Truckinon

I am under incredible stress due to several situations in my life. I also suffer from depression and anxiety. I am consumed by guilt, shame and remorse. Intense fear and worry. I attend AA, have a sponsor, working on the steps, see a therapist. My mind just can not shut out the past, it haunts me.

Just over a year of sobriety. I scratch and claw for every day. Go to lots of meetings. I am just overwhelmed by life right now. I can't give up now, I'm older and don't think I will make it back if I relapse. And drinking on top of depression is dangerous, I don't know how I will react.

I don't want to drink and then wonder what I should have done different. My sobriety is a gift I don't want to lose. This is the hardest fight of my life. Thanks for listening.

Hope2014

Don't give up. A year of sobriety is fantastic. I hope that you are able to find some peace

sleepie

Hi Truckingon I am glad you posted, I understand at stressful times it's hard to remember all the down sides of drinking but it sounds like you have a good handle on it. Keep posting!

JK130

Would talking about the stresses help? Maybe there are some you can let go of?

BTW You write beautifully.

Dee74

Hi truckinon

do you have any other coping strategies for the stress at all?

D

Truckinon

Yes Dee, I pray. A lot. Meditate. Gratitude lists. Breathing exercises. I try to walk but lately I am too full of fear. Talk with my AA friends. Big book step study meetings. Church. Al anon meetings. Read and now post to SR!

Dee74

There are some more tips here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...44-stress.html

D

Truckinon

JK130, thank you for your kind words. Yes, talking about things surely helps. I have worn out my poor sponsor but he has been very understanding. My therapist is an addictions counselor, also in the program. He really gets an earful. Talking with you wonderful people on this forum is helping me right now.

My mental health issues seem to be my biggest obstacle. I am very indecisive and procrastinate on important matters. This just magnifies the chaos and confusion, especially guilt and remorse. The stress and anxiety actually cause great pressure in my head, so bad my doctor ordered an ultrasound to rule out medical issues. It came back normal. I see a psychiatrist and recently a psychologist.

You know what? As I type all these things out I am realizing I really have done my best to fight this monster called addiction. I am throwing a lot at it, maybe a bit scrambled, I need to sort out my strategy. I need to stop blaming myself so much, I am a very sick person trying to get well.

Truckinon

Wow Dee, those are some great links you shared. I just gave them a quick skim but am looking forward to reading them in detail. Thanks!

stardustnlun

Definitely can't give up now. Over a year of sobriety! That's great! Keep on truckinon ✌n❤

Gottalife

When you say working the steps, which step are you up to?