kittycat3

Tell us about the trashcans courage!

alphaomega

I have that nicotine resistant gene too. I gave up smoking with zero problem when I got sober. Haven't had a fag in 8 months and don't miss it at all. Could easily smoke a chuke here or there without any problem other than the 750 freaking carcinogenic chemicals coursing through my uber purified blood at this point.


Clean living. Sigh....

Got diagnosed this am with strep, a sinus infection and a double ear infection. What the who ? Damn airplanes. Damn AC and humidity. Damn college kid germs. Damn damn damn.

As least we got the long weekend to recover right ?

Clean living. Sigh...

courage2

"An alcoholic is like someone with 5 trashcans and only 4 lids."

When I put the lid on drinking, I took it off something else.

But my former sponsor, who gave me that line, says I only have about 2.5 lids.

courage2

Sorry you're sick, AO. Maybe once you got that role, the resistance you've been maintaining just took a break.

I much better -- healthwise, anyway I still get really tired, but less & less every day.

courage2

What trashcans do you have?

I have drinking (of course), and smoking, and drugs, and sex, and words, and even back in the day cutting & such, and thieving -- I know a lot of alcoholics who are accomplished shoplifters! and and and -- some of them seem pretty tightly sealed now, but they have a way of popping open when you're not looking. I guess the trick is to stop accumulating trash, and let the old stuff decompose?

silentrun

I read once that about 10% of people who smoke never actually get addicted. I don't fall into that category. Courage and AO, you lucked out on that one.

I am not really sure what trash cans I have. Nicotine and drugs are addictive substances in my mind and there doesn't need to be anything wrong with the person to develop an addiction. I started smoking because most people I hung around with smoked. I didn't use drugs because they didn't and it never occurred to me to go find some. Plus I am not the type to break laws.

I suspect the booze was so easy for me to get addicted to because I had been a runner. I feel like that was when I hopped addictions when I couldn't run anymore. There is research that running, alcohol, and sugar all act in similar ways through DeltaFosB. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18293355

Isn't cutting about releasing endorphins? There probably is something to your brain getting used to and feeling like you need "something". I guess the key is to find something healthy that releases endorphins. That is probably why exercise seems to help so many in recovery. Doing things out of charity and good will can release them too. What works for me now is accomplishing something like cleaning or paying off something. Trouble is with those things they don't release a crap load of them at once like drinking did. Drinking has now subsided to a non issue for me after this much time. People who quit smoking and clean up their diet say the same thing.

Tooshabby

It feels a bit like whack-a-mole to me. Kitty was sharing about marijuana in another thread - that's a big weakness of mine. Basically, if it's in the house, I will smoke it, even though it makes me really anxious. Go figure. Opiates are definitely another weakness. I had some success years ago importing tramadol, and I can get kratom anytime I want to because it comes in powder form and customs don't pick it up on the x-ray. I haven't done that for months though, so that's good. Anything speedy, I'm in. Ecstasy, yes please. Acid - how interesting!! You get the picture. I haven't done all that much of any of these things (except dope and alcohol), because I'm 'middle class' and it's just not the done thing, darling. In the 'wrong' environment, I'd be dead, I think. I was a Christian throughout my twenties and I'm sure that saved my life. I do feel it's 'God', peace, love, whatever one wants to call it, that I crave.

kittycat3

My trashcans are the same as yours courage, smoking, drinking, drugs, sex....not so much the sex as the smoking and drinking but it's there.

kittycat3

Codependency too. A big trashcan.

kittycat3

Oh yeah codependency, another trashcan....

Cow

Bunny! You like me, the Little Dutch Cow, try to keep my sanity in the barrel, but you plug one hole and other one spring open. I need more hooves. And for sure, more sanity. I hoping you okay.
~Moo mwah, my friend

courage2

Hi Cow!

Kittycat, please give me your definition of codependency. I'm not trying to quiz you or anything -- I just never really know what people mean by that word. What do you mean?

silentrun

I had/have some what I call codependency going on. Sometimes I would feel I was responsible for another's happiness. Nobody could be down around me without me trying to fix it. If my husband or kid was crabby around me I took it as a personal failure and would sacrifice in ways that weren't even expected of me. I have learned I am not the general manager of the universe and it's OK for them to figure it out themselves. Another people are just as capable as I am.

kittycat3

I guess I have 2 codependency trashcans, what the F.

Silentrun described it. For me, it's just that I've lived my life putting so much stock into other people. I did it with my ex-husband and later with my mother (maybe still do it.) I make them and my relationship with them like a God. Everything is great, until it's not....my mom is an alcoholic (sober now but still angry) and for so long I've been on the end of her tail, wagging whichever way she wags it... Maybe it's low-self esteem too.
Now I'm single and struggling with that, as if I'm less of a person because I don't have a significant other to love me..... Sad I know, when I think about it with my brain I can see how pathetic it is, but I can't quite convince my heart.

Yet

kittycat3

Hi cow meow meow

Tooshabby

I worry terribly about other people's feelings too. Right down to shop assistants. I don't want to paint myself as a saint or anything though - I worry about my own feelings too. Sometimes (often, actually) I really hate being a 'sensitive' person, and envy all those seemingly thick-skinned people out there who just barrel through life obliviously. Oh well, nout I can do about it. I am toughening up a little bit as I near the half tonne.....thank Jesus. H. Christ.

Cow

I a fixer too, and I actual pretty damn good at it, excepting for I never could fix my self, of course. Still now, when pretty much everybody know I alcoholic mess, they come to me for advices and such, and I like this cuz it make me feel still valuable.

I has other examples: My moma buy me alcohols while I still underage, cuz was easier than confronting what she know going on with me. Some of my boyfriend felt more secure that I need them if I a drunk, so they encourage that. Lot of my party friend enjoy that I was "belle of ball at the clubs" and so pooh pooh or ignore that I alcoholic.

To me, is if both sides is getting something psychologically unhealthy from relationship but they go into collusion and stay with it, cuz it easier than getting out.

PS. Moo moo to you, Little Kittycat!

silentrun

Maybe fixing other people distracts us from fixing ourselves? A lot of it did have to do with self esteem. I saw myself as expendable and not entitled to anything of my own. I figured out just how sick my FOO was and how my mother turned me into the parent. As soon as I did that it started to fall into place. Neither of my parent's are mentally healthy and I understood that early on and tried to protect my little brothers. One of my parents becoming angry was often and catastrophic.

That's what is awesome about recovery. You get your mental abilities back and are able to figure out the hows and address it instead of always wondering why.

Tooshabby

Uh oh. Sounds familiar. The last time I got drunk I'd already taken two sleeping pills, and like a genius thought, hmmm....I feel a bit sleepy. I need a little alcohol to pep me up. So I drove down the road and got a bottle of wine. When my partner came home, I asked him to go and get me another one. He did. I drank that too. We've talked about it since. He doesn't want to argue with me at the time and wants things to be 'nice' between us. I had a conversation with a work colleague on the phone and don't remember more than two seconds of it. Apparently, we talked for an hour. Trying hard not to hate myself but it's difficult, proving nigh on impossible when you keep acting like a complete doofus. I asked him would he hand me a loaded gun if I asked him for that too? I know, I know. I'm a ****** and I made him feel guilty when I have to take full responsibility. I think God, what if I kill myself accidentally one day, which could easily happen and nearly has several times before, and he ends up feeling guilty about it?! He doesn't deserve this BS. I could scream I'm so frustrated with myself. Having a bad day, to be honest. I'm not looking for help or advice though. Just want to be honest with people.

Tooshabby

God, I hope so SR. I really do. It rings true :-)