Two drinks
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Two drinks
I had two before work today. I am stuck indoors for the next ten hours so I cannot access more. The real trick will be not getting more after I am free, today will be long and there is a lot to do. I am going to feel I earned it at the end of the night, much later. And feeling that since I already drank, well there goes the whole abstinence for the day so much like a diet, may as well eat the whole cake.
I know it is ridiculous.
I know it is ridiculous.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,066
When I started having to drink before work was when I was in real trouble. I had to check into detox for a week then do ninety AA meetings in ninety days. I think you need to take some action too, Sleepie.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
I didn't drink because I had to physically. It was because of stress before. Just too much going on. I have been getting one to three weeks before drinking lately. But I hear you Coldfusion. Thank you Least.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Not ridiculous, it's the sad reality of your addiction, sleepie.
I agree with Coldfusion. I drank before work a couple times many years ago, but never continued doing it because I got too concerned and scared... I think I was lucky that my work is such that is impossible to perform drunk, or even mildly intoxicated. What happened to me over time was equally bad though: I started drinking in the morning quite regularly, and not show up in my workplace. In the end, sometimes for a week in a row or even more. I can and do work from home as well a lot, but again, it's impossible to get anything decent done under the influence, and I stopped having the motivation anyway. Result: becoming very irresponsible, always trying to find "holes" and tricky ways to get away with it. And it was a job that I loved! Well, did not love it as much as vodka back then. Awful, awful times.
I have not read all your threads, sleepie, so am not sure what sort of things you've tried to aid abstinence and sobriety, but I definitely think there should be more added to it. Have you tried meetings or any activity that you could engage in when the thoughts of drinking take over? Something that would help manage the stress?
I agree with Coldfusion. I drank before work a couple times many years ago, but never continued doing it because I got too concerned and scared... I think I was lucky that my work is such that is impossible to perform drunk, or even mildly intoxicated. What happened to me over time was equally bad though: I started drinking in the morning quite regularly, and not show up in my workplace. In the end, sometimes for a week in a row or even more. I can and do work from home as well a lot, but again, it's impossible to get anything decent done under the influence, and I stopped having the motivation anyway. Result: becoming very irresponsible, always trying to find "holes" and tricky ways to get away with it. And it was a job that I loved! Well, did not love it as much as vodka back then. Awful, awful times.
I have not read all your threads, sleepie, so am not sure what sort of things you've tried to aid abstinence and sobriety, but I definitely think there should be more added to it. Have you tried meetings or any activity that you could engage in when the thoughts of drinking take over? Something that would help manage the stress?
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
I never drank in the morning before work...but many times I was still drunk from the night before. I remember crouching on the floor of the toilets with crippling stomach pains as the hangover kicked in. By the time I got home I was ready to start again.
That is no life.
We all care very much for you sleepie. Maybe it's time to look for more support? Would rehab be an option for you?
That is no life.
We all care very much for you sleepie. Maybe it's time to look for more support? Would rehab be an option for you?
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by sleepie 
AA several times over the years, where inappropriate things happened.
Bottom line is, you need a plan because what you are doing isn't working. Maybe not AA but you have to find something. It doesn't really matter "why" you drank or whether you "needed to or not" - the reality is you drank before work. Many of us have done this too, so i'm not singling you out...but you need to realize that it's a huge red flag and a sign that you are in very deep with your addiction.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Originally Posted by sleepie
I had two before work today. I am stuck indoors for the next ten hours so I cannot access more. The real trick will be not getting more after I am free, today will be long and there is a lot to do. I am going to feel I earned it at the end of the night, much later. And feeling that since I already drank, well there goes the whole abstinence for the day so much like a diet, may as well eat the whole cake.
I know it is ridiculous.
I know it is ridiculous.
The only thing i can say is one day i didnt think those thoughts anymore and somehow stuck to my guns ever since. I dunno what was different. I wish i could latch on to whatever that was and give it to you.
Maybe I just had enough I dunno.
Hang in there but realize those kinds of thoughts i dont have to tell you are not conducive to staying sober. But I know how hard it can be to fight them as well.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Originally Posted by zenchaser
Ugh..... I've drank before work and even at work! Like my avatar says.... that's a bad sign.
If you don't like AA what about something else? WFS is a great program. All about empowering yourself.
If you don't like AA what about something else? WFS is a great program. All about empowering yourself.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
I have not heard of WFS, I will check it out. SfromWI I have been in deep with addiction for many years. This past year has actually been better... just making slow progress towards the right place.
And I sat here and made unpleasant calls from work and it was so much easier to suck it up and be sugary nice to people who are angry at me for their own dumb fees. Their fault not mine. A person can only take so much. Would they lash out if they knew I worked for less than minimum wage, have a neurological disorder that makes me too dumb to do better, make more money?
I woke up this morning and just could not believe this was my life. My very life.
My lousy grey matter, I cannot do anything about. When there's a problem you fix it. This cannot be fixed. There is no cure, no movement, no support. I'm really on my own with this in ways few can understand. A person can only take so much.
I've written about it before so I won't bore you with all the details again.
I know it sounds like I'm just feeling sorry for myself. But think about it... if you had a problem that affected all areas of your life, that was uncommon- and had no treatment, no medicine, no support. It affects everything from your relationships to anxiety to income and living situation. Really think about that, and having no way out. And having no kind of supportive family.
After over 40 years of life this way, I am just feeling very done.
And I sat here and made unpleasant calls from work and it was so much easier to suck it up and be sugary nice to people who are angry at me for their own dumb fees. Their fault not mine. A person can only take so much. Would they lash out if they knew I worked for less than minimum wage, have a neurological disorder that makes me too dumb to do better, make more money?
I woke up this morning and just could not believe this was my life. My very life.
My lousy grey matter, I cannot do anything about. When there's a problem you fix it. This cannot be fixed. There is no cure, no movement, no support. I'm really on my own with this in ways few can understand. A person can only take so much.
I've written about it before so I won't bore you with all the details again.
I know it sounds like I'm just feeling sorry for myself. But think about it... if you had a problem that affected all areas of your life, that was uncommon- and had no treatment, no medicine, no support. It affects everything from your relationships to anxiety to income and living situation. Really think about that, and having no way out. And having no kind of supportive family.
After over 40 years of life this way, I am just feeling very done.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by sleepie
eat the whole cake.
I know it is ridiculous.
to stop drinking for good.
If I drink just one, I'm no longer sober.
Mountainmanbob
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by sleepie
I know it sounds like I'm just feeling sorry for myself. But think about it... if you had a problem that affected all areas of your life, that was uncommon- and had no treatment, no medicine, no support. It affects everything from your relationships to anxiety to income and living situation. Really think about that, and having no way out. And having no kind of supportive family.
There are people here ( and in all support communities ) that have overcome unfathomable physical, economic and psychological odds to get sober. You absolutely have the ability to be one of those people too - you just need to want it and find the resources you do have available. SR is free and available 24/7. AA is free and the big book and meetings are available online. AVRT is free. Meditation is Free and you can do it whenever you like.
And quite frankly, it does sound like you are feeling sorry for yourself, because you are. Self-pity is a very common in addiction and just about all of us have felt it. But just as it is self-inflicted, it can be self-removed. You just have to make the decision to do the work.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Originally Posted by sleepie
I have not heard of WFS, I will check it out. SfromWI I have been in deep with addiction for many years. This past year has actually been better... just making slow progress towards the right place.
And I sat here and made unpleasant calls from work and it was so much easier to suck it up and be sugary nice to people who are angry at me for their own dumb fees. Their fault not mine. A person can only take so much. Would they lash out if they knew I worked for less than minimum wage, have a neurological disorder that makes me too dumb to do better, make more money?
I woke up this morning and just could not believe this was my life. My very life.
My lousy grey matter, I cannot do anything about. When there's a problem you fix it. This cannot be fixed. There is no cure, no movement, no support. I'm really on my own with this in ways few can understand. A person can only take so much.
I've written about it before so I won't bore you with all the details again.
I know it sounds like I'm just feeling sorry for myself. But think about it... if you had a problem that affected all areas of your life, that was uncommon- and had no treatment, no medicine, no support. It affects everything from your relationships to anxiety to income and living situation. Really think about that, and having no way out. And having no kind of supportive family.
After over 40 years of life this way, I am just feeling very done.
And I sat here and made unpleasant calls from work and it was so much easier to suck it up and be sugary nice to people who are angry at me for their own dumb fees. Their fault not mine. A person can only take so much. Would they lash out if they knew I worked for less than minimum wage, have a neurological disorder that makes me too dumb to do better, make more money?
I woke up this morning and just could not believe this was my life. My very life.
My lousy grey matter, I cannot do anything about. When there's a problem you fix it. This cannot be fixed. There is no cure, no movement, no support. I'm really on my own with this in ways few can understand. A person can only take so much.
I've written about it before so I won't bore you with all the details again.
I know it sounds like I'm just feeling sorry for myself. But think about it... if you had a problem that affected all areas of your life, that was uncommon- and had no treatment, no medicine, no support. It affects everything from your relationships to anxiety to income and living situation. Really think about that, and having no way out. And having no kind of supportive family.
After over 40 years of life this way, I am just feeling very done.
The upside is given your perspective I doubt you'd treat another in such a position in a simlier fashion this makes you a decent person.
"Really think about that, and having no way out. And having no kind of supportive family.
After over 40 years of life this way, I am just feeling very done."
Sounds like you can't seem to catch a break. for some reason all my life despitte how crummy things got and can be there has oddly always been 1 person that didnt seem to care about my flaws and still stayed by my side. This 1 person sometimes wasnt the same person etc.. But it taught me a lot about unconditional love and unwaivering support. Its nice to have people that believe in you no matter what. I hope you have someone like that. If not I hope you can at least get something close to this out of the folks on the board here.
Its really nice to have someone believe in you. I know if i pick up a drink and come on this board I wont get banned i'll get help and understanding I might get tough love even if i need it etc.. I know someone will listen.
Life can be so crappy sometimes. Is the sun shining where you live does the air smell nice is the grass green are the flowers pretty? Something you can focus on thats more positive then all of this?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Here is their website. Not sure where you live but the program is growing all the time 
I hope you can find a meeting near you.
Women for Sobriety, Inc.
Here is the statements that are the foundation of the program.
WFS “New Life” Acceptance Program
I have a life-threatening problem that once had me.
I now take charge of my life and my disease. I accept the responsibility.
Negative thoughts destroy only myself.
My first conscious sober act must be to remove negativity from my life.
Happiness is a habit I will develop.
Happiness is created, not waited for.
Problems bother me only to the degree I permit them to.
I now better understand my problems and do not permit problems to overwhelm me.
I am what I think.
I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.
Life can be ordinary or it can be great.
Greatness is mine by a conscious effort.
Love can change the course of my world.
Caring becomes all important.
The fundamental object of life is emotional and spiritual growth.
Daily I put my life into a proper order, knowing which are the priorities.
The past is gone forever.
No longer will I be victimized by the past. I am a new person.
All love given returns.
I will learn to know that others love me.
Enthusiasm is my daily exercise.
I treasure all moments of my new life.
I am a competent woman and have much to give life.
This is what I am and I shall know it always.
I am responsible for myself and for my actions.
I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life.
To make the Program effective for you, arise each morning fifteen minutes earlier than usual and go over the Thirteen Affirmations. Then begin to think about each one by itself. Take one Statement and use it consciously all day. At the end of the day review the use of it and what effects it had that day for you and your actions.
I hope you can find a meeting near you.Women for Sobriety, Inc.
Here is the statements that are the foundation of the program.
WFS “New Life” Acceptance Program
I have a life-threatening problem that once had me.
I now take charge of my life and my disease. I accept the responsibility.
Negative thoughts destroy only myself.
My first conscious sober act must be to remove negativity from my life.
Happiness is a habit I will develop.
Happiness is created, not waited for.
Problems bother me only to the degree I permit them to.
I now better understand my problems and do not permit problems to overwhelm me.
I am what I think.
I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.
Life can be ordinary or it can be great.
Greatness is mine by a conscious effort.
Love can change the course of my world.
Caring becomes all important.
The fundamental object of life is emotional and spiritual growth.
Daily I put my life into a proper order, knowing which are the priorities.
The past is gone forever.
No longer will I be victimized by the past. I am a new person.
All love given returns.
I will learn to know that others love me.
Enthusiasm is my daily exercise.
I treasure all moments of my new life.
I am a competent woman and have much to give life.
This is what I am and I shall know it always.
I am responsible for myself and for my actions.
I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life.
To make the Program effective for you, arise each morning fifteen minutes earlier than usual and go over the Thirteen Affirmations. Then begin to think about each one by itself. Take one Statement and use it consciously all day. At the end of the day review the use of it and what effects it had that day for you and your actions.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
I don't know if you mean well SfromWI. I find your statement very invalidating though. I have a pretty rare situation, so I am in fact very different from many, and believe me I wish so badly I was not.
I understand I have as much capability as anyone to overcome addiction. But after that- my root problem... can't be fixed. And it has signed me onto a life of low wage jobs, low self esteem and limited potential.
I guess you can't know unless you have lived with it or know someone who has.
I understand I have as much capability as anyone to overcome addiction. But after that- my root problem... can't be fixed. And it has signed me onto a life of low wage jobs, low self esteem and limited potential.
I guess you can't know unless you have lived with it or know someone who has.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by sleepie
I don't know if you mean well SfromWI. I find your statement very invalidating though. I have a pretty rare situation, so I am in fact very different from many, and believe me I wish so badly I was not.
I understand I have as much capability as anyone to overcome addiction. But after that- my root problem... can't be fixed. And it has signed me onto a life of low wage jobs, low self esteem and limited potential.
I guess you can't know unless you have lived with it or know someone who has.
I understand I have as much capability as anyone to overcome addiction. But after that- my root problem... can't be fixed. And it has signed me onto a life of low wage jobs, low self esteem and limited potential.
I guess you can't know unless you have lived with it or know someone who has.
The point is...sobriety is a separate issue, and you are using your other issues as an excuse to keep drinking. I understand that you've been doing it for many years, so have a lot of us. But the bottom line is that getting sober is something you CAN do and it is something that will help improve your life. It will help with your anxiety. It will help with your financial situation. It will help with your everyday health. And SR is here as a free and unlimited source of unconditional support for you to achieve that goal should you truly want it.
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