scaredikklegoth

I know, I know.

I had a dream that I could drink again and now I want it. Really, really badly. I know all the reasons not to, I know I'll regret it but the **** It Demon wont leave me alone and I have nothing else to do.

needwineneedwineneedwine

Cantgiveincantgiveincantgivein

scaredikklegoth

Had a big cry on Fiance's shoulder. Didn't really help.

BirdOnWire

Wine is poison, pure and simple. For the years I tried to quit before I finally broke free, whenever I dumped red wine down the sink, I felt like it was my blood that was draining away because wine was killing me. Wine did almost kill. Get some chocolate ice cream.

sleepie

Stay away from it so that you won't be worried for your health.

scaredikklegoth

I wont get any, I promise. Just feel so miserable and hopeless. Argh.

PurpleDan

When I was new in recovery, I got on my knees and prayed...I've a feeling you might balk at that, but it worked for me. I didn't, and still don't, believe in a 'God' of the bible, but I did & do believe in some kind of universal loving force. If you don't believe in even that, then please feel free to pray to my god/goddess to have the desire to drink removed.

It worked for me...the desire was removed and hasn't come back in over 18 years...though I'm the kind of alkie that needed the 12 steps rather than relying solely on prayer.

scaredikklegoth

Thanks PurpleDan but am a staunch atheist and very empirical so that wouldn't work for me. I'm very glad that it worked for you though

I cant believe how hard this is. This is only Day 6 for crying out loud!

sleepie

Just make it up scaredikkle I am agnostic and that's what I do.
I made up a goddess, it's the act of prayer that is calming not the idea of an actual god.

sleepie

And in the mean time, for a laugh...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gW7607YiBso

strategery

Do you really think it's going to leave you alone if you give in? The cravings will be much, much worse if you give in. Keep on hanging in there.

PurpleDan

I respect that 100%. I've been querying my own beliefs recently...maybe the 'God' of my understanding is really more along the lines of my 'superego'.

But would you be willing to suspend your disbelief for a short moment to just try it...? You don't have anything to lose. Maybe it's nothing more than a diversionary thing. But it might just work. And know that I'm not trying to "convert" you LOL I just want you to get through this and not drink. I know plenty of atheists in AA and they rock an awesome programme.

Soberwolf

Have you tried urge surfing I was willing to try everything to get & stay sober

Carver

You're doing really well. Look into Urge Surfing as Mr SoberWolf suggested, it's a pretty cool trick.

Don't have a drink. When you wake up in the morning you'll be so glad you didn't, trust me.

Dee74

There are some great tips for craving here

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

The first time I got through a craving without drinking was a revelation to me. I didn't have to go with the flow, I got through it, and it didn't kill me

you can do this Scaredikklegoth

D

scaredikklegoth

Awww, thanks everyone, you're really helping me a lot. I'm so glad I found this place because otherwise I think I would've given in.

I have urge surfed and am feeling better. The craving has passed and I'm glad I didn't give in. Just feel a bit miserable lol.

PurpleDan, I do a sort of similar thing in that case where I talk myself down in a soothing voice in my head. It does help. As you say, it's like my superego calming down my id, you know?

least

I used to drink too much wine but now wine repulses me. I know where it will end up and don't want to go there, for any reason.

The urges will pass and you'll be stronger for having gotten thru it sober.

thomas11

how long have you been sober?

scaredikklegoth

Only 6 days lol. I know, pathetic. The urge has passed though and I'm glad I held on. And crying on Fiance's shoulder did help; I'm just having a bad brain day.

fishface

6 days isn't pathetic. 6 days is AWESOME!

I can't count on my hands how many times I'd gone 6 days in recent years because the number was 0. When I made 6 days this time, I knew I could make it. Now I'm at 66 days.

Each day having that number go up by 1 is so much more satisfying than having it reset to 0. Keep it up.

scaredikklegoth

Thanks fishface, that's very nice of you to say. 66 days is absolutely amazing! I hope I can get there too.

I think I need to really start taking better care of myself. I've been mired in self loathing for so long that I just stopped bothering. Like I've had a broken wisdom tooth for a year and a half and still haven't been to the dentist, citing the £25 fee as the reason... yet I was often spending more than that on booze and not giving it a second thought which is nuts!