in what we might think but how we respond to those thoughts.

Hope the rest of the weekend is less stressful for you zjw - and hope it's good for you too Midton

D

Midton

I'm doing fine Dee. It's almost 10 pm and I'm on my 5th litre of water. Dealing with cravings but I ain't caving. This is a big chance for me.

FeelingGreat

zjw, you have given yourself and us an insight on what triggers you, and like many people, it's stress.
What can you do to make the mornings go more smoothly? Can you get things ready the night before? Maybe teach the kids to ask quietly? Get up a little earlier so you can shower and dress? (I'm throwing some ideas around here; you'll know which are good, and have many of your own).
The AV strikes when we're most vulnerable. Try to get some control of your mornings, or evenings and you'll feel much better.

zjw

I think your right feeling great it seems mornings are tough evenings to a degree too but mornings I wake up tired mad I couldn't get enough sleep. It's a struggle to fall asleep this morning I thought the solution would be to be able to sleep in as needed but tell my wife, kids or employer that. I'll think of something

NestWasEmpty

That's a huge stressor when little ones get acting up . Wish I could help there . I didn't drink whilst my kids were younger , I can't imagine how it would be !!
I just agreed to watch two ages 2 -4 I found , changing to different things fast to snap them out of it works . Something like did you see that bird outside ? Or I lost such & such can you look for it . The old game find the Button - or object - hide & seek .. Let them hide for awhile LOL
As for reading others relapse's , if you go back after they have .. it's not a pretty picture Regrets can eat you up .......

Venecia

Some good feedback from NestWasEmpty.

The stressors in our lives really can get to us. We all have them.

The only thing alcohol can do -- and do so dependably well -- is make everything completely worse.

strategery

I can think of one thing that is worse, going through what you're going through right now with your small kids and being hungover.

By being sober, you're able to handle it much better and be a better dad to your kids.

Bird615

I did relapse after 60 days on here a few years ago, and a big trigger then was the all the other relapses, especially in my class. I'm not blaming anyone else for what I did, and this time I'm not having the same problem, so maybe I just wasn't ready. Also my approach is a little different since I came back.

I thought Nest's ideas were good, too. Bottom line, that situation would definitely give me those same thoughts, so it would be taking care of my sobriety to try and find some kind of workable solution. You're doing great and you'll figure it out!

Mountainmanbob

that moment you think I should just start drinking again *sigh*


Many years ago now, I went to that place a few times.
I learned that if I entertain those thoughts for long
I will drink yet again.
Yes, I can talk myself into doing most anything.
The only one I need to keep an eye on is the one looking back in the mirror.
A fool is one who fools them self.

MM

sleepie

Hi zjw sorry the kids are driving you nuts...
Hope your day will go better.
No kids but baby sat for years... curious how old are they all?

zjw

i got just under 2 on up to 14.

Autumnlover19

I hear you zjw. I'm having a similar day. Angry at my BF because I always get up with our little one at night and in the morning. He's 5 months old. Then I'm trying to paint the kitchen, and I run to the store for supplies, with our LO cuz BF is sleeping, and when I get home, I see my BF has taken his other LO for the day! (We have his 2 other boys every other weekend, and this is not our weekend to have them.)

Just about lost it. I'm feeling full of resentments today, but still sober.

Thanks for this thread and thanks for letting me vent. Hope your day gets better!

Hevyn

zjw - I'm so glad you posted your thoughts & feelings. You're never alone. As you already know, getting numb doesn't help a thing. It just adds to our anxiety. Once I realized that, I was ok. It is hard to change our ways - but we're doing it.

sleepie

Well rounded bunch zjw!

Carver

I used to use the old distraction thing on my daughter, I'd forgotten about that. Works a treat

Mountainmanbob

Resentment they say
is the alcoholics #1 offender.
MM