malamute100

Hi I'm back ,
I'm now 6 months since my 'ER' visit , acute withdrawlal cold turkey and now 105 days since my last drink .

I'm still in a very dark place , I still have cycles of anxienty, depression, terrible insomnia, nervousness, sensative to loud noises , foggy head , derealization , overwhelming problems concentrating and feeling just off.

I have still a constant buzzing/whistling sound in my head that changes frequency and somtimes comes from right ear or just whole head .
I get blurred vision at differant times of the day .

Quick background info
I've been binge drinking heavily for 20 years , I'm 40 now , I even used to drink a pint of vodka to make me sleep
It's been over 3 months since my last drink , I'm not on any meds either .
I've had to quit my self employed job and am at breaking point now
I've been keeping a recovery diary and I have had a few good days but only about 7 a month.
All my symptoms seem to cone in random cycles as well .

I've seen many Drs and had lots of tests including ct, mri, blood tests etc that have all been clear.
All the Drs don't know what's wrong and don't belive in PAWS
(Poste acute withdrawlal syndrome) . They all say that my heavy drinking in the past shouldn't be affecting me now.

Today while I was having a good day I was just happy and looking at my phone when boom !!
This awfull overwhelmingly feeling of dred came on , it felt like an out of body experience as if I was having a mini stroke or seizure , it's hard to explain but after it happend that was only 15 seconds it left me feeling dizzy and in a state , I was in tears for hours and ended up back at the doctors.
This feeling of out of controll soon left ME breathless . It was the same as when all this begun when I went cold turkey after a binge bender in November but not as intense.
The first one in November had me in an ambalance heading for hospital

Please I know we arnt allowd to offer medical advise but does anybody know what's happening to me , is anybody experiencing the same , does paws really exsist ?
I really need some support or help
Thanks

Dee74

That was pretty much me at 90-100 days, but it was better than it had been and it got better still.

The ear thing sounds like tinnitus to me, I have it, but mine is like a high pitch whine -like a TV when the channel goes off air - look it up and see it matches what you have.

Have you seen an optometrist about your vision?

Sometimes it takes a lot of trial and error to find the right doctor for you - keep trying malamute

JeffreyAK

I don't know what is happening to you, and I did not experience all those symptoms or for that long a period (3+ months), but I do know PAWS exists. It's well documented, just your brain's way of letting you know it's healing over time.

malamute100

I hope it's paws , it's the only thing left to keep me going .. I have to belive in paws or I would break down now , it's just a shame I'm not getting any help or suport from the Drs .
Thanks for the reply

Soberwolf

As i read D's post my tinnitus kicked up i have the same one i agree book an apt with your Optometrist

Have you considered this could also be vertigo my late mum suffered with this get your ears checked for this & see a eye Dr hopefully some goood news will come

spk soon bud

malamute100

Yes I thought it was getting better really slowly but just had this huge knock back today , I'm not sure if the noise is tinnitus as it can be in one ear, the other ear or just my whole head .. The noise came on 2 months in and after taking citalopram
, I quit taking that as soon as the buzzing sound started

How long did it take you to improve ?

silentrun

I had all those things happen to me. Keep going to the doctor just so something isn't missed. At 3 months I knew I had screwed myself up pretty bad and always felt off. I didn't notice PAWS until month 4 then holy crap. It would last about 2 weeks then came back at 6 and 9. The one at 9 months I had the auditory sensitivity and the visual disturbances. It felt like everything was coming at me at once and I had to figure out how to filter out background noise.

silentrun

The ear ringing finally went away. Someone on here suggested cutting back on sodium and it seemed to work.

malamute100

Jesus , if this year can't get worse ,,, I can't believe I've messed my self up so bad when did you start to get better ??

Dee74

Consider how long you've been a drinker for though?

I drank for 20 years and smoked pot for 30...when you look at it that way a few months to restore your 'normal' and recuperate is a pretty sweet deal.

D

silentrun

I was at the point were I didn't get hung over anymore. I was just in a constant state of depression. I drank a pint a night too. It was slow and gradual then 4 months hit and my brain started reversing the damage rapidly and I would have a really bad 2 weeks then a major improvement then the was good until 6 months with another bad 2 weeks then major improvement. Same thing at 9 months and the year mark wasn't all that bad.

malamute100

I'm only at just over 3 months , I've been going through recovery for 6 months but I didn't know why I was sick so kept drinking ,, not as much as before but just a few beers ,, they felt strange not like normal , I then read about paws and belived that I'd reset my recovery to zero so I stopped drinking compleatly

like normal . I then read about paws , so I belive

silentrun

Everything I have read about recovery says if you want to reverse the damage it has to be total abstinence. Even if you could moderate it wouldn't cut it. 75% experience this and it is completely a normal part of healing . It is actually a good sign. It just sucks so bad while it is going on. It is concrete proof to me that my drinking was in fact harmful even if I didn't get into trouble.

Mountainmanbob

Just the mention of it and I hear mine. Right ear. Mine started years ago all at once after a terrible drunk. What happened? I have not a clue?

Well you have been to the doctors.
Give it more time and keep taking care of yourself.

Mountainmanbob

Flawed

I have a similar problem with the ears, it is mainly in one but can be both. It is simialr to tinnitus but has some variations. It is aggravated by sodium, and I was finally diagnosed by a series of hearing tests with Ménière's disease and given a prescription to take when it acts up. Might be worth asking your doctor about to have them take a second look, it turned out to be very manageable and the symptoms go away quickly after I was finally given the right medication and diagnosis. Good luck to you, stay on your path...105 days is so awesome!

Gottalife

I can relate to the sense of impending doom, coming out of nowhere when I thought I was doing O.K.

It turned out that it was a simple matter that though I had stopped drinking I still had the mind of an alcoholic. My way of thinking, relating and reacting in the world had not changed, mainly because I didn't know there was anything wrong. My alcoholic life was the only normal one, right?

I learned that this is why AA has only one step about alcohol, and eleven about how to live right with the world. When I started those steps I began to see where the problem had been, my attitudes seemed to change of their own accord, and that feeling of dread left and never came back.

There is a solution to how I was feeling, and it wasn't medical. Millions of other alcoholics have found the same solution. It is there for you too if you are willing to put in the effort.

BackToSquareOne

When I get tinnitus its most like the second one on this page : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82Eo9ZfjXbI

The sense of impending doom feelings that seem to come out of nowhere were related to anxiety and depression in my case. It did get better with time but it is tough to deal with when those feelings come on.

Joe Nerv

3 months is awesome. Especially with what you're dealing with, which is also pretty much the way I felt in early sobriety. You described my panic attacks quite well. Everything would be totally fine, and then I'd get hit out of nowhere. First the dread feeling, then the lingering depression and fear that it would return.

You didn't mention whether or not you're doing anything other than not drinking. I know for me, there is no way I would have gotten better by just not drinking. The anxiety, panic, and depression had to be treated along with my laying a solid foundation to never pick up a drink, no matter what. Like you, I went without medication, and I'm happy I did. It wasn't fun, but I believe it's because of that, that I'm now free from those attacks that crippled me. But again, they didn't just stop because I put the bottle down. I had to take action, and in the beginning I went hardcore. Quick list of things I remember specifically doing:

- Therapy (1 on 1)
- Group therapy
- Physical exercise
- Relaxation exercise (daily)
- No coffee!
- I quit processed sugar a bit down the line because the anxiety and panic returned, and found out that was causing it.
- Started eating more healthfully
- I dove completely into AA.
- I dove into the 12 steps.
- Prayed a lot.
- Read tons of literature. AA literature, anxiety and panic attack books, and positive thinking books. I needed to reprogram my brain.
- I practiced accepting the panic, and learned to wedge an outside thought into my head when attacks occurred. One simple thought is enough to take the edge off, and make it more tolerable.
- Practiced (literally lying on my bed at times) accepting ALL my feelings, knowing I'd be okay, regardless of what they were. Helped me learn to accept them, as opposed to run from them.

Later on in my sobriety I found other things that were important for dealing with some not so debilitating anxiety, and depression. Drinking lots and lots of water is important, and I found supplementing with vitamin D to be helpful. Pretty sure I had a deficiency, though I've never been tested. It's not a vitamin though that should be toyed with as it's not water soluble and can be harmful in large doses. Anyhow...

I didn't change everything overnight, and the anxiety/panic/depression didn't disappear overnight either. I made as many changes as I could in the beginning, and then kept on listening to my mind and body, and trusting that so long as I was open to healing, it would come. It has. Took me a little over 2 years to feel and function like a normal human being again, but the journey was awesome. I feel completely free of all the gunk you spoke about in your OP, and know that that's something I never want to return to. No desire to ever drink again whatsoever.

I don't think any of that happens though by just putting down the alcohol. I think we have to want a different, better life - open ourselves up to getting it- and then keep putting one foot in front of the other without ever picking up a drink again, no matter what.

esinger

From my experience PAWS exists. Had episodes over a year. I don't think there is any concrete proof these doctors can draw from. Most doctors aren't experts in addiction either. Tinnitus I've had for probably 15 years. Got in a car accident and the side of my head smacked the window. I notice it a lot more now that I'm "aware". Certain meds do list this as a side effect.
Have patience. Takes time to heal years of abuse.

MelindaFlowers

I had serious PAWS for about 6-8 months where I'd actually feel slightly hungover some days. Your healing process and sobriety sounds a lot like mine. I was very sick in brain and body when I stopped. At ten months I am starting to feel like someone who never drank, health wise.