lycanlaz

so I'm ten days sober, I think it is now. got out of detox earlier today but I'm a bit west on promazine and propranolol since my anxiety levels went through the roof midway into the detox. i'm having some pretty strong cravings but i've been given a week's worth of acamprosate and vitamins. i'm kinda nervous being on my own, trying not to think about everything i have to deal with all at once. i didn't want to leave or come back here, the staff were really really nice and most of the clients were great to hang out with. like i felt normal sitting in the lounge watching crap tv and talking about nonsense and everyone was ****** up but it didn't matter you know... i really miss a couple of them. having a routine and a warm clean room was nice.

so yeah i'm out and i'm wobbly but i'm sober. trying to be positive. haven't had any communication from my ex's mum, or anyone else, so i don't know where or how my daughter is, and i'm too scared to text her because i'm verging on panic every time i think about it so i'm trying not to think about it today because i've done one big thing today which was leaving and saying goodbye to everyone and then i had to pour the remaining alcohol away, thought i'd got rid of them all but noticed a remaining lager bottle and i haven't poured it away yet and i'm not sure why cause i don't want to drink it. i know i need to go and do it now because what the **** was the point of anything otherwise? i don't know why i'm admitting that i haven't poured it yet cause i figure you guys are gonna yell at me about it or think i'm a moron, but i'm ******* frightened of this feeling and having to deal with everything.

i'll chuck it now, it's just like... i'm gonna attend the groups at inspire and i got an appointment about rehab on tuesday. it's just this isolation and this house is horrible to come back into.

seen a few people struggling on day ten. i've got some rebound shakes from the librium... though that could be anxiety, i haven't had trembling like this from anxiety before. though my anxiety hasn't been this acute physically before.... dunno if it could be the promazine? it started the night after my last 5mg librium and when i asked the nurse yesterday she said some people get rebound shakes when they finish the librium. has anyone else experienced anything like that?

zjw

1 lager wouldnt be enough anyhow it'djust **** you off. just pour it out.

my anxiety was throught he roof as well when i first sobered up. try to hang in there and take it easy. if you think sometings going to be too much to handle dont bother tryen to at this point. Its not worth ending up drnking over etc..

good job the 10 days!

lycanlaz

yeah you're right, it'd just annoy me. it's gone down the drain now. thanks man.

sleepie

Pour it out. Think back on everything you've just been through. Do yourself a favor.

Think of your daughter, sobriety can only make the situation better. drinking will probably make it worse.

Unfortunately this whole staying alcohol free thing is a marathon and we are all used to sprinting when it comes to drink.

Sudz No More

Please don't throw away your ten days by drinking that beer, pour it out before it gets the best of you. You'll regret it, with all the other meds you are on it probably isn't the wisest thing right now. Hang in there

lycanlaz

yeah for sure, i dunno why i was hanging onto it. it's poured out.

sleepie

Well done lycanlanz

ScottFromWI

Glad to hear you made it through and safely detoxed. My anxiety was through the roof initially too, it does get better. Stay in touch with the nurse on how the meds are working as they may need to adjust.

EndGameNYC

How about rehab, lycan?

lycanlaz

yeah they have a 24 hour line to the detox centre and said that their aftercare support continues for the rest of our lives, that they're dedicated to ensuring all of their patients stay sober and are prepared to talk for as long as necessary and they don't forget anyone... one of the nurses said she stayed on the phone for three hours one night to a woman who had been discharged a while ago cause she was struggling with cravings. another nurse, man she was lovely, she said she was almost in tears when she went home after she accidentally bruised me when i had to have the thiamin injections, lol. and she cried when a young lad came in looking like death, for a heroin detox. generally though the most ravaged were the alcoholics. but yeah good people there.

i've got an appointment about rehab on tuesday endgame.

EndGameNYC

Good for you.

I didn't want to leave either detox or rehab. I felt safe and protected. My sanity was pretty much up for grabs, but I flourished in a safe environment, as best I could given the circumstances.

We are very much more fragile than we are willing to admit, and it's our obligation to allow people to help us when we need it. There's no shame in surrendering to a life filled with sorrow, much of which is due to our own making, as incredulous as that may seem.

You've only just started to tap your own courage. Roll with it.

Dee74

Good to hear from you Lyc

D

Soberwolf

Hey really positive stuff going on Laz, well happy for you keep on keeping on you sound good

You sir have made my morning have a nice day & hopefully spk soon

lycanlaz

ah man i'm glad i made your morning [: day 11 is going pretty good so far. did a grocery shop and ive only had a couple of intense anxiety spikes. done a bit of writing.... tried to get my internet sorted out but got kinda stressed out with the five... sky people... who kept bouncing me around from person to person, so i downed a large cup of chamomile tea haha. but i feel pretty good.

SoberLeigh

Glad to hear that things are better for you, lyc.

Rooting for you; stay close.