zjw

but.... if you overcome the drinking it would be one less problem. and I think it could help a lot of other areas of your life as well. You may still have your root problems.

I think at the end of the day that was kind of a scary thing here i am sober but i'm still not perfect at first that was a scary thing then I started to accept it.

I almost wonder if you've had enough sober time to get a taste / a good honest glimpse at yourself and your life and it scares you a bit. Overwhelms you some etc.. IE you come out of the fog some and go GASP and kind wanna run back into the fog but kinda dont too not sure what to do?

Aellyce

I have recommended this to many people here on SR before who seek something helpful with self acceptance.
The Self-Acceptance Project

It's completely free, does not even require a true subscription, just enter an email address and you can access everything. It's a variety of video and audio lectures and discussions by people with interest and contribution to psychology, spirituality, arts etc in relation to self-acceptance. I think some are really good and also have practical tips. When I first found this website, I watched one video each evening, they are not too long.

sleepie

I see what you're saying SfromWI.
I really don't mean to use my situation as an excuse. Thing is, and I have posed this question to counselors in the past- my situation was the same before I ever drank. Same low wages, same hard living situation, same constant stress from being unable to manage my life. All due to a disorder I found out I have rather late in life. So, knowing that things won't improve much by quitting since they were not too good before, it is hard to stay motivated to maintain sobriety, which is such a long road.
If I had the resources to see a neuropsychologist and get help in learning how to manage my life a little better it would be a different story. Yet due to the disorder I don't have what it takes to generate the income necessary to afford such help.
I think it's a catch 22.
So anyway, that's my story. I'm just saying it's kind of hard to be inspired or motivated when you already know from many years of hard lived experience and repeated disappointments despite hard efforts that life is going to be more challenging and less rewarding for me than for many, whether I am drinking or not.
Please don't read that as an excuse to drink. I am just really trying to make my situation clear. I get very lonely and discouraged about this.

sleepie

Thank you Haennie I will look into that and maybe try the one a day thing after work.

zjw

for what its worth i have very self destructive tendancies. thats the best way i can describe it. its like on some other level I'll make bad decision after bad decision to screw myself. ya know the old "oh well if i loose my job who cares" then wala jobs gone "if i loose my hosue who cares" wala house gone etc.. "if i do X the bad Y thing willl happen oh well who cares". Or I'll unknowingly make a bad choice and thing whatever this is just one more bad thing that will happen in my bad life.

what helped me break from that was just making positive choices no matter how much I didnt want too day in and day out. I wont lie that underlying negative current is still there. I run daily do you think i always want too? Oh hell no. I eat healthy do you think i want too? Absolutly not. But in so doing time and time again i've come to realize the fruit of it. the benefit of it. that keeps me doing it. and I gotta force myself sometimes to make good choices.

On some level I kinda get what your saying at the ned of the day your still going to have these problems at the end of the day you'll still have your condition etc.. I really thought i could over come my negative thinking etc.. I'm realizing now I might not ever overcome that its juts how i'm wired. But i'm learning how to accept it and work with it and utilize it to my advantage where possible.

I think thats the place you hopefully can get too. That acceptance part. so many days I stayed sober for no friggen reason other then to just stay sober. I totally hated my existance when i sobered up. and day after friggen day i'd go to bed at night and thing welp? another CRAP day but at least i was sober today *sigh* and i'd get up and do it all over again. in time i stopped having that tho and I started to find and get more things to be greatful for. but it was not easy.

sleepie

Thanks people this has been an illuminating thread.

2muchpain

At the meeting I go to, the women are very protective of each other. Any guy with inappropriate thoughts better keep them to himself if he wants to see the sun rise again. Any chance you can hook up with other women at the meetings you go to? Also, what about women only meetings? John

paulokes

The phrase "Terminally Unique" comes to mind. In the best possible way sleepie each and every one of us had and has our own problems, and these are the things we each have to address in our sober journeys. Noone can walk them for us.

But be careful...the classic excuse is "it's different for me. Anyone with my problems would drink". If I can venture a direct remark...this is you killing you slowly if you continue as you are. It really is noone elses business and you're not hurting anyone more than you're hurting yourself. Continuing to make excuses...is just you cheating you.

A morning drink then work is not good, by anyones standards. Careful with the minimizing.

P

Dee74

I think most people know I have cerebral palsy - and I felt a lot like this for a very long time.

Unfortunately my 'medicine' for dealing with life and my anger and frustration was actually poisoning me - literally and figuratively.

Giving up my 'medicine' was hard - but I'm glad I did it, and I'm glad I stuck to it.

my advice to you, Sleepie and anyone else reading - is never settle for the status quo...if you want better, you can find it.

Noone deserves to settle for second best
D

2muchpain

I get a lot of inspiration from the stories I hear at AA meetings. Some of the stories are very hard to hear. What some of them had to deal with is beyond words. I'm amazed some of these people are still functioning at all. It's also a good reality check for me. One lady went through hell since she was a child. She is also blind. Today, she has a well-paying job at a military base. Many stories like this.
I to have had to deal with a problem since I was a child. I have never talked about it to anyone, but I know it's my elephant in the room. It might be a unique situation, but that doesn't make me unique. There is no cure for it, no meds., ect. It's a big reason why I drank and end up relapsing sometimes but dealing with it gets easier over time as long as I remain sober. Getting drunk over it is just a waste of time since it's still there the next day, and the next and the next. Never going to go away. Only two ways to go IMO. Either let it get in my way or accept it, work on it as best I can and move on. Not easy, I know. John

Soberpotamus

Sleepie, please don't settle. I hear resignation in your shares.

It is quite possible for you to find a better job situation.

Have you looked into Udacity, Coursera, and some of these other online education websites? Our higher education system is changing because of the internet. Education is opening up to people who might not want to go or can't go the traditional route. It's something to consider.

Please don't think that if you get sober you are doomed to a life of drudgery.

Be willing to have faith and embrace the possibility that things can and will change for you.

zjw

I played that game. I figured i'd be totally F****ked If i got sober. Then I figured things would change how I felt they should.

I was wrong in both cases. I was not screwed when sobered up things got better. Things didnt change how I felt they should or they would. Things changed in there own way and i changed and started to see things differently.

Soberpotamus

Well, Zjw, I am not advocating playing a "game" but I guess that's how you interpreted my post.

Yeah, I see what you mean there - that your perspective has changed, right? That's what I found to be true for me as well. But I also have found that I have the drive, energy, and motivation to make changes now as well

Hawkeye13

I'm sorry you chose to pick up sleepie.

I don't think it will help with any of the core issues you have,
but I think you know that too.

Just sending you support to not use today.
You are worth more, even if you doubt yourself