What's fair to expect from a significant other?
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What's fair to expect from a significant other?
I started getting some weeks of sobriety back in December when I was not working and was living off a weeee bit of savings with a little help from my boyfriend. It was the longest I'd been sober in weeks. Knowing he was there for me helped so much. Later though he revealed it stressed him out- but at the same time he would say he was happy to do things for me, or help me out or whatever.
So I have been getting more and more sober time but usually fall off a few times a month.
He recently helped me a bit with paying for a Dr. to get me off benzoes, but then guilted me a bunch over it (he makes plenty of money, I make six dollars an hour and have to work a much longer day, plus he works at home so kind of does whatever he wants with lots of breaks).
SO I am unsure- am I to do this totally alone with no support at all? I thought couples were supposed to be there for each other? And he says one thing but then guilts me about it.
He has actually had a pretty easy life. Really, really easy compared to most. First world problems don't even begin to describe the laments he has.
I suggested breaking up because I don't want to be guilted about things- I went through that growing up- my number one offense being born and ruining everything because I was an unwanted pregnancy. I was often reminded about that one. Being guilt tripped really really triggers me and I have been drinking this week.
So I have been getting more and more sober time but usually fall off a few times a month.
He recently helped me a bit with paying for a Dr. to get me off benzoes, but then guilted me a bunch over it (he makes plenty of money, I make six dollars an hour and have to work a much longer day, plus he works at home so kind of does whatever he wants with lots of breaks).
SO I am unsure- am I to do this totally alone with no support at all? I thought couples were supposed to be there for each other? And he says one thing but then guilts me about it.
He has actually had a pretty easy life. Really, really easy compared to most. First world problems don't even begin to describe the laments he has.
I suggested breaking up because I don't want to be guilted about things- I went through that growing up- my number one offense being born and ruining everything because I was an unwanted pregnancy. I was often reminded about that one. Being guilt tripped really really triggers me and I have been drinking this week.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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Sounds like the strong you is trying to come out to me. You sound a bit conflicted and doubting yourself and your convictions of what a relationship should be like.
you guys are only dating and not married so some may not agree with what I say. and believe me i'm not the first one to be giving relationship advice. But I guess i've been married for 16 years and have 6 kids maybe it accts for something but who knows these days.
My 2 cents? He should be doing everything within his power to be unconditionally supportive of you getting healthy. and if you slip up and if you fall down he should hopefuly be there to help coushin your fall and help lift you back up again. Like wise you should be doing the exact same in return for him withiin your power and your capablities. This is what it takes in a serious relationship. Relationships fall apart when one or both parties decide they do not want to do that anymore regardless of there reasons.
He should S*** or get off the pot basicly. But you cant also expect this of him either. You have have humility and he has to want to do these things for you on his own etc.. Just as you should want to do these things for him on your own.
In a relationship in my mind that is perfect each party wants to give there best gifts to the other at all times seeking nothing in return. Being married and such should be a like a sleep over party at your best friends house that never ends.
But I dunno maybe i'm old fashioned maybe he should worry about his own dang responsiblities and issues first and foremost etc... what do i know. maybe i just describe a perfect world that will never exist *sigh*
If i where you I'd also try and not be envious of his problem free existence. If he truely has such a good life as you decribe hey great for him. But dont let your frustrations with that create a bitterness inside of you that also is not healthy and wont serve you any good but make you feel crummy.
Ok i'll shutup now. Like i said in the begining my relationship advice might be terrible lol.
you guys are only dating and not married so some may not agree with what I say. and believe me i'm not the first one to be giving relationship advice. But I guess i've been married for 16 years and have 6 kids maybe it accts for something but who knows these days.
My 2 cents? He should be doing everything within his power to be unconditionally supportive of you getting healthy. and if you slip up and if you fall down he should hopefuly be there to help coushin your fall and help lift you back up again. Like wise you should be doing the exact same in return for him withiin your power and your capablities. This is what it takes in a serious relationship. Relationships fall apart when one or both parties decide they do not want to do that anymore regardless of there reasons.
He should S*** or get off the pot basicly. But you cant also expect this of him either. You have have humility and he has to want to do these things for you on his own etc.. Just as you should want to do these things for him on your own.
In a relationship in my mind that is perfect each party wants to give there best gifts to the other at all times seeking nothing in return. Being married and such should be a like a sleep over party at your best friends house that never ends.
But I dunno maybe i'm old fashioned maybe he should worry about his own dang responsiblities and issues first and foremost etc... what do i know. maybe i just describe a perfect world that will never exist *sigh*
If i where you I'd also try and not be envious of his problem free existence. If he truely has such a good life as you decribe hey great for him. But dont let your frustrations with that create a bitterness inside of you that also is not healthy and wont serve you any good but make you feel crummy.
Ok i'll shutup now. Like i said in the begining my relationship advice might be terrible lol.
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I understand it's not his responsibility to fix my life. But I am so hungry to experience what true caring feels like. He makes me feel that way but then takes it away when he guilt trips me even if he doesn't mean to.
When I am feeling good I am there 110 percent for my friends and anyone. But lately I haven't been due to stress. Today I was supposed to finally have off but here I am at work again. I cannot say no to someone else's needs it seems. That's also something my boyfriend has gotten mad about. I even end up working for free for friends and I don't say no because I don't want to lose their friendship. I think they assume I am playing poor or something or I have a trust fund or something because of where I went to school? I am for real poor.
When I am feeling good I am there 110 percent for my friends and anyone. But lately I haven't been due to stress. Today I was supposed to finally have off but here I am at work again. I cannot say no to someone else's needs it seems. That's also something my boyfriend has gotten mad about. I even end up working for free for friends and I don't say no because I don't want to lose their friendship. I think they assume I am playing poor or something or I have a trust fund or something because of where I went to school? I am for real poor.
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I don't think it's possible to make generalizations about what every person in a committed relationship should be able to expect from their partner -- and it wouldn't really help you much anyway. The fact is, what you expect and want from YOUR partner -- he has shown you he can't give freely without making you pay for it somehow.
In my opinion, a successful relationship is one where each person accepts each other and themselves for exactly who they are right now and still chooses to build a life a together. That might look different to different people, but at the heart of it -- if you want something from a relationship and your current partner can't give it? You're not doing yourself or your partner any favors by sticking with it and hoping things will change.
I come from the codependent side of the boards. I could see my ex's potential from a mile away, but I couldn't make him become that person on my schedule. And I was making both of us miserable by trying.
As I see it, sleepie, you are in a fight for your life for recovery and sobriety. Anyone who isn't in your corner isn't worth your time, and it isn't worth your time or energy to try to force people into your corner yourself. You deserve a partner who can give you the kind of support you need without needing you to feel guilty about it.
As far as money goes, however, working towards financial independence yourself is a path you will never regret following. Separating money out of my personal relationships has made a world of difference to me, and empowered me to be able to count on myself first and foremost.
Sending lots of strength and courage and clarity as you work through this.
In my opinion, a successful relationship is one where each person accepts each other and themselves for exactly who they are right now and still chooses to build a life a together. That might look different to different people, but at the heart of it -- if you want something from a relationship and your current partner can't give it? You're not doing yourself or your partner any favors by sticking with it and hoping things will change.
I come from the codependent side of the boards. I could see my ex's potential from a mile away, but I couldn't make him become that person on my schedule. And I was making both of us miserable by trying.
As I see it, sleepie, you are in a fight for your life for recovery and sobriety. Anyone who isn't in your corner isn't worth your time, and it isn't worth your time or energy to try to force people into your corner yourself. You deserve a partner who can give you the kind of support you need without needing you to feel guilty about it.
As far as money goes, however, working towards financial independence yourself is a path you will never regret following. Separating money out of my personal relationships has made a world of difference to me, and empowered me to be able to count on myself first and foremost.
Sending lots of strength and courage and clarity as you work through this.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
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But I am so hungry to experience what true caring feels like
Why not try some self-care first? That way you'll have experienced what genuine caring looks and feels like, and you'll perhaps have a clearer idea about what caring means to you and looks like in a relationship. That worked for me.
Wish you well
Why not try some self-care first? That way you'll have experienced what genuine caring looks and feels like, and you'll perhaps have a clearer idea about what caring means to you and looks like in a relationship. That worked for me.
Wish you well
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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well you cant be so nice that you get taken advantage of and you cant be so nice that it takes a piece of you that stretches you too thin that you cannot manage your own basic needs well. For example my mother will give anyone the shirt off her back she'll do anything for anyone else all while her life is falling to pieces and she cant manage to do anything about it. You dont want to be that person either.
Some might go so far as to say dont try and do squat for anyone else until your strong enough all on your own as it might just pull you down instead. I think there is a lot of truth in that but you also miss out on the joy of doing things for others too so Ig uess you gotta just be careful?
you are right to feel that it is not his responsibility. You should not expect anything from him. But in my head it should be his pleasure to do whatever he can for you regardless of anything else.
I dunno maybe he's holding back because of what ever issues he has I cant speak for him.
can you politely tell him this? it makes me feel this way when you do that etc.. i'm only saying etc...
I like the song all of me by john legend on what a good relationship should be like lol its a bit sappy but hey i think it has a good message.
I also went to wealthy schools with my brother as well. kind where other students have a porche or mercedes or something and you dont even have a car and mom picks you up late after she gets off work in her s***box lol. we where dirt poor. Then people dont understand why you simply cant afford this or that lol. oh well such is life.
Some might go so far as to say dont try and do squat for anyone else until your strong enough all on your own as it might just pull you down instead. I think there is a lot of truth in that but you also miss out on the joy of doing things for others too so Ig uess you gotta just be careful?
you are right to feel that it is not his responsibility. You should not expect anything from him. But in my head it should be his pleasure to do whatever he can for you regardless of anything else.
I dunno maybe he's holding back because of what ever issues he has I cant speak for him.
He makes me feel that way but then takes it away when he guilt trips me even if he doesn't mean to.
I like the song all of me by john legend on what a good relationship should be like lol its a bit sappy but hey i think it has a good message.
I also went to wealthy schools with my brother as well. kind where other students have a porche or mercedes or something and you dont even have a car and mom picks you up late after she gets off work in her s***box lol. we where dirt poor. Then people dont understand why you simply cant afford this or that lol. oh well such is life.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Hello Sleepie,
Does your BF feel used and tired of your cycle of addiction? What do you bring to the relationship? Are you always taking (financially & emotionally)? Just because he has it so good he should give, give, give?
As for support, I kicked my husband out of the house when he couldn't find his way out of his alcoholism. So your expectations of support from a S.O. might be a bit unrealistic in what 'support' should actually entail. Your boyfriend might be warning you with the guilty statements that he's about done being your enabler... Oddly enough, stopping the enabling led my husband to going inpatient and dedicating himself to starting his life over sober.
Good luck.
Does your BF feel used and tired of your cycle of addiction? What do you bring to the relationship? Are you always taking (financially & emotionally)? Just because he has it so good he should give, give, give?
As for support, I kicked my husband out of the house when he couldn't find his way out of his alcoholism. So your expectations of support from a S.O. might be a bit unrealistic in what 'support' should actually entail. Your boyfriend might be warning you with the guilty statements that he's about done being your enabler... Oddly enough, stopping the enabling led my husband to going inpatient and dedicating himself to starting his life over sober.
Good luck.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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Originally Posted by biminiblue 
I'm going along with CodeJob on this. We have seen you relapse over and over again. It isn't his fault - it's all on you.
Why not stop completely and see where it takes you?
Why not stop completely and see where it takes you?
Biminiblue brings up a great point tho if you totally quit you cant remove that from the equation and he can no longer use it as an excuse or it can no longer be a possible issue.
The flip side to that however is sometimes the relationship dynamic goes really south when the one partner suddenly becomes healthy etc.. But you can cross that bridge when and if you get to it.
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Does your BF feel used and tired of your cycle of addiction? What do you bring to the relationship? Are you always taking (financially & emotionally)? Just because he has it so good he should give, give, give?
I come home from ten hour work days and give him back rubs. I am emotionally supportive towards him, and he knows nothing about being emotionally supportive- the concept is lost on him.
I take pride in being able to pay my way and refuse to even allow him to buy food for me now or even give me a ride somewhere. But maybe he sees me as a drain and does not tell me so. He was always making a big deal out of how much money he makes. Maybe he just wants to rub it in my face, I absolutely HATE taking help from him and gave him money whenever I could. Trust me, I am not a selfish person. That's why I work 5 ten hour days in a row so others can have their free time. I have met his family and they love me. I listen to his mother happily while he just gets annoyed by her "chatter". We have very different backgrounds where I suffer from an abusive past and he has only known support and unconditional love. And yes, he should appreciate that. It sickens me to see how he takes that for granted.
Since HE was the one who always said he wanted to help me, it was kind of a slap in the face to guilt me over it. And I am not a game player-I don't do passive aggressiveness. If he feels I am a strain, he should say so and be direct and speak with me like an adult in stead of letting me guess everything like I always do because he doesn't "do" emotions.
And, he started going on daily walks and eating healthier because of me. I literally put the cooked veggies on his plate after I make them, when I have time. I thought that since I care about him, his health matters to me.
But I guess we're just 2 people on our own- if my problems are all on me, then his are all on him. He's obese, I genuinely care about that.
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Sleepie, are you open with your boyfriend? There was a time a few weeks ago that you went to work hungry and I remember you were angry with him for not bringing you food. But you hadn't asked him to bring you food, you just thought he should know and do it. You stated that you don't do passive-aggressive behavior, but that's what that is.
Just make sure you are being as explicit as you possibly can with him.
I have found that I'm guilty of being a typical guy like the one Dave Barry describes in the passage I have linked here:
He Said, She Said by Dave Barry
Just make sure you are being as explicit as you possibly can with him.
I have found that I'm guilty of being a typical guy like the one Dave Barry describes in the passage I have linked here:
He Said, She Said by Dave Barry
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He never throws drinking in my face because he drink s right in front of me. Let me paint a clearer picture.
His solution to everything is do nothing- just throw money at things. So, he doesn't exactly "give, give, give".
He hates visiting my friends because he's an "introvert". Fine. I painted a HUGE mural recently and it broke my heart he wouldn't even just come inside just to see it. Because then he would have to say "Hi" to people. I put hours of work in to that and I just wanted him to be proud of me.
I happily and genuinely listen with interest to everything he says and does about his hobby, and then he tells me I am "laying it on thick" when I compliment him. That really makes me ashamed.
He hates driving anywhere unless it's to go where he wants to go.
He generally dislikes people and leaving his apartment and I am supposed to understand that it's just "how programmers are". He's special, he's an introvert, he's a programmer, he can't visit my friends without me paying for it later and he has to drink to even be around other people since he "has nothing in common with them".
Meanwhile I am one hundred ten percent there for all his family activities and even arranged for one so I could spend more time with his parents even though it terrified me, because I had nothing but abuse and know nothing of what families are actually like.
On his birthday? I saved for weeks on my meager pay to give him the birthday he wanted.
On mine? He just said "I'll take you shopping". No card, nothing. Just "The bank is open" which was so insulting on SO many levels I cannot even start thinking about it.
His solution to everything is do nothing- just throw money at things. So, he doesn't exactly "give, give, give".
He hates visiting my friends because he's an "introvert". Fine. I painted a HUGE mural recently and it broke my heart he wouldn't even just come inside just to see it. Because then he would have to say "Hi" to people. I put hours of work in to that and I just wanted him to be proud of me.
I happily and genuinely listen with interest to everything he says and does about his hobby, and then he tells me I am "laying it on thick" when I compliment him. That really makes me ashamed.
He hates driving anywhere unless it's to go where he wants to go.
He generally dislikes people and leaving his apartment and I am supposed to understand that it's just "how programmers are". He's special, he's an introvert, he's a programmer, he can't visit my friends without me paying for it later and he has to drink to even be around other people since he "has nothing in common with them".
Meanwhile I am one hundred ten percent there for all his family activities and even arranged for one so I could spend more time with his parents even though it terrified me, because I had nothing but abuse and know nothing of what families are actually like.
On his birthday? I saved for weeks on my meager pay to give him the birthday he wanted.
On mine? He just said "I'll take you shopping". No card, nothing. Just "The bank is open" which was so insulting on SO many levels I cannot even start thinking about it.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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be direct with him assert yourself explain your feelings and concerns and such. Tho you sound like the type of person I dont have to tell this too. I know i personally need my wife to slap me upside the head and yes she has to scream at me after telling me for the umpteenth time to do wtvr because i blew her off all the previous times cause i was stuck in my own little world.
it sounds like with his upbringing since he doesnt understand the lack of he doesnt realize what he has / had. Sometimes people dunno what they got till its gone etc... You almost cant blame him for being how he is with the upbringing he has had. if his upbringing is how you descirbe and his life as peachy as you decribe why should he behave any different. He's never been on your side of the street it sounds like never had to go through that sort of stuff he probably cant even begin to understand it. and it can be hard for people to have empathy and support of people who are going through things they cant grasp and understand.
Maybe understand he doesnt understand? My step father was abusive life was hell as a child. Someone told me he was doing his best to raise me. I cried BS that was not the best he could do that was crap he screwed me rararararara. This person said maybe so but this was /his best/ that was the best he was capable of crap essentially. I tried to hold him to a higher standard he clearly just was not capable of. Once I got that I thought well i guess that makes sense then. I'm not entirely sure i've totally forgivin this man but knowing that gave me a better understanding.
maybe your boyfriend is just doing /his best/? maybe he's not capable of much more?
I'm just giving him the benefit of the doubt I really have no idea.
it sounds like with his upbringing since he doesnt understand the lack of he doesnt realize what he has / had. Sometimes people dunno what they got till its gone etc... You almost cant blame him for being how he is with the upbringing he has had. if his upbringing is how you descirbe and his life as peachy as you decribe why should he behave any different. He's never been on your side of the street it sounds like never had to go through that sort of stuff he probably cant even begin to understand it. and it can be hard for people to have empathy and support of people who are going through things they cant grasp and understand.
Maybe understand he doesnt understand? My step father was abusive life was hell as a child. Someone told me he was doing his best to raise me. I cried BS that was not the best he could do that was crap he screwed me rararararara. This person said maybe so but this was /his best/ that was the best he was capable of crap essentially. I tried to hold him to a higher standard he clearly just was not capable of. Once I got that I thought well i guess that makes sense then. I'm not entirely sure i've totally forgivin this man but knowing that gave me a better understanding.
maybe your boyfriend is just doing /his best/? maybe he's not capable of much more?
I'm just giving him the benefit of the doubt I really have no idea.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
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Hi sleepie.
I've been married a long time. I'm in recovery and my husband is an active alcoholic. He is generally supportive of whatever I choose to do, but doesn't feel the need to join me.
Relationships can be difficult without the extra burden of alcoholism. It sounds like you have some concerns about your relationship in general. My advice would be to put all your efforts into getting some sober time under your belt. I'm not suggesting this will be easy, it isn't for me, I've got a fridge full of beer and a drunken partner most weekends, and although he doesn't actively encourage me to do so, it would be easy to join him.
With some sober time, you will be able to see things differently and more clearly, enabling you to make decisions.
The vital thing is that you stay sober and learn to value yourself, whether you have his support or not. Everything else will fall into place after that x
I've been married a long time. I'm in recovery and my husband is an active alcoholic. He is generally supportive of whatever I choose to do, but doesn't feel the need to join me.
Relationships can be difficult without the extra burden of alcoholism. It sounds like you have some concerns about your relationship in general. My advice would be to put all your efforts into getting some sober time under your belt. I'm not suggesting this will be easy, it isn't for me, I've got a fridge full of beer and a drunken partner most weekends, and although he doesn't actively encourage me to do so, it would be easy to join him.
With some sober time, you will be able to see things differently and more clearly, enabling you to make decisions.
The vital thing is that you stay sober and learn to value yourself, whether you have his support or not. Everything else will fall into place after that x
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All I wanted was to be considered. When you have to tell someone to do everything it means they are never thinking of you. At all.
I am the kind of person who goes "Wow I am burned the f*** out from my ten hour day and 45 minute bike ride home but maybe my guy would like some attention" Or "I'll go ahead and arrange for a visit with his parents because I see how happy it makes him and how he LOVES that his parents see he has a girlfriend". He doesn't have to tell me to do it.
I am the kind of person who goes "Wow I am burned the f*** out from my ten hour day and 45 minute bike ride home but maybe my guy would like some attention" Or "I'll go ahead and arrange for a visit with his parents because I see how happy it makes him and how he LOVES that his parents see he has a girlfriend". He doesn't have to tell me to do it.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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You really can't "expect" any certain level of support from any individual sleepie. Have you sat down with him and explained exactly what you do expect in regards to your recovery? It's possible he simply doesn't know. It's also possible that he knows but is resentful of your repeated relapses. It's also possible that he is not as invested in the relationship as you are....that happens unfortunately.
The real crux of the matter though is that you don't even have expectations for yourself in recovery. You need to fix that first. Once you have a plan and a goal, you can work with others around you to reach it.
The real crux of the matter though is that you don't even have expectations for yourself in recovery. You need to fix that first. Once you have a plan and a goal, you can work with others around you to reach it.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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Originally Posted by sleepie
He never throws drinking in my face because he drink s right in front of me. Let me paint a clearer picture.
His solution to everything is do nothing- just throw money at things. So, he doesn't exactly "give, give, give".
He hates visiting my friends because he's an "introvert". Fine. I painted a HUGE mural recently and it broke my heart he wouldn't even just come inside just to see it. Because then he would have to say "Hi" to people. I put hours of work in to that and I just wanted him to be proud of me.
I happily and genuinely listen with interest to everything he says and does about his hobby, and then he tells me I am "laying it on thick" when I compliment him. That really makes me ashamed.
He hates driving anywhere unless it's to go where he wants to go.
He generally dislikes people and leaving his apartment and I am supposed to understand that it's just "how programmers are". He's special, he's an introvert, he's a programmer, he can't visit my friends without me paying for it later and he has to drink to even be around other people since he "has nothing in common with them".
Meanwhile I am one hundred ten percent there for all his family activities and even arranged for one so I could spend more time with his parents even though it terrified me, because I had nothing but abuse and know nothing of what families are actually like.
On his birthday? I saved for weeks on my meager pay to give him the birthday he wanted.
On mine? He just said "I'll take you shopping". No card, nothing. Just "The bank is open" which was so insulting on SO many levels I cannot even start thinking about it.
His solution to everything is do nothing- just throw money at things. So, he doesn't exactly "give, give, give".
He hates visiting my friends because he's an "introvert". Fine. I painted a HUGE mural recently and it broke my heart he wouldn't even just come inside just to see it. Because then he would have to say "Hi" to people. I put hours of work in to that and I just wanted him to be proud of me.
I happily and genuinely listen with interest to everything he says and does about his hobby, and then he tells me I am "laying it on thick" when I compliment him. That really makes me ashamed.
He hates driving anywhere unless it's to go where he wants to go.
He generally dislikes people and leaving his apartment and I am supposed to understand that it's just "how programmers are". He's special, he's an introvert, he's a programmer, he can't visit my friends without me paying for it later and he has to drink to even be around other people since he "has nothing in common with them".
Meanwhile I am one hundred ten percent there for all his family activities and even arranged for one so I could spend more time with his parents even though it terrified me, because I had nothing but abuse and know nothing of what families are actually like.
On his birthday? I saved for weeks on my meager pay to give him the birthday he wanted.
On mine? He just said "I'll take you shopping". No card, nothing. Just "The bank is open" which was so insulting on SO many levels I cannot even start thinking about it.
Point some of htis out to him politely and nicely. No card no nothing explain you dont expect crap but a bit more thought rather then the bank is open would be nice. I know some wealthy folks I'd so much rather have 5 minutes of there time then any amt of money they wanna huck at me.
maybe he can or wont change and you have to accept him or not as he is?
You should take some of these concerns to him and try and talk to him about it nicely etc... you have valid concerns.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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food for thought I posted here at my 1 year anniversary complaining no one in my house noticed or cared. yest was my 4th again it came and went and no one cared or noticed. I'm sure sooner or later maybe a week from now my wife will go hey isnt it your 4 year soon?
anyhow people quickly pointed out to me on this board that why should they notice or care. booze and recovery isnt a problem for them its notsomething they can even grasp or relate too. basicly in my case I had to get over myself thinking i was gonna get some big celebration at home for my hard work. if i wanted the support and the celebration for being sober i had to go to AA or come here to get it. people here and in AA other non alcholics simply dont.
not to say my wifes not been supportive shes been great but there is a difference between her support and the support one might find here.
anyhow people quickly pointed out to me on this board that why should they notice or care. booze and recovery isnt a problem for them its notsomething they can even grasp or relate too. basicly in my case I had to get over myself thinking i was gonna get some big celebration at home for my hard work. if i wanted the support and the celebration for being sober i had to go to AA or come here to get it. people here and in AA other non alcholics simply dont.
not to say my wifes not been supportive shes been great but there is a difference between her support and the support one might find here.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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if you dont mind me asking you work these long 10 hour days and your ride your bike does he not have a car or is unable to give you a ride?
Im a programmer myself my hours are not late nights i'd be able to give my significatn other a ride vs having her ride a bike etc..
I dont want to overstep my bounds just curious.
Im a programmer myself my hours are not late nights i'd be able to give my significatn other a ride vs having her ride a bike etc..
I dont want to overstep my bounds just curious.
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