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Procrastination

Old 10-20-2015, 11:51 PM
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Fantail -- sounds great -- I am so jealous. And we all love your birdie namesakes -- adorable.

I had a huge giggle on the 40 percent at 150 percent and the rest at zero -- so true. And I always tell my eldest just start writing, but me, not so much...

Ok, so the funny thing is that our filing was due on Friday and the other side asked for an extension until Monday, and we said OK.

Then on Monday at 4PM they asked for a second extension, and we said OK.

So we finally filed yesterday looking good, but got four extra days.

Funny when the shoe is on the other foot.

We got it done, still pushed it until the end (goes without saying) but done.

Now I have to pick up the pieces on everything else that did not get down during the big push. Always something.

But I did think last night after we sent the document and I was already off worrying about the 100 other things on my plate, why don't I ever take the time to pat myself on the bat before heading off into worry land.

Even having that thought is new and a good thing.
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Old 10-21-2015, 10:42 AM
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Procrastination.....The culprit? My analysis paralysis! I think about things so much and can't make up my mind that not much gets done. On the other hand I can be very impulsive and make some bad decisions. I'm hoping to find some balance.
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Old 10-24-2015, 02:24 AM
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I know what you mean, Dropsie. I tend to focus on what I haven't done and forget about the things I have accomplished. It's good to notice these subtle changes too - Rome wasn't built in a day, eh?

I'm terribly impulsive too - dangerously so, especially when I'm 'mixed' with alcohol. I wonder if there's any connection between impulsiveness and procrastination, as well as perfectionism(?) It's like we've got faulty dials of some sort. Either turned up way too far or not turned on at all.
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Old 10-24-2015, 11:27 AM
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Oldsoul -- sounds like we have a lot in common. I get paralyzed by over-thinking options, too, and then wear myself out until I make a sudden decision. Sometimes it's a good one, sometimes not.

Dropsie, interesting that you mention going immediately into worry. I noticed last week after my big presentation (which went great, by the way!! yay!) that afterwards I just felt sad. It made me start to wonder if I maybe procrastinate because I thrive on stress? My father grew up in an abusive home and he was telling me how that often leads to people who function best in high-pressure, stressful and unpredictable situations. My family was wonderful, but my sister is developmentally disabled and as a child she was violent and had a terrible temper. As a result I'm also pretty awesome under intense conditions. I recognize this about myself in my travel patterns... I've moved 16 times in 15 years, often out of the country, and tend to be at my best when I'm figuring out a new place. Once I'm established I get bored and self-destructive. I wonder if I'm doing the same thing with my work patterns without realizing it.
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Old 10-25-2015, 04:35 AM
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Welcome oldsoul -- you nailed it, worry, delay, panic, jump, regret, repeat -- sound like something else we do....

Fantail, So glad your presentation went well -- mine too, but I was forced to be prepared by the moderator and I noticed how much calmer I was. I could enjoy it. Nice feeling.

I love the faulty dials Shabs. Mine is definitely off. I was in Twickenham yesterday -- did not see the game, but it must have been great -- my only mixed loyalty is SA so now that they are out, its all NZ for me.

I have a big week work wise, which will force me to be productive on that, but my goal is to also get my bills out do they actually pay me. Now that is a wild and crazy idea.
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Old 10-26-2015, 01:01 AM
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Really glad your presentations went well guys :-) I don't check if people pay me or not - I am *useless* with money. Dropsie, I just realised I don't know what nationality you are.....?
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Old 10-26-2015, 04:57 AM
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Excellent question Shabs -- transplanted American living in northern Europe for more than half my life, so I ma never sure...
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Old 10-26-2015, 07:14 PM
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That's a goal of mine, Dropsie... I have two German grandparents so based on their current laws, if I can pass a test proving basic fluency in German I can become a citizen. I took a semester a few years ago and just ordered a couple of study books! Someday, maybe, I can be transatlantic.
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Old 10-28-2015, 06:50 PM
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Last night was my next step, really big deal presentation. They loved it! This was the Board of Directors, so a lot of these people are VIPs at organizations that I would *love* to work with. So relieved. Once again I managed to pull it off while still majorly procrastinating. I know this is reinforcing bad habits, but I'm so thankful I didn't blow my first big opportunity since sobriety.
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Old 10-28-2015, 08:02 PM
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That is brilliant, Fantail!!! I bet you are excellent at what you do.

Was it you who mentioned we work best under stress due to our stressful upbringings? I thought there was something in that......
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Old 10-29-2015, 01:16 AM
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Fantail,

Great news. Was really weird for me to go straight and do my last presentation really prepared and on time. Kind of felt like cheating in a weird way.

I think it all ties into my need to justify my existence, always have to work harder, do better, wait later, etc.

Where does that **** come from me asks? But my therapist would say, does not matter -- real question is do you need it anymore, and maybe some days, some moments, I even feel I don't.

My house growing up was stressful, so need to think on that one. I also think that I don't ever want to be better than anyone, so starting late evens the playing field.

Okay so lets admit, Drops is one weird cookie.
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Old 10-29-2015, 02:03 AM
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One weird cookie we're extremely fond of :-)
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Old 10-30-2015, 05:46 AM
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Shabs,

You are too nice, how is you today?

XX
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Old 11-08-2015, 03:16 PM
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Hi!! How are you, fellow procrastinators?

I've been totally exhausted. Not sure if it's the new physical work or something bigger... I have lost 5 pounds in the last 2.5 weeks so I know my body's definitely still adjusting to the work. Hopefully that's all it is. Either way I'll be seeing the doc soon.

Anyway so I've not been around as much but I've also not been at AA, so I'm trying to bump up participation in both.

Procrastination has only been made harder by the fatigue. I do force myself to work a lot, but then I procrastinate within the project... skipping over tedious things and spending way too much time on individual details.
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Old 11-08-2015, 03:23 PM
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Whoops - it's not like me to miss a post. Sorry Dropsie!

Hi Fantail. I have been doing very well with some stuff and not so good with other stuff. Fatigue definitely makes it hard to get motivated and get onto things, for sure. Staying hydrated helps, I've found, when I do it.

I spent 10 hours working outside yesterday and am shattered today with lots of blisters. Have to go into work soon. That's going to be hard.

How are you going, Dropsie?
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Old 02-15-2016, 06:24 AM
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Hello my friends, long time.

This is something I posted somewhere else, but thought I would copy it here.

For what its worth, heres what I think after having studied this problem and addiction for many years.

IMO true procrastination and true addiction from the same place in our pysche. The place of avoidance/passivity.

Its a reaction to that mean voice in our head telling us we are helpless, or too lazy, or too stupid. Instead of telling it to go to h$ll we try to negotiate, appease, regain control.

This debate between our inner bully and our inner masochist/passive reaches a stale mate and we do nothing because whatever the pain it is that we are avoiding is worse than the pain we are causing ourself through procrastination. Or maybe because we are comfortable in our pain on an unconscious level.

I have been having a really painful spell of procrastination and what I have found helpful is to try and do whatever I need to do with kindness for myself instead of hatred. If I can shut the inner critic up I can get the thing done.

But what happens to me and to most people is the minute they start to do something they hate, or is late, the inner critic has a field day and it becomes such a painful experience that they stop. But if before hand you can say I am going to spend an hour doing this even though I don't like to in the kindest way possible and afterwards I am going to have a nice treat it helps shut the critic down.

For me, its much like shutting the AV up when he comes to call. Personally I have a bully voice, a boozer voice, and a pleaser voice, all of which Drops the grownup has to nicely tell that she is the new CEO and has decided with the new chairman of the board that their services are no longer needed. We are not consulting with them anymore, fired, no notice, get out. They had their chance running things for 5 decades and now we are going to give it a shot.

Sounds nutty I know, but try it.

CEO: I have to pay my bills. I will pay them now.
Bully: But you should have paid them weeks ago you irresponsible person -- who can you ever expect to run your practice if you cant even pay your bills on time.
Pleaser: But I tried to pay them but I didn't have enough cash so it made me nervous, you can see why I didn't pay them.
Bully: of course you don't have enough money cause you screwed up your life.
Etc. Etc.

OR

CEO: I have to pay my bills. I will pay them now. I will take one hour to pay them and then I am going to call my BFF and have a good chat and a coffee.
Bully: But you should have paid them weeks ago you irresponsible person -- how can you ever expect to run your practice if you cant even pay your bills on time.
CEO: Thats silly, no-one pays their bills on time. Now what do i want in my coffee later when all this is done.

Practice putting yourself in charge and being kind to yourself. it works. sometimes.

And I also think playing the tape forward works sometimes.

So, I tell myself that I am going to do whatever make the future Dropsie happy. What is that??

usually its not sitting on my ass stewing, but if it is, then I do it. If not, i do what will, which is usually doing whatever it is I am avoiding. Again, it works sometimes.

The most important thing about procrastination is that like addiction its not a question of being lazy, or undisciplined. Its a deep seated psychological reaction to trauma. I also think that with alcohol at some point our brain changes and it becomes a disease because it changes the way our brain processes alcohol and other things, but it started out as a reaction to something that we could not handle. Ditto re deep seated procrastination -- IMO, for what its worth.

What ya think fellow travellers??
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Old 02-15-2016, 07:43 PM
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Well, first, I think you're a wonderful human being :-)

Second, I think you're right about procrastination being related to trauma. When you say that it started as a "reaction to something we could not handle", do you mean life? Like in a sense, we are procrastinating engaging with our lives because as children it was all too much?

Avoidance and passivity - absolutely, and along with that comes the anxiety/fear associated with 'running away from' rather than 'charging at' things. Noticed that? As soon as you start taking steps forward the anxiety all but evaporates? Hmmm...what about procrastination as a form of learned helplessness? I remember the neighbours having a HUGE barney once. In the middle of it I realised I'd been transfixed to one spot for about 5 minutes. Motionless and afraid.

When I think about it, procrastinating over doing the things I need to do is a real disavowal of myself as a person. Would it have been threatening or dangerous to avow myself as a person when I was a child? Damn straight it would have been. This is why I've been a people-pleaser in my life too, but when sorely provoked get filled with an ungodly rage.

No, yes, you're on to something here, Drops. I do believe it's associated with trauma, and I'm going to try a little kindness.
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Old 02-16-2016, 11:45 PM
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TS,

Good to hear from you.

I think its all of the above. Like drinking. Other than the brain changes, for me, they perform the same function.

Come to think of it, that is probably why I am having such a hard time now that I am not drinking.

How are things down under??
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Old 02-17-2016, 12:22 AM
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At the moment, windy, wet, and wild in Auckland. We needed some rain. It's been a long, dry but humid summer.

Yes, I was just saying tonight there's a rebelliousness to my procrastination that has been a huge factor in my drinking too. If I feel compelled to d or not do something I automatically want to do the opposite. Maybe it was the harsh, authoritarian parenting. I have an aversion to things that make me feel like I'm 'doing as I'm told'.
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Old 08-29-2017, 11:43 PM
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How is everyone??

My news is that I had open heart surgery -- lucky I did not procrastinate on that!

Feel great, better than ever.

XXX
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