sleepie

I went to bed yesterday. Woke up still in a terrible mood, nauseous and not hungry. I'm still so angry. I'm off to another 10 hour workday on a beautiful day. Then one day off and more long days for 4 or five days after before I get any relief. I am bordering between extremely angry and just utter depression. I don't even want to see another person's face and I have to go to work and smile for everyone. I still haven't eaten and don't even want to, I'll just have coffee. I get to this point where I am upset, I know what will happen- I will go on automatic, do my job etc. Have no life left in me and go flat and not eat. That's how it goes when I get pushed over my limit. I was too stressed about my appointment yesterday and boyfriend also upset me quite a bit right before we left plus we got awful news about his sister's health. Now I am bordering on that point where I just go flat and on automatic and don't eat. I also started the Ashton method, there's just too much going on for me.
Does anyone else experience this?

ScottFromWI

Sounds like possibly depression/anxiety or both to me. Do you see a counselor?

Soberpotamus

I experienced the anger, Sleepie. But not so much the feeling "flat" and going without eating. Maybe very brief periods of lost appetite though. But definitely mood swings and lots of anger was uncovered in my first year. It was difficult but I got through it. Just focus on the here and now and what you can do to get through the day. Unfamiliar with the Ashton method, sorry. And echoing Scott about pursuing therapy or counseling, because the last thing you need is to drink again.

Hugs, hang in there

zjw

yeah it not living either. its been better for me but I can still get hooked into the stuff of life and have it suck the life right out of me if i'm not careful.

I've had to try and restructure things in my life to make things more tolerable for me as best I could. Its been a lot of work really.

As you stay sober longer maybe start looking for ways you can lighten your load somehow? so that when you blind sided by stuff like your boyfriends sisters health you got more goods in the tank to be able to handle and cope with it without it draining the life out of you.

Its all easier said then done. But it wont be like this forever.

You can get a lot of tips from stuff you read or people here or what not. But i know for me in the end at various points in time I simply started to figure certain things out on my own or it was an AHA moment when i recall oh yeah someone mentioned this to me etc..

It'll ease up.

sleepie

Definitely no money for therapy plus it does nothing at all for me, every time I bring up my biggest problem I get dismissed. I need a neuropsychologist and that requires thousands of dollars- not gonna happen.

ScottFromWI

The therapist I am working with and I have been discussing mindfulness and meditation. I haven't really done a lot of meditation yet, but the literature has been very enlightening and it makes a lot of sense to me. I can tell a difference just in the couple of weeks we've been working on it. You can find everything you need to know for free, and all it takes is time.

Berrybean

Sounds very familiar to me. I had some counselling, which was a start, but it was getting a sponsor and starting to work the 12-step program that really helped me get out of that black-hole.

I had to learn a whole new way of coping with life, and that was a lot more complex than just 'not drinking' - for me anyway. I think that alcohol had smoothed over so many resentments; fears and anxieties for me for so many years that I was actually unaware of quite how messed up / insane I was. It's been such a relief to take a long and honest look at it all and start learning better ways to deal with it all.

One book that helped me was Living Sober - you can get it from Amazon really cheaply.

Things do get better. *Hug* x

Soberintexas007

Hi Sleepie,
I just had some time to review this/your thread. I get my therapy for free, as the state of CA offers free therapy to gambling addicts, but only for a certain amount of time. My point is that hopefully you can find it.

That is very interesting that you have felt dismissed from therapists in your past when you have brought up your biggest concern. I would think that most therapists would pay more attention.

I have heard that the mindfulness mediation that Scott brought is becoming increasingly popular. I looked into it, and it probably would be good for me. I am just too ancy and charged up of a person to actually try it. It is very hard for me to sit still, lol! (Unless I am drinking, that is! LOL)