Feeling CRAZY? This one's for you
Alcoholic
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Australia
Posts: 23
Feeling CRAZY? This one's for you
Hope this helps if you're just getting sober and feeling a little crazy.
So I'm 5 months sober and I feel like, perhaps I've been off the planet during this time. This is all the more strange because I certainly have been here and had all my senses about me and could even say that I've been quite engaged with my life and family. I've felt much more sharp and sensical than I was when drinking. However, just in the last couple of days, reflecting on the last 5 months, I feel like I just washed up on shore after a fairly weird ride on the yellow submarine. It seems like my brain took me somewhere quite strange while it was recovering. Here's a little bit about my walk down crazy street.
So, things got weird early on during my sobriety. One morning I woke up and took my son for a walk out in the backyard. Then, holy moly, the backyard was covered in hundreds of mushrooms. I was like what the actual f**k. Anyways, that night I did a bit of research about mushrooms to check whether there was anything poisonous growing in my yard. I came across this guy on youtube who's saying that mushrooms are intelligent and they will actually appear when you're ready to receive them and that they have important messages to give from another dimension. Ofcourse, he's talking about magic mushrooms. oooookeeedoookeeee then.
So I'm not hallucinating or anything. My wife does see the mushrooms too. So I get into researching magic mushrooms and find out some really interesting things. Like, some people say that early
Christianity is simply a magic mushroom cult and Jesus is simply a metaphor for the mushroom experience. Stay with me here. They go on to point out all sorts of symbolic references in christian art depicting the sacred mushroom. Take a look at the gown worn by catholic cardinals, its color and design is referencing the Amanita Muscaria mushroom. Then watch a mass held in St. Peter's Basilica
(Vatican) from an overhead vantage. As all the cardinals file in, wearing their mushroom costumes, it totally looks like a giant mushroom... I did warn you this was all a bit crazy. Lets go on.
Ok coincidence right? Red and white costumes are pretty universal, even Santa wears one. Yeah, and Santa actually comes from Siberia where the Siberian shamans come from. Same shamans who wear red and white costumes, eat Amanita Muscaria mushrooms and drink reindeer urine. Do the research yourself if you don't believe me.
All this really gets me thinking about communion and eating the body of Christ. I've always wondered what communion was all about, or what is manna from heaven, or what were they really carrying inside the arc of the covenant? It all makes a lot more sense if you add magic mushrooms that connect you with special messages from another dimension.
I know what you're thinking. Did this guy get off the booze and on to psychedelics. No, totally sober. But fascinated none the less. So, I dig a little deeper.
Seems that the psychedelic chemical in mushrooms (pscylosibin) acts via the pineal gland in our brains. This is the top most gland in our endocrine system. Same system depicted by the spiritual chakras of
eastern mysticism. In western art, the pineal gland is symbolized as a pine cone. What the actual f**k. Inside the Vatican gardens, beyond the two mushroom shaped fountains out front in St Peter's square, there is a giant bronze pine cone statue. In fact, there's pine cones all over Rome if you go looking for them.
So, I get into researching the Pineal gland. Somehow this takes me into the world of Manly P Hall and esoteric literature. Its during this research that I come across a video where some guy is measuring landmarks on a map in Washington DC and referencing the measurements against ratios and dimensions present in the ancient Egyptian pyramids. And wow, he draws a series of lines linking DC landmarks like the Capital building and Jefferson memorial etc. And, holy moly, all sorts of occult symbols start appearing. In particular, a symbol like the all seeing pyramid on the US one dollar note appears. And there at the tip of the pyramid on the Washington DC map is the Masonic lodge building.
Now while all this research is going on and my mind is getting totally blown, things are going really well at home. I'm sober and we're getting out regularly as a family, going to the beach and the local
markets. I'm really enjoying life, being present with my wife and son. In a way, its as if all the energy that I would otherwise have been focusing on fighting the urge to drink, has instead been invested into my new research project. Its as if I have forgot about drinking all together and I'm consumed by my research instead. Upon reflection, it was weird but definitely a godsend.
From my discoveries about Washington and Masonry, things start getting darker and darker. This is when I learn about MK Ultra, the CIAs mind control program. This sh*t really happened. There was a Supreme Court enquiry, witness testimonials, the whole deal. Some say the program was shut down. Others say it was scaled up and rolled out into the mainstream in the form of Walt Disney studios. They reckon we're all being bombarded with mind control media and Mickey Mouse is the logo for new MK Ultra.
So here's where it gets scary weird.
At the same time, I'm getting this feeling like I'm going a little too deep. It actually feels a little scary. I've been learning a lot about quantum theory and things like consciousness and meta physical feedback loops. That is, we're co-creators of our own reality according to what we focus our attention and energy on (you know, the secret and law of attraction stuff). I start feeling like the deeper I look into all this weird sh*t the more and the weirder sh*t I find.
And its at this point, when I'm feeling scared and I'm researching about Disney and MK Ultra, I kid you not, my wife walks through the front door carrying a Mickey Mouse bath mat and a Mickey Mouse baby sofa. What the actual f**k. She tells me they are gifts. The bath mat is from her mum and the baby sofa is from my mum. DeDe DiDo DeDe DiDo (twilight zone). I keep cool. "Yeah what lovely gifts". But inside, I'm thinking this is very very strange.
So the Mickey Mouse thing was kind of like a Stop sign for me. I figure, either I can follow this down the rabbit hole and start asking why the f**k did my mum and mother in law give my son Mickey Mouse paraphernalia out of the blue, or I can let go and relax. I chose to let go and relax. The bath mat now hangs in our shower and the baby sofa is in the lounge room.
I actually think there is some sort of dynamic happening between our consciousness and reality. I know its weird, but I do feel like something was happening there. As if I was running a little too hot in
the consciousness stakes and things were getting a little out of control. Letting go was the right thing to do. It really gave me a sense of peace and confidence. I felt a little bit of power, like I was choosing my reality (for the better). From there my research quietened down and the subjects became much more positive and helpful.
And that was my first few weird months of sobriety. Upon reflection, this weird trip down the research rabbit hole seems to have been a proxy or distraction to any sense of explicit turmoil I may have been
experiencing coming off the alcohol. I didn't really struggle too much with cravings or obsessive thoughts about drinking. I was too busy youtubing esoteric world domination.
In fact, it was only about a week ago I started thinking that it would be nice to have a little six-pack holiday one night. Something inside me hesitated for a while and gradually it felt like I was waking up inside and POW, I realised: Hang on a second, I'm a f**king alcoholic, I can't take a six-pack holiday --ever-- six-pack holidays last years / decades for me.
So if you actually read through all that, I wonder: Did you take a trip on the yellow submarine?
So I'm 5 months sober and I feel like, perhaps I've been off the planet during this time. This is all the more strange because I certainly have been here and had all my senses about me and could even say that I've been quite engaged with my life and family. I've felt much more sharp and sensical than I was when drinking. However, just in the last couple of days, reflecting on the last 5 months, I feel like I just washed up on shore after a fairly weird ride on the yellow submarine. It seems like my brain took me somewhere quite strange while it was recovering. Here's a little bit about my walk down crazy street.
So, things got weird early on during my sobriety. One morning I woke up and took my son for a walk out in the backyard. Then, holy moly, the backyard was covered in hundreds of mushrooms. I was like what the actual f**k. Anyways, that night I did a bit of research about mushrooms to check whether there was anything poisonous growing in my yard. I came across this guy on youtube who's saying that mushrooms are intelligent and they will actually appear when you're ready to receive them and that they have important messages to give from another dimension. Ofcourse, he's talking about magic mushrooms. oooookeeedoookeeee then.
So I'm not hallucinating or anything. My wife does see the mushrooms too. So I get into researching magic mushrooms and find out some really interesting things. Like, some people say that early
Christianity is simply a magic mushroom cult and Jesus is simply a metaphor for the mushroom experience. Stay with me here. They go on to point out all sorts of symbolic references in christian art depicting the sacred mushroom. Take a look at the gown worn by catholic cardinals, its color and design is referencing the Amanita Muscaria mushroom. Then watch a mass held in St. Peter's Basilica
(Vatican) from an overhead vantage. As all the cardinals file in, wearing their mushroom costumes, it totally looks like a giant mushroom... I did warn you this was all a bit crazy. Lets go on.
Ok coincidence right? Red and white costumes are pretty universal, even Santa wears one. Yeah, and Santa actually comes from Siberia where the Siberian shamans come from. Same shamans who wear red and white costumes, eat Amanita Muscaria mushrooms and drink reindeer urine. Do the research yourself if you don't believe me.
All this really gets me thinking about communion and eating the body of Christ. I've always wondered what communion was all about, or what is manna from heaven, or what were they really carrying inside the arc of the covenant? It all makes a lot more sense if you add magic mushrooms that connect you with special messages from another dimension.
I know what you're thinking. Did this guy get off the booze and on to psychedelics. No, totally sober. But fascinated none the less. So, I dig a little deeper.
Seems that the psychedelic chemical in mushrooms (pscylosibin) acts via the pineal gland in our brains. This is the top most gland in our endocrine system. Same system depicted by the spiritual chakras of
eastern mysticism. In western art, the pineal gland is symbolized as a pine cone. What the actual f**k. Inside the Vatican gardens, beyond the two mushroom shaped fountains out front in St Peter's square, there is a giant bronze pine cone statue. In fact, there's pine cones all over Rome if you go looking for them.
So, I get into researching the Pineal gland. Somehow this takes me into the world of Manly P Hall and esoteric literature. Its during this research that I come across a video where some guy is measuring landmarks on a map in Washington DC and referencing the measurements against ratios and dimensions present in the ancient Egyptian pyramids. And wow, he draws a series of lines linking DC landmarks like the Capital building and Jefferson memorial etc. And, holy moly, all sorts of occult symbols start appearing. In particular, a symbol like the all seeing pyramid on the US one dollar note appears. And there at the tip of the pyramid on the Washington DC map is the Masonic lodge building.
Now while all this research is going on and my mind is getting totally blown, things are going really well at home. I'm sober and we're getting out regularly as a family, going to the beach and the local
markets. I'm really enjoying life, being present with my wife and son. In a way, its as if all the energy that I would otherwise have been focusing on fighting the urge to drink, has instead been invested into my new research project. Its as if I have forgot about drinking all together and I'm consumed by my research instead. Upon reflection, it was weird but definitely a godsend.
From my discoveries about Washington and Masonry, things start getting darker and darker. This is when I learn about MK Ultra, the CIAs mind control program. This sh*t really happened. There was a Supreme Court enquiry, witness testimonials, the whole deal. Some say the program was shut down. Others say it was scaled up and rolled out into the mainstream in the form of Walt Disney studios. They reckon we're all being bombarded with mind control media and Mickey Mouse is the logo for new MK Ultra.
So here's where it gets scary weird.
At the same time, I'm getting this feeling like I'm going a little too deep. It actually feels a little scary. I've been learning a lot about quantum theory and things like consciousness and meta physical feedback loops. That is, we're co-creators of our own reality according to what we focus our attention and energy on (you know, the secret and law of attraction stuff). I start feeling like the deeper I look into all this weird sh*t the more and the weirder sh*t I find.
And its at this point, when I'm feeling scared and I'm researching about Disney and MK Ultra, I kid you not, my wife walks through the front door carrying a Mickey Mouse bath mat and a Mickey Mouse baby sofa. What the actual f**k. She tells me they are gifts. The bath mat is from her mum and the baby sofa is from my mum. DeDe DiDo DeDe DiDo (twilight zone). I keep cool. "Yeah what lovely gifts". But inside, I'm thinking this is very very strange.
So the Mickey Mouse thing was kind of like a Stop sign for me. I figure, either I can follow this down the rabbit hole and start asking why the f**k did my mum and mother in law give my son Mickey Mouse paraphernalia out of the blue, or I can let go and relax. I chose to let go and relax. The bath mat now hangs in our shower and the baby sofa is in the lounge room.
I actually think there is some sort of dynamic happening between our consciousness and reality. I know its weird, but I do feel like something was happening there. As if I was running a little too hot in
the consciousness stakes and things were getting a little out of control. Letting go was the right thing to do. It really gave me a sense of peace and confidence. I felt a little bit of power, like I was choosing my reality (for the better). From there my research quietened down and the subjects became much more positive and helpful.
And that was my first few weird months of sobriety. Upon reflection, this weird trip down the research rabbit hole seems to have been a proxy or distraction to any sense of explicit turmoil I may have been
experiencing coming off the alcohol. I didn't really struggle too much with cravings or obsessive thoughts about drinking. I was too busy youtubing esoteric world domination.
In fact, it was only about a week ago I started thinking that it would be nice to have a little six-pack holiday one night. Something inside me hesitated for a while and gradually it felt like I was waking up inside and POW, I realised: Hang on a second, I'm a f**king alcoholic, I can't take a six-pack holiday --ever-- six-pack holidays last years / decades for me.
So if you actually read through all that, I wonder: Did you take a trip on the yellow submarine?
Last edited by AllieFox; 08-19-2015 at 07:27 PM. Reason: title bug
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 464
That sounds like quite the adventure!
I've been curious about things like that but you are right in what you say about ignoring it. Unfortunately for me my mind formulates about 100 different scenarios (mostly bad) in any situation like that. It'll keep me up for a few nights before it tapers off. I've had to ignore this as well no matter how intriguing it can be at times. I know in the future I can go on a "Research Binge" but I have to get over this hump first.
Nice post though!
I've been curious about things like that but you are right in what you say about ignoring it. Unfortunately for me my mind formulates about 100 different scenarios (mostly bad) in any situation like that. It'll keep me up for a few nights before it tapers off. I've had to ignore this as well no matter how intriguing it can be at times. I know in the future I can go on a "Research Binge" but I have to get over this hump first.
Nice post though!
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,360
I think I know what you are talking about...maybe? Right around 9 months sober I went pretty loopy. I actually took online tests for dissociative disorders. I scored within normal range. It was very trippy and a bit scary. Relax, look around, lose your fear, nothing bad is going to happen. You say yellow submarine, I say entering the earth's atmosphere. Try not to burn up on re entry. Check out Michael Shermer on Ted talks if it gets too weird.
Alcoholic
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Australia
Posts: 23
Originally Posted by Holds1325 
That sounds like quite the adventure!
I've been curious about things like that but you are right in what you say about ignoring it. Unfortunately for me my mind formulates about 100 different scenarios (mostly bad) in any situation like that. It'll keep me up for a few nights before it tapers off. I've had to ignore this as well no matter how intriguing it can be at times. I know in the future I can go on a "Research Binge" but I have to get over this hump first.
Nice post though!
I've been curious about things like that but you are right in what you say about ignoring it. Unfortunately for me my mind formulates about 100 different scenarios (mostly bad) in any situation like that. It'll keep me up for a few nights before it tapers off. I've had to ignore this as well no matter how intriguing it can be at times. I know in the future I can go on a "Research Binge" but I have to get over this hump first.
Nice post though!
Alcoholic
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Australia
Posts: 23
Originally Posted by silentrun
You say yellow submarine, I say entering the earth's atmosphere. Try not to burn up on re entry. Check out Michael Shermer on Ted talks if it gets too weird.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,360
Originally Posted by AllieFox
Like a Chinese finger trap.
aka Nesty
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Northern Vt.
Posts: 1,554
Yikes that sure is some really Deep Stuff ! I was thinking that ( he's eating the mushrooms ) Holy Smokes 
My first months were kind of a blur - like tunnel vision , trying to survive .
The closes I've came to strange happenings was - before I started drinking . I got into astrology - more in the ways of how your life will turn out . To bad I didn't stay with it , maybe I would have seen alcohol problems in my future
My first months were kind of a blur - like tunnel vision , trying to survive .
The closes I've came to strange happenings was - before I started drinking . I got into astrology - more in the ways of how your life will turn out . To bad I didn't stay with it , maybe I would have seen alcohol problems in my future
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