zjw

Yeah I think decideing to go to rehab takes a bit of surrender on ones part. I didnt have to go that route. I white knuckled it with no help for the first year then I signed up here and was like ::Facepalm:: why didnt i come here sooner or go to AA? At least coming here or something like AA is free etc..

I guess the other side is rehab could very well be worth the cost. Just gotta weigh it out I guess.

Be care ful with the job loss fear tho. I look at it this way. My mind wants me to travel down that road to that thought. and I know where it leads. All that worry ad stress etc.. yeah i've played that game like 82931893219321 times and still play it once in a while when my mind gets the best of me.

Dont allow your mind to drag you around by the nose with these thoughts and worries. Watch the worry and thoughts come and go rise and fall and just sit back and watch.

Eckhart tolle put it well in his book the power of now. I know i'll get this quote wrong but. He said something like you can sit on a park bench and enjoy the scenery and look over and see your problems and smile at them. The point is you can allow it to "hook" you or you can just watch it all go by and be the watcher. Its easier to just watch it all play out rather then getting "hooked" into it.

I'd imagine you dont feel so great right now being "hooked" into the worry that came along with the thought of " what if i loose my job?" I'm sure your mind then goes down the trail of all the awful things that will happen if you do. I'm sure you feel horrible thinking about all those things. and for what? it hasnt even happened !!! All those thoughts its all in your head and your living them NOW as if its happening right now and it is not!.

You know i hit a point where i just got tired. I got tired of the what if games the endless circle of if this then that etc.. I'm a programmer so I play this game well.

My wife once told me life is not a program. you cant just program it and have it all just play out how you want it too. She was so right! because thats what I try to do. its like AAA i can just solve all of this by this code i conjured up in my head etc..

I got to the point where it was like welp? going back isnt an option. Going forward looks like crap. Oh friggen well I give up. and I just went with the flow instead.


I say so what if you loose your job who cares. But i know if i lost mine i'd be up here going wawwawwawa i lost my job and i'd be so thankful someone would talk to me and say hey its ok this crap happens its life it'll be alright it'll work out did you try this did you try that lets go over you options etc..

If i loose my job tommorrow it'll just be another bump in the road just like any otherbump in this road we call life. and in that moment i'll have my OH NO fear etc.. sure I will who wouldnt. But it will pass. Life goes on.

Dee74

Hi Holds

you've already done the drinking thing - it bought you here - thinking than more drinking might somehow solve the problem is nonsense, yeah?

I think a lot of us underestimate the damage years of drinking can do to mind and body.

It took me about 3 months from the time I quit to do anything much worth a damn. I did notice a steady if slow improvement tho.

Then again if you're feeling this is fundamentally impacting your life and you cant stand it another day, & the doctor you've seen has not helped, maybe you need to get some second opinions?

D

Holds1325

Hey guys thanks for the responses and encouragement,

I was about to do it! but instead I talked to my pastor here and we made some progress,

Yes drinking got me here, it would be dumb of me to think it could fix the situation and make it any better.

My problem is my commitment to surrendering to God which means thinking I can do this on my own and allowing my own faults to take over my life all the while just listening to my addiction.

I broke down and prayed on my knees and surrendered myself, my ego, my own plans and gave them up because you all are right, Im here because of the drinking which means my choices are pretty bad to begin with.

For tonight ill be throwing away these full bottles of beer and moving forward! Thank you and i hope this encourages anyone thats in a similar situation.

sugarbear1

Alcohol treated my alcoholism. When living without alcohol made life more difficult, I needed a new solution. I happened to find it in the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous.

There are other ways, too!

Glad you are working on staying stopped!!!!

zjw

At 30 days I had a bad day and felt entitled to a drink. And I had 30 days and proved clearly I was not an alcoholic. So I sat down with a cold one and my wife asked if I was really going to throw away 30 days because of one bad one. To which I replied absolutely ! She got this look of sadness and disappoint,net on her face so I thought about it for another second and put the beer back. If it had not been for her that day I think I woulda thrown in the towel then and there.

Tomorrows a new day we can all take another stab at it and it will be nice to wake up not hungover.

Holds1325

Ugh must I come back to this post a little over a week later?

Again feeling that anxious feeling

Bird615

I just reread this entire thread and it sounds like it's more of the same you've gone through already. It's normal.
As long as you are not drinking you are healing.
It will pass and you know that it's your addiction playing head games with you again.
If prayer helped you before, can it help you now?

Feeling bad will come and go and sometimes it will really push our buttons, but each time we get through it, we will come out a little stronger.

Someone mentioned AA. For me, that made all the difference. I tried doing it without and it was way more white-knuckle misery for me. There are other programs out there too, but often having some face-to-face help can make all the difference. It's not smooth sailing by any means, but it's a lot better. AA for me was the easy way out.

You can do this. Keep reaching out.

Holds1325

It's sort of the same thing,

Terrified to do it, terrified not to, however the feeling of anxiety/depression is getting old and I just want it to go away already,

As said previously in this thread, old drinking, fine and able to function, without, a mess and very unstable

I just wish I could see the light at the end of the tunnel as so many people put it.

BlueFairy

I've kind of been the same way--it's all punishment and no reward. I don't want to start drinking again but am wondering at this time how much of my life problems is this going to solve. I will tell you I thought I was doing great at work-- when I was not-- while drinking. You think you are doing better than you actually are. All I can say at 3 months in is I Look better and seem to be enjoying Life more. You have to be tough and believe it will get better. I see little things improving and that for me is proof it will get better. If you understand the poison alcohol is you will understand why it is doing such a number on you now. Your body is recovering from the abuse drinking did to you. You're withdrawing from Addiction as strong as heroin and tobacco. Your body and mind is craving, and wanting you to feed that addiction and it will rebel for awhile. Thing is people Do beat it-- you find them here and it is a new world. I believe it-- and I will stay strong.

CodeJob

Pulling for you Holds.

My signature line used to say, 'Worrying is like praying for what you don't want.'

Holds1325

Pulled through, survived another friday, ended up going to a Bible study at my church, at first I did not want to be there, an hour in I felt alot better, talked with my Pastor afterward and had a good night. I took the money I was going to spend on alcohol and spent it on snacks and candy for my family and enjoyed them enjoying themselves, made me feel good