Lenina

Sleepie, if the issue is rape you might call a rape crisis line and see if they can suggest a counselor at low fee or free. You seem to have intrusive thoughts so counseling for this would be good, short term.

And has your doctor recommended the benzo taper? Is there another medication that might be better for you? Have you looked into getting those books I recommended? You can order them on Amazon.

I had to work very hard to recover, Most of us do. Some of us require medication for periods of time while under a doctor's care. I did. It takes what it takes. I didn't want to be a drunk any more. I wanted to peaceful in my life. I had to let go of all the reasons I had to stay stuck in order to move ahead.

Get the help you need. don't let pride keep you down, The Addictive Voice is clever.

Love from Lenina

zjw

i get the whole pride thing and not getting on some kind of social services. This year I had to sign my kids up for the free gov health care. I coudl no longer afford the insurance through my job. Despite the politics that have gone on in this country healthcare became more and more unafforable for me. I was basicly forced on the Free governement stuff.

I dont look at as getting a hand out or something. I look at it as this is just hwo it is anymore in this country. We've created a system where some of us have no other choice but to go for some kind of systems help. Sure it stinks but its how it is and its at least available to us.

I'm gonna try and bite my tongue but I also feel that its not sustainable for this country to keep going the direction its going with these kinds of expenditures etc.. But in the meantime I'm going to take advantage of the help its how the system was designed and such.

now if i could just get free healthcare for myself.. Of course none of it is free we are all paying for it in higher premiums and taxes etc.. *sigh*

But dont think of it as a pride thing. Think of it as this is just how it is. through no fault of my own I found myself in this predicament. I was not happy about it. I should have signed up for it years ago for the kids but i had too much pride and i struggled making those payments till the bitter end. and I have a great deal of medical debt as well as a result of my pride.

sleepie

Thanks people... Lenina can you please PM me the titles of those books again? Then I will definitely write them down.
I am a consistent scatterbrain as noted by many throughout my life... if i don't do something now chances are it will never get done, so I forgot the titles of the books... duh.
I will probably try the youtube stuff. It's hard to let some things roll off your shoulders and at night it's always the worst. Sometimes I just get hit hard by an awful experience that I had to just suck up and bottle up when I was young because I had an abusive family that was of no help. Eventually I got out of there, but, you run and smile and get away, move out, have your own place, freedom at last. Maybe go no contact like I did with FOO (family of origin). Think you outran it.
Then the bad decisions start, maybe you were never taught how to cook, budget or live. Maybe you were never even taught normal self care stuff by your mother so your self image suffers. Maybe you have anxiety that is affecting you in ways you don't even realize though you are acting them out every day. And your past flickers farther and farther in the distance as the years go on but the ugly evidence of all it's fruition lies before you every day. And then you just realize one day, what really occurred, and it's your life, and it's rather overwhelming.

sleepie

To answer you SFomWI I am not too far into my taper. just down a notch, and another notch in a day. but first I switched from one drug to another.

Lenina

Sleepie, you have a PM. I hope it helps. You can get them at the library and if they aren't in stock, the library will order them for you!

we all have to start from somewhere. My anger drove me. but at a cost. Today, I am at peace most of the time. But it was hard work.

I know you can do it.

Love from Lenina

fini

butbutbut...there IS no free healthcare by the government!
you've paid for it!
you are paying for it from every tax dollar that's deducted.

it's there for you because you pay into it along with everyone else.