Holds1325

To all that don't like negative posts, I'm sorry, and to all who are going through early stage sobriety I am triple sorry!

Anyone ever feel like they're losing it during early stage sobriety? As if nothing will work and everything is just crashing down?

I had a horrible day yesterday and it felt like my entire world was coming down! You know what I did yesterday? Relaxed at home, went fishing, then came home and went for a walk. Sounds normal for most people but I felt like I was losing my mind all day!

Tried praying, talking, walking, breathing exercises this and that and everything, nothing worked! Then I ruminate over the things that might, medication (nope tried that), hospital (tried that too), hey relapse! (nope too scared of that) call someone (everyone seems frustrated with me), come on here even! couldn't, no internet for stupid reasons.

It's like everytime I talk to someone they just sort of sigh and give me those, "stop acting like that" looks and I want to scream I CANT HELP IT!!!!

So here I am, made it into work, no Idea how or why for that matter and I literally feel like running out of here and never coming back! Just driving until I run out of gas and money!

Haven't gotten a single thing done this morning and I'm already getting the weird looks from co-workers...

story of my life...

ScottFromWI

Sorry you had a bad day Holds...but unfortunately they happen. Glad you made it through though, that's the most important thing. Sounds like you might have some anxiety issues going on thetre, I know them all too well myself. Consider seeing someone about that if you have the ability, or looking into some self help ( Books, videos , etc ) on mindfulness/meditation.

biminiblue

I had days like that in early sobriety, too.

Good news is that it passes, just like all feelings. You're okay!

zjw

I watched the movie into the wild and I got a lot out of it. I routinely would tell my wife how I just wanted to go for "my walk" and by then i meant go for a walk and not come back for some rediuclously indefinite period of time after i had sorted it all out in my head.

She was scared too that I would or that i'd just check out and she'd come home to find my skull splattered on the wall or something.

Point is I struggled too.

But I had to keep moving forward keep showing up each day even tho showing up was about all i could do.

Fast forward to now. I think at times perhaps I'm already on my walk..

It sounds like your thoughts are racing try and pin down 1 and work with it etc..

sleepie

That sounds normal to me Holds, unfortunately sometimes you just have to be stronger than it. Quitting makes me very irritable. It's getting used to not being able to have the thing that makes you feel good. I want to promise that it gets better but I am still trying to see that for myself... it sucks pretty bad so far but let's you and I just stick with it and see what happens?

Holds1325

With my walk I feel like I don't want to come back or do anything and then I don't know what to do and I feel like I've hit a wall basically. My mind then starts pouring in the options and I feel like I'm thousands of miles away when I'm just sitting there by myself, doing nothing but thinking....

Before this all happened I hated going for walks, still do, now its all I can do some days.

Holds1325

Thank you sleepie, I feel all those emotions too. I'm sorry if this gets you down as I know you are going through the same thing. Its like sometimes I just want to show people hey I'm getting through this! you can too! and then I have a horrible day like yesterday and feel as if the cycle of crap/emotions/fear etc. start over.

sleepie

Please, I am the queen of bummer threads... as another pointed out it's not all rainbows so what else are we gonna talk about?

If I see a rainbow everyone here will know.

zjw

yeah sleepie is right its not all peaches and sunshine. You cant have the good without having the bad. what would good be if we didnt have bad to compare it too. not to mention life would be boring right?

But yea the ups and downs are crazy someone once came on here and said that years down the road into sobriety you still have your ups and downs its just that the peaks and valleys get more smoothed out its not such dramatic ups and downs.

Just gotta keep posting keep talking.

I post some of my troubles from time to time partly to vent but also I know i need people here to talk me off my ledge. Its hard too because sometimes i have all the answers I just cant calm myself down.

Holds1325

Wish we could see that rainbow at least a small glimpse! I had one or 2 good days last week and then it all came crashing down hard and its like, wait nothing bad happened at all, my family is all okay, nothing catastrophic happened but its like one day I'll just wake up and the thoughts come pouring in like a wave and it takes forever to get through it all and my stupid brain is like "you'll never get through this, or you will but it'll just happen again and again!"

The joys of early sobriety, you ever just get that random thought of

*sigh* "this really really sucks"

?

Holds1325

Exactly how I feel. Also, I have everything I could possibly need or want, why cant I just calm down??

Shimmer14

I'm trying to stay sober today and I don't know why it's so hard to feel like what normal was. I have been off and on drinking most of my life and it's hard when you don't have anyone to talk to or if they could be sincere when they act like they cared cause I'm used to their fake smiles and hugs by now. I tried going for a walk the other day but I ended up drinking anyway because I felt so alone that nobody said hi to me on my walk not even my neighbors when I go outside everyday. Why am I so alone. Why can people quit drinking for a while then go back into it. How do those who don't go back into stop the urges. I feel like dead weight when I wake up but I have to make a living and when I do get up all I think about is the buzz I can get at the end of the night and feel like a million bucks but this morning I feel empty oh And more broke!

zjw

yeah just kinda happens like this. gotta really savor those good days. and on the bad days gotta just figure out how to let it roll off your back like water does off a ducks back. Its just a bad day just a bump in the road. Tommorrow you get another crack at it etc..

I've had a lot of days be awash. Like well that didnt go so well least that days over with oh well its behind me now next day please.

Shimmer14
I know the alone thing. I felt very alone. No one could jump in my head and take care of htings for me. and I really wished someone could. it seemed like no one got it either. I new the fake smiles as well. Fast forward I dunno if they where all fake now. But I wanted more then a smile at the time and told it'll be ok. I wanted someone to jump in my boat with me and help me bail the friggen water. if that makes any sense. In my case I feel in the end I had to figure it all out no one could do it for me. Which yeah it does kinda stink and can seem very isolating at times. But people did care along the way a few anyhow not many really understood however. People on SR seem to get it tho which is cool. Its a bit of a detatched situation IE random people online vs face to face but I'll take whatever works at this point.

NestWasEmpty

I tend to look at things in the opposite way , when I feel that drinking will solve all my problems or make me feel better . I tell myself" No it won't " you did not feel better , it didn't solve any of your problems . They were still there , but you were to loaded to see them !! It's a whole lot easier to work through life's ups & downs with a clear head , then a foggy one
Seeing a Dr sounds good . My anxiety was real bad when I quit , after I got something for that it made things not as hard to deal with .

emilynghiem

Dear Holds if it makes you feel better, or laugh for two seconds:
some people have bad days like this all the time.
with nothing to blame it on!!

at least you know where it's coming from and where you are going with it from here. some people don't even have that much.

hope that makes you smile.

Sorry for the horrible time you are going through, it's an exercise in forgiveness of things we can't control, so if that's all we can do
to forgive these things for happening, that's a positive step in itself.
keep forgiving this, and whatever bad thoughts or feelings you have in the meantime, and they will pass faster than if you feel bad about feeling bad which makes it worse.

Take care, hugs and prayers, more love and power to you!
If it helps to write in a journal or track on a calendar,
you can check your progress and see that these bad days
will become shorter and farther between in the future.

If you can have an agreement with yourself, to go "spoil" yourself
"every time you have a really bad day," that may help replace bad, fearful memories with something you enjoy doing so much it takes your mind off the bad side. It's not a perfect solution, but it may help reduce the fear and dread associated with bad days until they pass and become more less and less over time.

So sorry, please take care. You are very courageous to hang on until things get better. As Winston Churchill said, if you find yourself going through hell, keep going!!
ARRGGHHH!!! <--- I added that at the end.
Don't you think it makes a nice punchline for that quotation? ;-)

Shimmer14

Thanks zjw I'm trying my best today. I feel physically and emotially sick, more than usual. I hope I get better. It's hard to be on here feeling like this. I do enjoy the encouragement. Much needed in my life.

sleepie

This is a good thread Holds I'm glad we are in it together I think you are just behind me on sober date right?

zjw

the one nice thing about how crappy early sobriety was is it was so bad for me that that alone is enough for me to not wanna drink again. I dont ever wanna have to go through that again. I've seen it said before I got another drink in me but I dunno that i got another recovery!! I'm not sure how well I'd do on a second go around.

So for me I'm glad it was such a raw deal going through all that it sorta cements my sobriety gives me a firmer footing and I think that was part of the plan / reason it had to be the way that it was. Medicine is awful but we have to let it do its job.

Shimmer14

Today is my sober date. I usually drink on my days off but I'm finding the willpower from all your encouragement it's just I feel so alone in this. I'm doing my laundry and finished the dishes which is huge for me even though I live by myself, it's really good to find people on here with the same issues who know they don't have to pretend anymore. I work tomorrow so that's another goal is to be at work not feeling hungover.

Holds1325

Thanks all for your help and suggestions, its very difficult trying to go through this,

Shimmer14 - This is a very good site with very good caring people who know what they are talking about, my advice, come on here daily, seriously! Especially on days like mine,

Hope yours arent as bad as mine though