UKstudent

(hope I'm posting this in the right section)

I am curious to know if anybody else has experienced the feeling that nobody is THAT interested in your issues with alcohol.

I have spoken to members of staff at the university about my serious problems with alcohol, and received seemingly dismissive responses such as "well you don't smell of it yet" and "you don't seem anxious" and have them never enquire about the subject again.

I've told people in my circle of friends about blackouts and fears about lack of control over drinking, to them have them "like" pictures of me drinking alcohol a week later on Facebook.

Or other "friends" who I have explained the situation to to later spend an evening with them happily drinking with you.

Obviously none of these people are responsible for my drinking, especially given that a lot of it takes place when alone, but I am curious to know if anyone else has experienced such a lack of interest
or just generally people not really listening when you tell them that you're struggling.

Coldfusion

It is common for those who do not have a problem with alcohol to not understand the consequences of an alcoholic's drinking. That is why it is important to develop a support network of other recovering alcoholics, because we do understand.

Elizabeth333

Yes - make some connections with other Alcoholics - we know.

Rivelino

I find that people who feel they may have a problem themselves either are very dismissive and appear to feel threatened by discussing alcoholism or there are those that are very inquisitive and interested in how I am able to not drink as they may wish to give it up or cut down themselves.

I also realise that most people are so wrapped up in their own little worlds that they are not particularly interested in anyone else apart from themselves.

IMHO the only people worth discussing your issues with are those that really care for you and want the best for you and know how destructive alcohol is to your life; those that share the same problem and genuinely understand what you are going through and most importantly you know yourself that alcohol is the problem and need to take positive action.

My refuge is here and this place helps me greatly. I don't feel the need to discuss it elsewhere which makes things a lot easier.

doggonecarl

Talking about your tribulations with drinking with friends, then drinking? What do you think they are thinking? You are probably like the boy who cried wolf to them. Maybe they think if your problem with alcohol was that serious, you'd quit.

Wouldn't you?

Aellyce

Yes I have experienced it in most of my life apart from SR and AA meetings. I don't sweat it as how could we expect anyone to be interested / understand this without first hand experience? I also hid my alcoholism from the world so effectively and successfully for almost a decade that even the people closest to me did not take my recovery seriously after I got sober... again, except people who know addiction and recovery inside out like we do. Do I understand living with any other chronic illness many other people struggle with? Nope, not in any form that's beyond intellectual comprehension and what we call empathy.

Anna

I think that early recovery is a time of change and for me changing people and places and activities in my life was necessary. People who are not alcoholics usually don't understand alcoholism. And, people who may be alcoholics probably don't want to shine the light on that.

sleepie

Absolutely. I knew for years I was an alcoholic, yet friends would try to convince me I wasn't. I think they just plain don't get it. You have to seek out others going through the same thing.

zjw

i get it over the years i've had various struggles and i'll talk about them but it seems like it falls on deaf ears. I get a lot of lipservice sometimes but I guess my problem is I'm not one to ask for help so I sit around waiting for people to roll up there sleeves and offer some help and even when that happens on the rare occaision i'm inclined to say no no its ok I got this when really i dont.

In my case the problem is 2 fold. I need to learn how to ask for help and be a cheerful reciever. we always hear about cheerful givers but one could also be a gracious and cheerful reciever. This is something I have to work on.

The other problem is when someone does roll up there sleeves I need to accept that help and again be a cheerful receiver. I shouldnt deny someone the privaledge to help someone else just like I woudlnt want someone to deny me the privladge to help someone else either.

So while it seems like everyone else had a problem and maybe they do the reality is in my case there are things I can do on my end as well.

But I get it sometimes you feel all alone in your struggles sometimes theres no one offering help and no one to ask for help either and the ones you talk too its in one ear and out the other and your still stuck alone trying to figure it out.

keep posting at places like this and you'll get some help.

alphaomega

My alcoholic mother and I used to sit and polish off 3 bottles of wine while cooking and during dinner. We did this every Sunday for a decade. She was SHOCKED when I declared may alcoholism to her a few years ago. Shocked. Flat out told me - YOU are NOT an alcoholic.

My father used to buy handles of Beefeaters (gag) Gin by the case from Costco. I think there were 8 per case. He did this monthly.

She would never refer to her husband as an alcoholic because he got up every day for work and was a successful businessman. Never mind that he got in a severe car accident 30 years prior that rendered his left arm unusable, after "entertaining" business clients at The Playboy Club. This was prior to DUI's and drunk driving charges. They blamed the truck driver and sued him for logging too many hours....

Their big joke was how she would sneak him in pitchers (PITCHERS) of martinis in the hospital while he was in his full body cast.

Haha, hilarious. Even funnier when you consider he was most likely on exceptionally strong doses of morphine. :/

Her pharmacist daughter died of an accidental prescription drug and alcohol overdose.

Nope - no Alcoholism to see in this family folks. Move along.

Denial is a profound coping mechanism.

Soberwolf

You always have us bud

UKstudent

THIS! this is the part that botheres me - they try to convince you otherwise.. what sort of response is that? and what does it say about them

ScottFromWI

It's partly because they simply don't understand addiction. Most people don't and they never will. Heck, it's pretty difficult for the addict themselves to admit and acknowledge their addiction.

stephenrr

Absolutely experienced it. The only people that really seem to care are the ones I spend the most money paying to at least pretend to care.

PurpleKnight

The culture that I lived in and the people I surrounded myself with on weekends was all about drinking, and so telling someone I may need to stop drinking was always going to be met with a bit of a backlash, not drinking on the weekends to some is a foreign concept, especially to my former drinking buddies, and others that may be concerned about their own drinking don't maybe want to address the issues you're raising.

The reality is not many people want to know about your issues, that's why it's better to form connections with those that understand and are on the same journey!!

davaidavai

On my own 'journey' here, I've come to see how listening is a skill most people don't practice on a variety of levels, particularly when the topic is uncomfortable. Instead, knee jerk advice leaps in to fill the breach, which is basically the hand of society reaching in, taking control of whoever you are talking with, and getting them to try to bring you back into the fold of the status quo...I think it's sort of an interesting sober-headed experience, because you get to see how wedded to ideology we all are, how even so-called 'happy' things come from an avoidant place, how the smartest people out there are sometimes the most deaf.

Ken33xx

I never brought it up because unless they are family or a close friend why should they care?

Support groups which deal with alcoholism are a much better place to discuss drinking concerns.

UKstudent

well if we all had the "why should I care" attitude, the world would be a cold place.
it's not that i expected them to intervene in my life, more that I was shocked at their total dismissal of the serious information I'd shared with them, and I'm talking about friends and people in positions that carry a care of duty responsibility - such as teachers and university workers.

The point that they don't understand is true, and that makes sense, but the "why should they care" attitude applies to all types of problems and is certainly not how I approach other people seeking help

Che

The attitude is acceptable I think. It's very difficult to have sympathy for someone who continually hurts themselves and wants attention for it. A good deal of the time it's hard to people to tell if giving that person the attention they crave isn't feeding the problem. But then that person finds support groups of people who enable each other. That's one of the things that really feeds and make alcoholism real. Not being willing to admit what alcohol actually is, or why you drink it or what causes you to drink too much. Too many people are satisfied with the mysterious cyclical answer "I drink because I'm an alcoholic," and just leave it at that. It's a lot easier to stop drinking when you have a more concrete answer than that. That's when you really realise you've been trying to get the square into the triangle hole :P

Soberwolf

I understand you feel let down by close friends & by uni staff you have confided in about this & im truly sorry for that

Has your university got a addiction councillor or has links to addiction based services ? if you speak to your Gp about this, your local nhs hospital will have information on organisations that help alcoholics i got help from my local nhs hospital ask for the local community drug & alcohol team they can get you help with lots related to alcoholism

i done it & it really helped, when similar things were happening to me friendwise i knew i had to switch things up & keep the few who did care

Btw for what its worth i got faith in your recovery UkStudent