Dealing with Fear
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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Dealing with Fear
Gonzo posted in another thread about fear...it's so important a topic I thought it could use its own thread
Fear was always a major trigger for me.
I was always tying myself in knots over things that hadn't happened yet (and in most cases did not turn out to be as bad as I feared).
It took a while for me to change - change is a process after all - but I learned to 'live in the day'...what that means to me is doing as much as I can about a particular problem or situation...and then I let the rest go, knowing I've done all I can.
With your financial situation it's difficult to know what might help without knowing any details.
In general though, doing what I can about finances means if I have creditors and I have bills I cannot pay, I approach them as early as possible about a payment plan.
I make a budget (there are many free websites to help you do this).
I try to change my perspective from fear - 'OMG I have so many debts' - to gratitude 'I have a roof over my head, I have enough to eat, I have electricity and water, I have enough creature comforts...etc etc'
I spent my drinking years living in fear, I didn't get sober to continue living that way
I'm interested to hear what other ways people have for successfully dealing with fear?
D
Originally Posted by gonzo51511 
Any good strategys on dealing with fear in particular.. or any advice? Facing some probable financial difficulties
I was always tying myself in knots over things that hadn't happened yet (and in most cases did not turn out to be as bad as I feared).
It took a while for me to change - change is a process after all - but I learned to 'live in the day'...what that means to me is doing as much as I can about a particular problem or situation...and then I let the rest go, knowing I've done all I can.
With your financial situation it's difficult to know what might help without knowing any details.
In general though, doing what I can about finances means if I have creditors and I have bills I cannot pay, I approach them as early as possible about a payment plan.
I make a budget (there are many free websites to help you do this).
I try to change my perspective from fear - 'OMG I have so many debts' - to gratitude 'I have a roof over my head, I have enough to eat, I have electricity and water, I have enough creature comforts...etc etc'
I spent my drinking years living in fear, I didn't get sober to continue living that way
I'm interested to hear what other ways people have for successfully dealing with fear?
D
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
For too long I interoperated fear as F everything and run.
Then after plugging the jug it was suggested grow up and face my fears which usually ended up to be minor if I paid attention.
A large part of my life is when I KISS.
BE WELL
Then after plugging the jug it was suggested grow up and face my fears which usually ended up to be minor if I paid attention.
A large part of my life is when I KISS.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 287
Thank you d for picking this up.. im in no direct danger.. probably not as bad as i make everything to be in my mind.. but i cant help but to look ahead.. im early in sobriety but may be losing a big part of income and wont be able to get it back.. in that line of work anyways.. my main fear is i havent a clue what im going to do (for a new line of work) ive been doing my job for a long time and i dont have a sparkling past (criminal record) ive got myself all worked up that even if i somehow get some kinda degree it will be hard to get hired due to my record.. i know its crazy and focus on today and my recovery but urghhh!!# i cant shut off my brain.. i do try so hard to be grateful for what i still have but my whole world is flushed down the toilet.. sorry to rant and this is so long...
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
Fear can be a good thing and a bad thing, it can help to keep us safe.
Fear is what got me sober, ironically it also kept me drinking! .
Somehow we have to ok with the unknown and not fear it.
Fear can stop us from reaching our potential.
I think I need to address my fears...my fears are mostly based around family health and their welfare...it cripples me and I need to learn more skills in being ok when things are out of my hands.
Fear is what got me sober, ironically it also kept me drinking! .
Somehow we have to ok with the unknown and not fear it.
Fear can stop us from reaching our potential.
I think I need to address my fears...my fears are mostly based around family health and their welfare...it cripples me and I need to learn more skills in being ok when things are out of my hands.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I spent my drinking years living in fear, I didn't get sober to continue living that way
I try to remind myself that lifes gonna move forward one way or another. I look back in my life too and i'm like i always made it I always pulled through some how. it always worked out somehow and if it didnt it was usually good it didnt.
Sometimes i got not much to cling too but that life will move forward. and I'm grateful for that becuase i'm like well lifes gonna move forward that means i wont be stuck in this situation forever it will change and hopefully get better too.
but yeah it can be difficult at times. and in early sobriety oh yea its hard to stop the brain from playing those horrid what if scenarios that never get ya anywhere.
Woe is Moo.
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
I has regret and grief over past, pain and suffering in present, and fear and ennui about future. Is not so much about great unknown of: what gonna become of me! It more fear of, Jesus God, if I actual does this sober thing, finally, is there really gonna be life on other side? AND, is that life gonna be enough to make up for all I lost. AND cuz, of course it not, will I still choose it over my addictions.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Courage is fear that has said its prayers. Fear can be a useful survival tool and is a natural gift. But the type of fear that permeates the life of the still suffering alcoholic is crippling and illogical. I was frightened of my own shadow. Almost everything brought out fear. I was even frightened of people who cared about me, though I can't think why.
I have learned I can waste an awful lot of time and energy on fear that doesn't make sense. For one thing, whatever it is I fear, is not happening at the moment. If it happens, I deal with it and the fear moves on to something else.
With my current lifestyle I can fear falling off the boat. If I fall off the boat, I no longer fear falling off, I battle to survive and I now fear drowning.
A fear of heights was once removed from me. I dreaded going up the mast. I went to this meditation group, just to see what it was all about, and during meditation A voice told me "there is nothing to fear". A week or two later I had to climb the mast several times. I realised I had lost my fear of heights. Prayer and meditation seem to be a great help in overcoming those irrational fears.
I have learned I can waste an awful lot of time and energy on fear that doesn't make sense. For one thing, whatever it is I fear, is not happening at the moment. If it happens, I deal with it and the fear moves on to something else.
With my current lifestyle I can fear falling off the boat. If I fall off the boat, I no longer fear falling off, I battle to survive and I now fear drowning.
A fear of heights was once removed from me. I dreaded going up the mast. I went to this meditation group, just to see what it was all about, and during meditation A voice told me "there is nothing to fear". A week or two later I had to climb the mast several times. I realised I had lost my fear of heights. Prayer and meditation seem to be a great help in overcoming those irrational fears.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Midwest
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Wow great thread. Fear what a topic. It can mean so many different things to people.
I associate fear of things to happen by acting or not acting in an appropriate way. As if I have control through my actions. In the vast majority of situations I have no control. I wish things would just work out the way I want them to. The fear is when they don't work out that way. Which is often because i can not control these things.
So the fear of outcomes is real and irrational. I know this is not rational but similar to drinking i keep posioning myself with more fear. This has detrimental effects in health mental and physical. So why do I feed off fear even in sobriety? A question I really don't feel qualified enough to answer. Maybe someone else can.
I associate fear of things to happen by acting or not acting in an appropriate way. As if I have control through my actions. In the vast majority of situations I have no control. I wish things would just work out the way I want them to. The fear is when they don't work out that way. Which is often because i can not control these things.
So the fear of outcomes is real and irrational. I know this is not rational but similar to drinking i keep posioning myself with more fear. This has detrimental effects in health mental and physical. So why do I feed off fear even in sobriety? A question I really don't feel qualified enough to answer. Maybe someone else can.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 873
Originally Posted by Dee74
I try to change my perspective from fear - 'OMG I have so many debts' - to gratitude 'I have a roof over my head, I have enough to eat, I have electricity and water, I have enough creature comforts...etc etc'
That's a great way to live life Dee.
Great post overall but that part really stands out.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 873
I always tried to think back on that line from Dune, "fear is the mind killer."
Unfortunately, too often I'd say it without living it. I would (and still do) let anxiety freeze my mind into inaction, making small decisions and routine tasks harder to accomplish. Even with emails for work, my automatic assumption would be that the content is negative, critical, or inflammatory and therefore I didn't want to open them. At my low point I'd wait a week before answering emails and then just do them all in one long day. People would be understandably pissed and worried, and I'm still trying to recover some of that trust.
Most of that is independent of alcoholism, but what the alcohol did was allow me to burrow further away from the reality by dulling my senses and making it easier to shut out the worry (at least on the surface, deep down the worry never went away).
So how do I deal with that today? Good question. These past few weeks of not drinking have helped me start to see things a bit more clearly. But other than that I really don't know.
Like "fear is the mind killer," there are a lot of philosophies and ideas that I know I should be trying to incorporate into life. Just gotta keep working on that from here on out.
Unfortunately, too often I'd say it without living it. I would (and still do) let anxiety freeze my mind into inaction, making small decisions and routine tasks harder to accomplish. Even with emails for work, my automatic assumption would be that the content is negative, critical, or inflammatory and therefore I didn't want to open them. At my low point I'd wait a week before answering emails and then just do them all in one long day. People would be understandably pissed and worried, and I'm still trying to recover some of that trust.
Most of that is independent of alcoholism, but what the alcohol did was allow me to burrow further away from the reality by dulling my senses and making it easier to shut out the worry (at least on the surface, deep down the worry never went away).
So how do I deal with that today? Good question. These past few weeks of not drinking have helped me start to see things a bit more clearly. But other than that I really don't know.
Like "fear is the mind killer," there are a lot of philosophies and ideas that I know I should be trying to incorporate into life. Just gotta keep working on that from here on out.
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I think there are various phases to this journey.
Number one phase is obviously stop drinking/using. but there's a whole lot of phases after that that come under the umbrella of 'living a happy life, sober'...
Dealing with fear took me a while - I was scared of a lot of things.
I think the key is to be patient and not miss the journey trying to get to the destination at breakneck speed.
you'll get there reset
D
Number one phase is obviously stop drinking/using. but there's a whole lot of phases after that that come under the umbrella of 'living a happy life, sober'...
Dealing with fear took me a while - I was scared of a lot of things.
I think the key is to be patient and not miss the journey trying to get to the destination at breakneck speed.
you'll get there reset
D
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
Posts: 2,548
Dee....your second to last post....are you saying that (subconsciously) we may respond with fear because that will provide an excuse to then drink, so to speak? That is a really intriguing idea....unless I've misread you.
Into the Void
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: California
Posts: 931
I try to keep fear in historical and biological perspective. Fear is one of the strongest and most primal emotions because it is part of the limbic system or "lizard brain" we all have. It appears we have more than one set of circuits going in our brains at all times. The limbic system can normally trump our rational thinking and is responsible for most of our largest lapses in judgment relating to anger, aggression, fear, sex, etc.
The thing to remember is that this system and the emotion of fear were very well adapted to when we lived in packs on the African savannah as early humans. It is, however, quite poorly suited for modern life. Back then, humans, like most other animals, were constantly at risk of being eaten by predators. A few screams from the other members of the pack would have everyone running in fear to get away from the danger. Fear needed to be an incredibly strong instinct to make sure people were properly motivated and energized to flee. In such a scenario, it truly does not pay to sit and weigh the pros and cons of running or staying put. By the time you think about it and look around, the tiger will be eating you.
Now in the modern world, there are very few situations which call for such an emotion. While fear does help keep us from doing dangerous things, the emotion has become inappropriate in most situations. Do we really need to fear the telephone when the boss calls? When the stock market is down? That people will disapprove of us? Back in ancient times, being cast out from the group could mean starvation and death, as well as being cut off from all other goodies, hence the basis of social anxiety. Now with abundant food and modern social welfare programs, nobody starves in the first world, not even the most loathed criminals. Of course, it still pays to be popular, but the downside is no longer a matter of life and death.
So we are left with this emotion of fear that is a relic of our caveman days and poorly adapted to modern life. What can we do except to try and recognize irrational fear when it occurs and try to counteract it? I try to keep in mind that before modern times, the normal human life expectancy was about 25 years, so for most of us the rest of our time here is gravy. People were constantly at risk of being eaten by animals, killed or enslaved by neighboring groups, murder was widespread and life was short without any modern medicine, dentistry or plumbing. In fact, the poorest person living on public assistance in the first world today has a living standard and life expectancy way beyond those enjoyed by any elites throughout most of human history.
The thing to remember is that this system and the emotion of fear were very well adapted to when we lived in packs on the African savannah as early humans. It is, however, quite poorly suited for modern life. Back then, humans, like most other animals, were constantly at risk of being eaten by predators. A few screams from the other members of the pack would have everyone running in fear to get away from the danger. Fear needed to be an incredibly strong instinct to make sure people were properly motivated and energized to flee. In such a scenario, it truly does not pay to sit and weigh the pros and cons of running or staying put. By the time you think about it and look around, the tiger will be eating you.
Now in the modern world, there are very few situations which call for such an emotion. While fear does help keep us from doing dangerous things, the emotion has become inappropriate in most situations. Do we really need to fear the telephone when the boss calls? When the stock market is down? That people will disapprove of us? Back in ancient times, being cast out from the group could mean starvation and death, as well as being cut off from all other goodies, hence the basis of social anxiety. Now with abundant food and modern social welfare programs, nobody starves in the first world, not even the most loathed criminals. Of course, it still pays to be popular, but the downside is no longer a matter of life and death.
So we are left with this emotion of fear that is a relic of our caveman days and poorly adapted to modern life. What can we do except to try and recognize irrational fear when it occurs and try to counteract it? I try to keep in mind that before modern times, the normal human life expectancy was about 25 years, so for most of us the rest of our time here is gravy. People were constantly at risk of being eaten by animals, killed or enslaved by neighboring groups, murder was widespread and life was short without any modern medicine, dentistry or plumbing. In fact, the poorest person living on public assistance in the first world today has a living standard and life expectancy way beyond those enjoyed by any elites throughout most of human history.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
oWhen I got sober I chose to give Mrs sw any money every time I still do this
I had a couple of grand debt which sent me into a devastating panic attack which left me shaking I couldn't run from it & it wasn't going to go away so I rang up and agreed to make payments which I'm still making today the debt shrinks every month the calls about taking me to court & baillifts stopped
This is an excellent thread D
I had a couple of grand debt which sent me into a devastating panic attack which left me shaking I couldn't run from it & it wasn't going to go away so I rang up and agreed to make payments which I'm still making today the debt shrinks every month the calls about taking me to court & baillifts stopped
This is an excellent thread D
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Midwest
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Yes i agree that 99.9% of my daily situations are nonlife threatening at all. I still let fear of money, work stress, home stress and life in general scare the crap out of me. There is a good book emotion intelligence that talks about being unable to make rational decisions while the lizard brain is going off.
For true life changes i wonder if cognitive therapy would be the best. Everytime fear comes in stop and write it down and really think it over.
My boss called. The sitation feels uncomfortable but not life threatening.
I relate drinking to numbing a lot these uncomfortable annoyances. I can adapt and live through better with meditation and exercise.
For true life changes i wonder if cognitive therapy would be the best. Everytime fear comes in stop and write it down and really think it over.
My boss called. The sitation feels uncomfortable but not life threatening.
I relate drinking to numbing a lot these uncomfortable annoyances. I can adapt and live through better with meditation and exercise.
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