gnly

I'm going through withdrawal, I feel tense. There was about a month there recently when I barely drank and I felt really good. I started losing weight and waking up happy. Well all it took was some problem with some guy, and I went on a bender for a couple weeks, to emerge having gained all the weight back and feeling like human scum. I have gone to AA and it's not for me. Right now I'm going through withdrawal I feel tense. A huge motivator is just wanting to feel happy and attract good people. I experience issues with confidence which I think prevents me from making new friends. I really want my life to turn around. I have gone through so much stress in the past few years with school and stressful jobs. I quit the corporate world and I waitress full time now. I tell you what, I do not experience stress like I used to and now it's easier to work on myself. but I can't be a waitress forever. I have no clue what I'm going to do with my life and I'm almost 34 years old. I want to feel good about myself and lose weight. I think it took a couple weeks until I felt alright last time. Just have to keep going.

doggonecarl

There is a big difference between " month there recently when I barely drank" and long term sobriety. I think if you can stay sober a year, you will see remarkable improvement in the "feel good about myself" department.

Good luck.

ScottFromWI

Welcome back gnly, glad you've decided to seek sobriety once again. Whatever your career hold for you it will be much easier if you aren't drinking.

I would suggest that you will need some kind of formal sobriety plan, nearly all of us do. Simply "not drinking" doesn't teach us how to cope with life or deal with stress ( see the argument with your boyfriend ) without drinking. It doesn't necessarily have to be AA, but some structure and a daily commitment to purposefully work on sobriety is key. I'd also point out that a lot of people say that AA ( or other sobriety programs/plans ) "weren't for them". No matter what plan or path you chose, there are going to be parts that you do not agree with and things that you don't want to do. It will be uncomfortable at times and it will be hard work - but not nearly as bad as the fallout and eventual problems that drinking can cause.

One option to get started might be to join one of the Monthly threads in the Newcomers Section- the class of July would be a good one. That way you can start to interact on a daily basis with others in the same situation you are in.

gnly

I will look into th class! I can't stand AA. I like the messages and I took away a lot but the culture has too many cons for me. I've found a hobby that is practically contingent on sobriety. Plus I smoke marijuana and that does not disrupt my life or emotions the way drinking does. I don't smoke it every day, however drinking will grip me. I get addicted very easily and will drink daily which varies from one or two to two entire bottles of wine. I'm not worried about pot. I used to say: oh well I have pot so I don't have to drink. It's not like that anymore. I think removing harmful stressors and pursuing my new hobby has made a world of difference. I just want a fulfilling life and confidence around making friends. I also don't want to say I'll never drink again, I just don't want it to be a harmful part of my life anymore.

greens

Definitely new classes, either through school or whatever is a great idea.
there is also ,
meetup.com and other things - look for a local meditation group, art class, whatever your into so you can meet new, healthier people

thomas11

I also don't want to say I'll never drink again, I just don't want it to be a harmful part of my life anymore.

we all want that.

NewDay79

You don't have to say you will never drink again, you just have to say you won't drink today. Then when tomorrow comes, repeat what you said today. It really is one day at a time.

Path2Recovery

I really like that bolded part.

I'm essentially poor right now with no job and I made a commitment money wise , which I would have been able to fulfill had I not been drinking...

What I'm getting at is after a night of drinking I tell myself I won't drink , I eat , sober up , and then when night comes around I'm in a really good mood and promise myself I'll go to work the next day so it's okay , I can drink tonight. I end up drinking and the next day goes to ****. Rinse repeat for the last 5 weeks

I was doing so good yesterday , was sober for almost 24 hours , and then 6 oclock hit , I felt fine , and again I promised myself I could drink and I'd be okay the next day... I have an empty stomach , buy booze and tell myself I'll eat after I crack a beer... End up binge drinking , passing out at IDK what time , wake up at 3am feeling like **** and work is basically not happening... All the while my room mates pissed as **** because I'm 8 days late on rent.

Hevyn

You sound ready gnly. I'm happy to know you haven't given up on a better life for yourself.