sleepie

It's really hard for me to befriend the right people, and I attribute this to being LD. If I happen to make friends with people a bit higher on the societal ladder, I can't keep up- financially or otherwise. The activities they participate in are just too much and it makes my head spin, I am almost a shut in lately too and find myself disliking most people very much. I went for years when I was younger with just having been on sort of the outskirts of some groups of people, and I never had female friends, when I did it would kind of fall apart, I don't know why, I just suck at having friends. I was I am going back to my old ways before drinking which was being a shut in besides work and just reading and listening to music and being very lonely except for the company of my boyfriend. I don't know if it's a good thing but after living a little longer and having been drunk for a long time I am kind of resigning myself to not dealing with people if I don't have to. Like I am becoming afraid of the world again. This social anxiety I used to feel is really rearing it's head in a huge way and I don't want to fight it.

Good or bad? Thoughts?

While I was drinking I was a bit less this way.

trachemys

I'd like to think you're ascribing maturing with anxiety as I have no friends anymore, either. All my "friends" were drinking friends and I slowly left them as I got older. I'm sociable at work, not after. I spend quality time with my parents and sisters as they have stuck by me and help change my life. I have contacts here and one one other hobby forum. That's enough for now.

FLCamper

Three years ago, I was tired of all my crazy anxiety and phobias. So I decided to face my fears: elevators, airplanes, certain social situations, public speaking, going for a physical, etc. I made myself do all those things. When I was tempted to take the stairs or to some OCD behavior (like check the locks or double check whether the iron was unplugged. Again) I stopped myself.
It's been liberating. My anxiety has almost completely disappeared.
I'm most grateful for being able to enjoy social situations. I know that seems silly but just joining a group for dinner used to make my heart pound!

zjw

No local friends here either most of the time it doesn't get to me. I find there are a lot of lonely people out there like me posting on a board trying to socialize the best route I can at the moment. It is what it is sometimes it saddens me like if I need help with something I don't have anyone I can call. I have a friend from here for example I needed a regulated hose for a grill he said it's a shame we don't live closer I have a spare I'd give you I was reminded again yeah it's a shame I have no local friends. I have a lot of socialization issues as well too so it's not like there is no one part of the issue is indeed me but it's slim pickings to so that doesn't help my odds.

I just try not to dwell on it. It helps I'm an introvert too.

zjw

I ve tried that sort of thing myself and didn't have the same luck

120degrees0ut

Man...i moved to a new state 3 yrs ago. i live in the middle of an empty desert. i have not one friend here. but how can i meet people in empty desert in the first and last place?? All anxiety Sux! I dont see social anxiety as that much of a bad thing...cuz ive had so called friends in past that stabbed me in the back, etc. A true friend really is hard to find. Just concentrate on yourself now Sleepie. It sounds like youre feeling a teeny bit better today? Your work and your man should keep u busy enuf. plus u getting well. Thats what i do in my sparetime, read, music, i like art. I really dont even care that i dont have a friend here. i have more than enuf things to keep me busy everyday. think of it that way Sleeps!

happybeingme

I have never found success in trying to join a group of established friends. The dynamic is too complex. I am an introvert as well so dealing with too many people at once stresses me out.

When looking back on my life I realized that the last time I had a friend who accepted me for exactly who I am with no expectations was when I was 12. Since then I have always drifted from one group or individual to the next. It doesn't help that I am 43, married, and have two adult kids. Others my age just don't have that. So, when I make a friend they tend to be about 10 years older than me. So, that has other dynamics.

When I get lonely for human contact I make myself got out and smile at people, make eye contact, engage in idle chitchat

soupcon

Have you ever tried an ssri, an antidepressant for anxiety and depression?

Aellyce

I don't think there is such a thing as good or bad about this on an objective scale. If it makes you feel conflicted and uncomfortable, then it's probably something to work on. I have a sort of dichotomy in this area as well: I'm more on the introverted side of the scale but at the same time really need quality human connection and interaction to be satisfied in life and I have a pattern to seek out things that are not good for me and often excessive when my life is lacking this desired social element. What works for me is to do it with people who either have similar boundaries to myself or are able to accept mine more or less as they are. In practice, it's basically having a couple close friends for the kinds of deeper and meaningful interactions that I like, including my partner who has the same needs but is absolutely non-intrusive and has social life and many interests on his own. I also much prefer socializing one-on-one, but am happy with groups where our share interests bring and bind us together. For me what I enjoy best with people is conversation, and that does not have to cost much or even anything really. There is always a lot to talk about even when the topics are not based on shared experiences.

Have you tried initiating social activities that you like and can afford?

Soberwolf

First off I'm glad we're all friends & I'm grateful for each & every one of you

Sleepie I suffer with depression and anxiety & I'm taking it slow the changes are becoming better & better I started off with a few of my favourite songs a pair of headphones and started walking slowly increasing it over time I think I see the world better when I have music on like for instance I'm listening to Tycho's 'Adrift' and it feels good even posting with music

Today I done a 5+ mile walk or 8+km and my feet are a lil sore but the suntan on my legs and arms the weight loss improved strenght & fitness Mrs sw is happy saying she's impressed today she joined me & the pooch : )

Just as I'm finishing this msg its fitting the song playing in my headphones is Vance Joy 'Riptide' FlicFlac remix

sleepie

Hi guys.
I tried some SSRI once but not only did I gain 30 pounds (I've since lost 40 and my body will never be the same very disappointing at my age I just don't bounce back, sags everywhere, it SUCKS and does not help depression to have a crappy body after weigh loss)

But also I have a neurological disorder that is aggravated by SSRI's and I have very bad tics. The whole situation with benzos began when years ago on wellbutrin I was having tics. I thought it was all in my head and then my Dr told me yes, this is actually aggravated by SSRI's... he then prescribed clonazapem and so began the road to benzo addiction.

Hawkeye13

I don't have any friends either sleepie--dropped away over time as I grew up in a college town and they graduated and moved.

Later, I gave up "the usual suspects" because they were all drunks and drinking is what we did when together,
and I didn't find it interesting to be sober among the inebriated.

One thing I have noticed here is that many people my age now help out at the no kill dog shelter,
or with the boys and girls club, or the homeless shelter, and they seem to have established
some really nice long-term relationships with other people who help out.

Not only that, they feel good about helping locally to make things better.
Why not try something along those lines?

Tc4ever

When you always play the victim you'll always be the victim....for me the first step is i wanted to be better and to do that i had to quit blaming everybody else and look in the mirror and take responsibility for me.......

Soberwolf

Have a nice week ahead

Carlotta

I have tons of "friends" but I only can count on the fingers of one hand those who will have my back through thick and thin and I don't think I am unique in that respect. One thing I have been working on and is part of my personal recovery process is becoming my own best friend.

As far as social anxiety and $$ for activities go, why not think of something you would like to do and is not expensive (like meditation, learning the tarot, book club, writing or whatever...) and take a class or join a "meet up"?
You will be more likely to meet like minded individuals.

Another thing which has been important for me is volunteering. I have volunteered for years now at the local food bank and it' s like gratitude in action.
If I feel a bit bummed that I cannot afford such and such; it's a good reminder for me that there are people in this country who are my neighbors and are far worst off than I am.

I am not saying that being of service is a cure for anxiety and depression but it's a good way to get a different perspective on life and materialism and also a good way to meet some really nice people along the way.

davaidavai

I remember when I was a kid observing the disingenuity of adult friendships. Then my mother always made a huge deal of being friendless. My father, someone who tends toward narcissism, filled my head with a bunch of crazy ideas about the world that he himself did not believe, we're more designed to be a reflection or explication of his own wit or intelligence. They were absent where I needed them to be present.

The result: the years most people spend getting a career and finding a job were for me spent clowning, swinging from the sense of my father's entitlement, to deep loneliness. Alcohol was a joy. Travel was a joy: being away. When you don't know what you are doing, you aren't going to be able to be around those people over there who have got it figured out. You're going to judge yourself or judge them or they are going to judge you or you aren't going to accept their acceptance or something...Or, I don't know. Who knows why they are so hard. Who knows if their togetherness is as simple and as glib an artifact of prosperity as it looks.

I don't know. Maybe it gets better once you digest everything. A huge amount is not in your control. It's actually profoundly beyond your control the environment you grew up in and the personalities that shape you.