jande109

I've been in and out of AA for the past 4 years and I have not stayed sober. I have worked an honest program, been through the steps with a sponsor, and gone to daily meetings but I still relapse. I'm starting to wonder is AA is not for me? I think it's a great place to meet sober people but I feel like there have to be alternatives to AA out there. In the program they say doing the same thing and expecting different results is the definition of insanity, but sometimes I think that's what I'm doing with AA. I want to find something that works. I'm sick of disappointing myself and my family. I'm going to start seeing a therapist again next week and I am currently in an out patient treatment group that meets once a week. Has anyone else had this experience and if so what did you do about it? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

ScottFromWI

There are many different recovery methods, AA is only one. Outpatient rehab and therapy sound like some good places to start, glad you are seeking them.

Keep in mind though that there is no recovery program that will do the work for you. You need to honestly follow the plan ( whatever it may be ) and do whatever it takes to make it work. At the end of the day, picking up a drink or not is a conscious choice that only you can make.

JeffreyAK

I couldn't make AA work for me either, but there are lots of alternatives. SMART is large group that even has meetings in KS (though maybe not close to you), Lifering has some good literature and online support mostly in the form of email lists, Rational Recovery has some good literature, Secular Organizations for Sobriety has some good literature. There's nothing magic about any group or philosophy, so sobriety is a matter of finding something (or more than one thing) that feels right and is supportive, AND of not drinking no matter what happens.

Dee74

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players, including but not limited to AA:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

check all the links out

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

D

advbike

Some people do well with AA, some don't. I went early on, and occasionally still go to men's group meetings, but found my biggest source of inspiration and support came from my therapist (who ironically has 20 years in AA), as well as the SR community. Finding a good therapist with addiction experience is invaluable.

That said, there's a difference between sobriety and recovery and I often am reminded of the benefits of working through a full 12 step program, and wish I had done so. Where I'm living now it's simply not possible.

IOAA2

Hi.

My first couple of years in AA didn’t work for me because I wanted to drink more than I wanted to be sober AND I wasn’t honest with myself about my drinking which prohibited me from accepting the idea that I could not drink safety.

I see today after many years in recovery many people around AA as opposed to being in it. As stated ½ measures avail us nothing. It’s work to maintain recovery and many of our priorities for sobriety lessen as time goes on.

AA and other programs will work IF we work them on a one day at a time daily basis because this is a progressive disease, like it or not.

BE WELL

AnyLengths

AA won't get you to quit drinking. I believe AA will help you live sober.

I wasn't open to AA or any method of recovery until I my desire to quit drinking was greater than my desire to drink. On Day One I wanted to drink 49.999 percent and I wanted to stay sober 50.001 percent, so it was touch and go.

But nothing will work if you continue to drink. Simple as that.

And yes -- it is simple as that.

mick3580

1. Did you do the steps as laid out in the big book? I ask mainly because nearly every person I have ever heard say they did the steps and it didn't work either left huge chunks of the work out or they did the steps slowly and/or uses some other variation of the steps rather than the original formula in the big book?

2. Since you did the steps, do you mean that you practiced step 12, which involves taking other people through the steps?

JeffreyAK

I've never understood why, when someone says they can't make AA work and is looking for alternatives, folks suggest trying even harder to make AA work. I know for me at least, early on, that was absolutely not what I needed to hear, because it suggested I was somehow flawed for not being able to make it work, and was doomed to just keep drinking unless I figured it out somehow, which was a green light to just keep drinking.

esinger

There's many alternatives as already mentioned. Don't let fear of change or group pressure stop you from discovering what works for you. It's YOUR recovery. That being said, nothing will work if you don't make it work.

Lance40

+1

Please people - offer the poster the support which is being asked for which is alternatives to AA. There is a reason the poster is asking the specific questions, and you should consider that your well-intentioned push for AA may be causing harm.

mick3580

I understand what you're saying entirely. That was not my intent at all.

mick3580

I hear what you are saying but I'm not so sure that the only thing asked for was alternatives to aa. I've had my own struggles to make aa, which is my chosen method work for me.

ScottFromWI

Please keep the thread on topic folks.

mick3580

My fault entirely. Sorry about that.

oak

I can relate to what you wrote.

For me, I think unresolved childhood trauma made staying sober difficult. Therapy, especially EMDR therapy, helped me a lot.

I also tried Women for Sobriety, SMART, LifeRing, & Refuge Recovery. Most of those options have online forums and online meetings.

You mention therapy and outpatient treatment. I hope they are both useful.

I loved the book, Sober for Good. It has a very hopeful view of recovery.

uncle holmes

I hope and pray you make it through this battle! I too had problems staying sober through AA. It wasn't working. My relapses were only getting worse even while praying every morning, going to meetings, working the steps. This went on for my first 10 years while in AA!

I substituted a therapist for AA who I thought was the wisest man on earth. He also happened to be a recovering alcoholic. Nevertheless, I still got drunk and my relapses continued to get worse!

Enough was enough! Out of hopeless desperation I decided to check myself into another treatment facility. I was introduced to the book "Staying Sober: A Guide For Relapse Prevention" by Terence T. Gorski and Merlene Miller.

My God! This was the answer! Everything in that book was me to a tee! I began to stay sober while using the relapse prevention method philosophy while combining it with AA and the 12 steps.

I had to be careful talking about this at AA meetings because many members in AA don't like to hear about the word "relapse" or any other program other than the 12 steps. Rightfully so this can confuse what the AA message is so I respected that and kept the relapse prevention philosophy to myself.

I eventually dropped the relapse prevention philosophy and went 100% AA and the 12 step method and was brainwashed into being a Big Book thumper! Yes, that was me finally pounding the BB message to other members!

At first it made me angry that I had to go through this and be like this! Now after 23 years of continuous sobriety I can laugh at this and say I probably needed a little brainwashing after being so messed up!

So my advice to you is to get the book "Staying Sober" by Terrence Gorski and Merlene Miller and combining the relapse prevention method with AA and the 12 steps!

readerbaby71

Sober for Good is a great book. I also love the Women for Sobriety program, Refuge Recovery, and The Heart of Recovery, which is based on Shamhala Buddhist teachings. Find what works for you and keep trying! It's all about empowering and loving yourself. Good luck.