sleepie

All night I have just been up and always worried about something. Yes I know don't dwell on the past. But just something that happened in HS that felt wrong, with a guy. And I was terrified and the experience stayed with me. Like so many traumatic things in my past I ignored for years or simply forgot in all the chaos, sometimes it just intrudes and really, really bothers me.

least

trachemys

Know the upside? You can sleep all day if you want! I have to go to work. Tomorrow, too.

When we aren't anesthetizing ourselves, the sleepless nights come occasionally. The ones I hate are when I wake up once an hour. Both types of bad nights come less frequently as the body realigns with sobriety.

sleepie

Rapey memories disturb me.

Dee74

I'm sorry things from so long ago are still troubling you sleepie, but I understand why.
Have you had any help with dealing with that kind of trauma at all?

D

sleepie

I really never acknowledged it much.
So no, besides there is too much mess in my whole life and counselors are always at a loss. I have quit with counselors I think they are hacks and quacks.

Dee74

You probably know about this, but I have it on good authority these people are very good, should you ever want to talk about it with anyone.

https://rainn.org/

D

sleepie

I am fine until I am alone and worried and benzo taper is making things worse so stuff just comes to mind and I hear it is normal for things you shut out to bother you around my age.

sleepie

I wish sleeping pills worked so I could at least have that to look forward to instead of this drama every night in my head of my entire sh***y life replaying itself.

ScottFromWI

Where exactly are you in the benzo taper Sleepie? Perhaps it's time to revisit that with your therapist?

Soberwolf

I agree talking with a Dr or therapist is a wise move Sleepie & D's link is excellent

Venecia

I hope you can make arrangements for inpatient treatment, Sleepie.

In addition to the treatment for alcoholism, I'm sure there would be services to help you occupationally and with other life needs.

zjw

This happens to me a lot wake up wide awake and my mind is going 90mph rehashing all the garbage. Sometimes I can just be like why am i thinking about all this at this hour STOP STOP i dont want to think about this. and in an hour or so i can calm it down and get back to sleep. Other times i'm not as lucky. Lack of sleep is probaby my biggest problem these days. Lack of sleep contributes to a crummy mood poor focus on my work lack of concentration to do things lack of energy etc.... So its a pretty big problem. and yeah sleeping pills never do anything but make my life worse.

Hang in there. I have not found a solution to this myself yet per say. Its like our mind has a mind of its own and it just starts this nonsense up unprompted. I've gained better control But I still dont have a good solution. The past 2 weeks tho I've been trying CBD oil and knock on wood I only had 1 bad night.

Are you avoiding caffine? sometimes caffine can make this sorta thing worse for me.

Aellyce

I have a good method for racing thoughts at night, basically they are meditative exercises and work very well for me most of the time. But to be honest, I feel that you would need to address more than just a sleep problem, sleepie. Yes benzo taper might contribute so I also suggest talking to your doctor who supervises it. Other than these, I am with Venecia here on inpatient treatment. That might be able to address your problems more systematically in a protective environment. Again, I would raise this possibility with your doctor to see what sorts of options you might have.

huntingtontx

UTUBE has free sleep meditations music. They have talk downs, and guided. It really helped me a lot. Some of them last like eight hours. They take you out of yourself. When you can't stop your mind, it is called monkey mind. Not sure why, but I sure have had a time with it myself. Guided meditation really helps me.

sleepie

Cleaning lady is here where I am working again so I have to leave the house... I just really need to sleep. That's all I need.
I always have gigs and odd jobs, I would not be able to just do absolutely nothing. And I don't accept government help. That's my last point of pride that I can actually say for myself.
Anyway everyone always says the benzo taper os going to be horrible so I have to just put up with it. I just wish I had some good memories then at least maybe some of those would happen instead.

happybeingme

I have to say Sleepie having pride by not accepting government assistance is silly. It is harming you to not have it. Qualifying for Medicaid and or food stamps could be a great help. You work so it's not like you are a deadbeat sucking off the system.

Here's the thing. Do you actually want to get better or do you prefer being a victim? If you want to get better than you must explore every option out there. Check into the United Way and The Salvation Army to see what support groups and counseling programs they have. See if you can get employment assistance from Goodwill. These are non governmental agencies. And go apply for Medicaid and food stamps.

greens

I hear ya.
sometimes body memories pop out of nowhere. So violating and Intruding.

mcfearless

Which ones are you taking ? Have you considered if you might be suffering with restless leg syndrome ? There are vitamins that can help a lot with this in my experience. Magnesium and zinc supplements especially.

mcfearless

Agreed and I used these too and they help. At least they really help get your mind clean of the nonsense negative thoughts which eases us into sleep.